[raspberrytorte]

I realize that right now my thoughts are very much influenced by my depressed state.

I feel I have accomplished nothing in life. I feel wrinkly and old.

I feel I had a lot going for me and I ruined everything by stupid decisions I have made. And I realize I'm in the position I'm in right now because of the stupid decisions and things I have done, so I have no one to blame but myself for where I am in life right now. I feel like life has completely kicked my ***. I used to be motivated and determined and now I'm just pathetic and unaccomplished. It's horrible.

I can't stop crying!

And yes, I disgust even myself so I'm sorry.

[wildflowerchild25]

I'm sorry you feelthis way! I don't feel this way now but I have in the past. I hope you can turn your thinking around. You have a husband and a daughter, that's something!

[HALLIEBETH87]

I feel like that sometimes....then the depression lifts and I realize I'm stronger than I thought I was.

You can do this!

[jtassar93]

Yeah I feel like I've accomplished nothing. For the past 5 years I've just been sitting at home. No license, no job, no school, no friends. I rarely leave the house.

[raspberrytorte]

Thanks guys.

Most of my angst has to do with my writing. I expected to have accomplished more at this point in my life. I really had a bright future ahead of me when I was younger, and so far all I've managed to accomplish are a couple of short story publications. I've written two novels that are most likely never going to be published unless I self publish. I can't write when I'm angst ridden, which is the majority of the time. I started a third novel in what was supposed to be a trilogy, but I became so unstable while writing it that it's probably never going to be finished, which is unfortunate because I'm halfway through it. I was so stupid to drop out of school to focus on my writing. I have zero skills and no job right now.

I have plenty of time to write right now, but I have writer's block at the moment because I'm so upset about everything that's happening, and all I do is spend all of my time worrying.

I'm so tormented by all of this. It just sucks. It's just sucky.

[wiretwister]

your human just like the rest of us ... we make mistakes .. we have regrets ... we hurt ourselves and others ... that is what humans do ... don't beat yourself up ... others will gladly do that for you ... we are where we are in life because of these events ... we are not in control of them ... they are most certainly in control of us if we let them .... i believe where we find ourselves is almost always beyond our control ... the secret of life is how we ride these waves .... ride well my friend ... if you go under the waves just keep swimming ... sooner or later your head will be above water again ....

[gina_re]

Have faith in what your signature says. Greatness is around the corner for you. It is always darkest before the dawn.

[Unrigged64072835]

It's hard. I know how you feel. Right now my main focus has been on here and with my family. It will do until I have some inspiration back.

[vjdragonfly]

I can totally relate. I could have done anything and now I can't do ****. I'm stuck in a rut that I can't get out of and my life is going nowhere. I feel like I screwed every good opportunity that was handed to me. The only thing good that has come out of my life is my husband and kids and I have dragged them through **** a few times over.

[OctobersBlackRose]

Yes I feel this way, I feel I haven't accomplished anything after I dropped out of college after my mental breakdown.

[st0psign]

I've been in college for 10 years now, living off my parents the whole time. I'm totally reliant on them for money, and housing. I know exactly how you feel...

[Icare dixit]

At least you/we have imagination and inspiration. It doesn't matter we don't have it all the time.

Most people can't imagine what to accomplish, let alone accomplish it.

Anyone who thinks wanting nothing is something you should want is an idiot. Be glad you desire to accomplish something and know what it is.

At the very least, you've accomplished getting married and (even though you didn't want to at the time) had a pretty daughter. You started a family.

You also graduated high school and published self stories. How many people can say they've written something that's gotten published? That's a HUGE accomplishment!

You also have the rest of your life to finish your third book. Your future may seem bleak to you right now, but you have 40+ years to finish that book. I'm sure you'll be able to finish it long before then, too. It's just that current circumstances make it difficult for you to see what your future has in store for you. Once the fog clears, things will get better.

Even if you self publish your own trilogy, that's still an accomplishment. I could never publish my own book, let alone write one in the first place. I don't have the finesse required to write a book, so I doubt I could even self publish something unless it was a pile of crap.

[Cocosurviving]

I made accomplishments before my bp symptoms really started (age 36). Graduated college and had decent jobs. I was no longer able to hold a job. I had to fight hell and high water to get my disability. Now I'm suck with just running errands for my disabled aunt. She's wheelchair bound. I'm afraid to do volunteer work for fear SSA will misinterpret that as being able to work. So now when my SAD starts I get down on myself thinking about the past and what I can not have. I hoped to go back to school for my masters degree but that will not happen anymore. I do understand how you feel