[ADC26]

Hey there -

I wanted to reach out to the community for some help and guidance. After doing some soul searching and internet research I believe that I am suffering from Bipolar disorder.

I was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age due to extreme hyperactiveness and oppositional defiancy. I was eventually put on Dexadrine which completely solved any ADHD problems but turned me into a zoned out and intraverted robot.

Now in my mid-twenties I am facing some extreme relationship issues with my fiance. Looking back and inward I realize that I have extreme mood changes and a lack of consistency in my mood and confidence level that I just attributed to my ADHD personality for all these years. Some days I wake up and feel like I can take over the world, untouchable, confident, outgoing, and super-creative while other days I feel borderline suicidal or am anxious, depressed, unconfident, and not creative. It seems that sometimes these are influeced by external circumstances, but other times there is no rhyme or reason. I have, however, noticed a pattern of depression and manic states - with one often following immediately after the other. My memory recall and learning ability also greatly differ during these moods. These conditions affect my daily life greatly - affecting my ability to communicate confidently at work, and affect relationships with loved ones.

In reading the descriptions of a manic state - racing thoughts, creativing, and elevated energy levels - I realized that this was an aspect of my personality that I have become addicted to and strive to reach this at any cost. Making impulsive and exciting changes in my life help to create those feelings in my head.

I have an appointment next week with a psychiatrist and can hopefully get a diagnosis and start treatment. I guess I am feeling a bit lost in who I actually am at this point and quetions keep popping up on who I really am. What are my strengths and weaknesses. Am I really intraverted or extraverted? Am I really adventurus and impulsive? Should I be pursuing a different profession? Should I be with a different girl?

Do you agree that I am probably suffering from some type of bipolar disorder? If not - does anyone else have similar symptoms to me? What kind of experience did you have in your "awakening" to a normal life after therapy and medication?

Thanks again for your help and guidance. Feel feel to email me directly as well.

[January]

Hello ADC,

Welcome to PC. You'll find a lot of wonderful, supportive members here.

I don't have answers for all your questions, but I can tell you the medication will keep you from having the dramatic mood swings. You won't lose any of your good qualities, you'll just be more tolerant and mellow.

I urge you to not jump up and make hasty changes in your life if you are diagnosed with BP. Wait and let the medicine do it's work. Work with your pdoc or therapist and see what they suggest.

We bipolars are infamous for making snap decisions. "Wait and see" is usually very good advice for you.

I wish you the very best.

January

[dreamrunner]

Hi and welcome.
It does sound like bp but only a pdoc can really give you the answer you seek.
I was only dx'd the end of june .Since being on lithium I am MUCH more stable than I ever have been.Im still going through changes in dosage so its not perfect but def better.
After my dx....I realized how many obvious symptoms of the disorder I had.The one thing that comforts me is that I know that its not my fault ,that I cant control my moods.I can understand them however,and possibly prevent them from getting out of control.
keep posting.....good luck

[schizoidwoman]

Hi and welcome ADC!

I have very similar symptoms to yours. The depression is very difficult but it is the mania that trashes my life. I do terrible and stupid things on impulse. I am still searching for the right meds and for what is "me". I also had my most recent med make me a zombified, personality-less waste. But you gotta work with the doc and get one that works for you and doesn't have bad side effects. I'm off to the doc on Mon. Bottom line - if the meds make you feel too bad, ask for a change. There are a lot of meds out there to try.

I admit I have a sort of addiction to the feeling of mania. But I am finding that it is worth it to stop it. I do feel very creative when manic, and I'm an artist, so it hurts me to stop that flow. But I found that if I get the right meds, I still have enough to make me happy! I'm just not up at 4: 00 am every day making things, LOL!

Good luck ADC - get the help you deserve

[mydarlin]

Remember that you can research the meds out there and give your doctor a list of possible meds to try to get things under control...Remember there are often things out there that the doc doesn't know a whole lot about.

Search for the right meds for you.... and don't be afraid to ask you doc about various meds you have heard about for treatment....You may actually be on to something. Take control before you let it get control of you.

Sorry bout getting on the soapbox about this...but I firmly believe that this helps to gain control of what's going on with your treatment.....

[Direction]

Snap decisions...who me?

Welcome to PC! There is good advice through all the post...Glad that you are going to see some one professionally...I was recently rediagonised...so I do have a fairly recent memory of the transition...so please ask away...