So I stopped taking my meds...

I know its a bad idea, but after being severely depressed for 6 months, the short spurt of mania/hypo was so exhilarating, now I started taking it again and I can feel myself slipping back into a depression again, I'm tired of taking meds that don't seem to work anyway, I don't know if my baseline is meant to be depressed but I just can't live like that, even just for one more day. My life is spiraling out of control anyway, might as well do so with a bang I suppose.Also I'm much more angry and irritable when depressed and I'm tired of being angry as well.

Do you have a therapist?

Since meds aren't working, why don't you research using alternative treatments like amino acids? I've been doing this for 9+ years and have done much, much better on them than I ever did on psych meds, plus no nasty side-effects.

Check out Alternative Mental Health.

I get it, the angry depressed thing. I'm so sick of myself like that. But I keep tweaking the meds. I don't give up. Neither should you. There's got to be a med cocktail that will work. Forget about the one that's making you depressed-that doesn't work. Try something else. I know it's awful to have to change. It's hard on the body, Everything goes sideways like. What the hell else is there left to do. This illness doesn't go away. I'm living proof of that. Just gotta put one foot in front of the other and keep trudging. Not a glamourous post, but a true one.

Nope, my last one dropped me without any notice and I'm currently on the waiting list for a new one, honestly its hard cause I don't live in a city so there are not many around, I had a great one before but she moved away.

I agree, but not moving from the bed for six months is reasonable? Not being able to shower, just wash your face? The looping negative thoughts, constant crying, suicidal thoughts. I'm living but dead inside so whats the point then? Can someone tell me the point? Urgh, I'm sorry, it's just me venting.

What do you think about an inpatient hospital stay to get you stabilized? It sounds like you have been unwell for a long time and struggling. Are you open to that?

It would be my 8th time in less than 2 years, my previous visits were less than pleasant (nurses gave me the wrong medication, wrong doses, gave me something I was allergic to, I almost died) I really want to avoid it, I can't afford it as well but I might have to reconsider.

I really hate your going through this. I usually deal with mania/mixed episodes. "But" in the winter I deal with SAD. I did not start having bipolar symptoms until summer 2011. In 2012 is when SAD started. I had the worse depression ever. I stayed in bed all day, I would cry throughout the day, I did not cook, I barely cleaned house, I rarely took showers, I did not iron my daughter 's clothes I would take them right from the dryer and hang them up. My mom thinks this is a sin.... clothes should be pressed with creases. My point "I" understand how you feel. To this day I do not know what's worse mania or depression. Depression was hell on earth and mania is scary, embarrassing and costly and (can land you in jail ) after the fact for some they consider it fun. I will not go off my meds at least that's not a thought in my mind as of yet. But I do understand. I wish you had better excess to a therapist

My heart breaks for you. I understand exactly what you are feeling and wish I had words of wisdom to make it all better in some way. I'm currently trying another cocktail but if this doesn't work, I will be right back in the place you are at now. It's important not to lose hope, but I know how difficult it is. (((Hugs)))