[Kitcatluver]

I don't know if I'm just paranoid or if I honestly do suffer from some kind of mood disorder. Maybe I just know to much on the disorder (you'll see why I say this in a min) I don't know but I feel like if I did have a mood disorder it would be depression or bipolar (my mom thinks I'm ADHD or have some form of it).

Summer of 7th grade I got really depressed thought of suicide at least once every other day. I started cutting and overdosing on painkillers. I saw two social workers because of the cutting (family never found out about the drugs) they both said I was normal and fine. WHO HURTS THEMSELVES IF THEY ARE NORMAL AND FINE!!! After that my moods seemed to be out whack. My sleep was off. I'd get really distracted. Aggravated or upset for no cause.

I was up in the middle of the night, I couldn't sleep, writing in my little Mickey Mouse journal (one of those tiny things were four-six pages was equal to a full page) I only filled half of the little page because I couldn't sit still and concentrate long enough to write. Writing a sentence I stopped five times to play with my hair
Some things I listed:
My mood swings (going from happy to sad to irritable to ecstatic in a certain amount of time)
Sleeping habits (getting a normal amount of sleep or above Average and still being tired to getting none and full of energy the next day)
Appetite changes (never being full to never being hungry)
Unexplainable pains(like headaches and cramps when depressed.
I know that sleeping too much causes drowsiness in itself.

When I'm depressed it tends to get worse when I'm alone, when its quiet, when thought can freely enter my head.

Medical history
I was a premie 24-28 weeks along when my mom had me. Premies are more likely to have disorders such as bipolar and depression. Bipolar for very early premies are 7x more like to get it. However experts like to stress that still little amounts of premies have mental issues but the study only focused on extreme cases that where hospitalized. I had an IVH stage is unknown (IVH stands for Intraventricular hemorrhage) and suffered from apena and Bradycardia (breathing stops for more than 20 sec and heartrate drops to a dangerous rate)
That's all I could put a name to. I know the doctor was worried about mental damange from the IVH.

I'm my recent family history there's depression (2cases) ADHD and autism those 3 disorders and bipolar all share a common gene.

I feel crazy 90% of the time and I don't know what to do.

[wildflowerchild25]

your symptoms sound like they COULD be bipolar. but you really would need to get an evaluation from a trained professional for a diagnosis. If you are in so much distress, then no matter what the problem is you could benefit from talking to someone and trying to get some help.

i know when I was depressed as a teenager I would come home with a horrible headache and have to sleep for two to three hours to get it to go away - sometimes, particularly in younger people, depression manifests in physical pain (i read this in a study for sociology class years ago). so i understand where you're coming from on that.

good luck! I hope you find someone who can help you.

[ultramar]

Are all the symptoms you mention from the journal from 7th grade, or are you saying that you continue to have the same experiences today?

The only way to know (get a diagnosis), is to get an evaluation by a psychiatrist. There's no way to tell from what you mention (plus of course we can't diagnose here).

Do you see a therapist? Regardless of diagnosis, if you need help with depression, mood swings, etc., a good therapist can help a great deal.

Good luck!

[Anneinside]

Prematurity is not linked to bipolar. However, having members of your family with mood disorders (depression or bipolar) is linked. If you really want to know if you have bipolar, or depression, or ADHD then you have to see a physician, preferably a psychiatrist. No one here can diagnose you.

[hamster-bamster]

The only thing that I can add is that my neuropsychological evaluation (done by a PhD psychologist, not a psychiatrist) talks about my being a product of a normal pregnancy, delivered at term, etc. That leads me to believe that neuropsychologists would be well placed, professionally, given their training, to evaluate your history starting at the premie stage - it seems, given my report, that they routinely look at such things.

Another suggestion is to track moods in an application called Optimism Online and then print out the tracker and discuss it with the clinician whom you will see. That sort of tracking can give you and the clinician a lot of insight.

[Kitcatluver]

Originally Posted by Anneinside

Prematurity is not linked to bipolar. However, having members of your family with mood disorders (depression or bipolar) is linked. If you really want to know if you have bipolar, or depression, or ADHD then you have to see a physician, preferably a psychiatrist. No one here can diagnose you.

Honestly, I research this way to much. However there was a study and they said that they don't know for sure but they believe that premies are slightly more sensitive to the disorder because their brains are not fully developed and are very vulnerable to injury.
&
There's a lot in my post that doesn't really have a link to bipolar or any mood disorder I was really just putting down my medical history that I could remember being told to me that involve or could've affected my brain in some way. My mom thinks the IVH was only a stage 1 or 2 and if that's the case then there shouldn't be any long term damage but I was told that the doctor said that I could have some sort of mental issue or at least there was some worry about it. Obviously I was a baby I don't know for sure.

My point is I put this stuff in here for a reason and if I ever get the courage to talk to my parents about this and get them to let me see someone again because it did help or someone who diagnose disorders or something then they would look at medical history to rule this out.

Even though I haven't been diagnosed with a mood disorder I've had family members and I know what they've gone through.

But thank you for the help

You've mentioned some things that are characteristic of a few bipolar patients, especially the cutting and the shift in moods from ecstasy to strong depression. All who have suggested that you see a psychiatrist are correct, in my view. You need a professional opinion before you will know for certain.

Another condition you could be describing is Borderline Personality Disorder. BPDs change mood much faster than BP and overthinking is also part of the condition. Something worth reading up on. I do not know how old you are now, but it is usually not diagnosed until 18.
http://forums.psychcentral.com/borde...scription.html
Feel free to contact me if you want personal info.

[Kitcatluver]

Originally Posted by ultramar

Are all the symptoms you mention from the journal from 7th grade, or are you saying that you continue to have the same experiences today?

The only way to know (get a diagnosis), is to get an evaluation by a psychiatrist. There's no way to tell from what you mention (plus of course we can't diagnose here).

Do you see a therapist? Regardless of diagnosis, if you need help with depression, mood swings, etc., a good therapist can help a great deal.

Good luck!

These things still occurred even now that I'm a junior in high school. I know I need to speak to a psychologist to get an actual diagnoses I was just wondering what other people thought from the info I gave.

[Kitcatluver]

Originally Posted by Anonymous32935

Another condition you could be describing is Borderline Personality Disorder. BPDs change mood much faster than BP and overthinking is also part of the condition. Something worth reading up on. I do not know how old you are now, but it is usually not diagnosed until 18.
http://forums.psychcentral.com/borde...scription.html
Feel free to contact me if you want personal info.

Thanks.
Things like the fear of abandonment I have fit to a t on that its weird.
I wish I could talk to a professional about this but I can't my mom doesn't believe me and she doesn't want to waste money on it. My brother doesn't talk to anyone anymore either about his ADHD.

[Victoria'smom]

You may have better luck convincing her to let you go to a neurologist for your headaches. Tell him/her everything that is going on and let him/her refer you. My parents didn't listen to me as a kid. How close are you to 18?

[Kitcatluver]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

You may have better luck convincing her to let you go to a neurologist for your headaches. Tell him/her everything that is going on and let him/her refer you. My parents didn't listen to me as a kid. How close are you to 18?

16 so two more years...

I have flat out told her that I've felt crazy and shell look at me and say "oh no you're fine" or "your just being a teen"
And then I want to slap her...

It seems like everyday I have some sort of mental breakdown and get into trouble.

[Manic Trance]

HEY!

There is no question that the symptoms you describe could be connected to bipolar, ADHD, both, or another mood disorder.

YES! You need to see someone.

This may sound like the worst advice, but go to your social worker at school. You must have a guidance counselor or something. It is extremely important that you begin to put supports in place that help you manage your experience. A guidance counselor or social worker may be able to refer you somewhere that does not cost any money, or they may be able to simply see you once a week or something. Getting on meds may not come directly from that, but talk therapy and other behavioral methods can go along way toward managing your situation.

It is not some kind of emergency if you are bipolar or any of these things, nor is it a life sentence, but emergencies and sentences can arise if it is not properly managed. Additionally, you may not develop real clarity about your diagnosis for some time, or even ever?! But what you will gain by inquiring is a community. What I mean is, it's not like diabetes which can be objectively measured, and then objectively managed. It's more like a mental way of framing your experience that is helpful: you say, 'I experience these things, and the description of this disorder corresponds to those experiences' so perhaps you are bipolar. The next step is to see if common treatments for bipolar help you. If you are not receiving the support of your parents you won't go straight on meds, but that may be a good thing. You can also work to regulate your sleep, exercise, meditate, control your diet, and come on here and post, ask for support and receive it every time you feel you are loosing a grip. If you are bipolar, doing those things will be very hard and you will need a lot of support, you may also go through times of succeeding at it and times of not succeeding at it, but if you are bipolar these are the kinds of life style solutions you will need to undertake now, and honestly, for ever. AND! While your guidance counselor cannot get you on meds, s/he could support you in undertaking these behavioral life style oriented solutions which would be a big step in the right direction!

I feel very deeply for you, also you should be commended for seeking to address this at such a young age. I did not get diagnoses until I was 35!!! And one of the hardest things was thinking back on a life time of inexplicable behaviors and experiences and being able to retroactively attribute them to something that, at the end of the day, would have been manageable if I'd had the support and the interest of my parents and surrounding adults.

Also, I had the most TERRIBLE time in school, I went to 7 schools between kindergarten and Jr. High, none of them wanted me, it was terrible. Don't know if you have trouble in school, but I feel for young folks, and have done a lot of work with them in my adult life as a way of making sense and use of what I experienced as young person.

I wish you the best, I hope something about this has been helpful, and if you want to message me off of this thread I am happy to talk more.
Sending you strength!
MT

Originally Posted by Kitcatluver

Thanks.
Things like the fear of abandonment I have fit to a t on that its weird.
I wish I could talk to a professional about this but I can't my mom doesn't believe me and she doesn't want to waste money on it. My brother doesn't talk to anyone anymore either about his ADHD.

[Manic Trance]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

You may have better luck convincing her to let you go to a neurologist for your headaches. Tell him/her everything that is going on and let him/her refer you. My parents didn't listen to me as a kid. How close are you to 18?

Such good advice!

[Kitcatluver]

Originally Posted by Manic Trance

HEY!

There is no question that the symptoms you describe could be connected to bipolar, ADHD, both, or another mood disorder.

YES! You need to see someone.

This may sound like the worst advice, but go to your social worker at school. You must have a guidance counselor or something. It is extremely important that you begin to put supports in place that help you manage your experience. A guidance counselor or social worker may be able to refer you somewhere that does not cost any money, or they may be able to simply see you once a week or something. Getting on meds may not come directly from that, but talk therapy and other behavioral methods can go along way toward managing your situation.

It is not some kind of emergency if you are bipolar or any of these things, nor is it a life sentence, but emergencies and sentences can arise if it is not properly managed. Additionally, you may not develop real clarity about your diagnosis for some time, or even ever?! But what you will gain by inquiring is a community. What I mean is, it's not like diabetes which can be objectively measured, and then objectively managed. It's more like a mental way of framing your experience that is helpful: you say, 'I experience these things, and the description of this disorder corresponds to those experiences' so perhaps you are bipolar. The next step is to see if common treatments for bipolar help you. If you are not receiving the support of your parents you won't go straight on meds, but that may be a good thing. You can also work to regulate your sleep, exercise, meditate, control your diet, and come on here and post, ask for support and receive it every time you feel you are loosing a grip. If you are bipolar, doing those things will be very hard and you will need a lot of support, you may also go through times of succeeding at it and times of not succeeding at it, but if you are bipolar these are the kinds of life style solutions you will need to undertake now, and honestly, for ever. AND! While your guidance counselor cannot get you on meds, s/he could support you in undertaking these behavioral life style oriented solutions which would be a big step in the right direction!

I feel very deeply for you, also you should be commended for seeking to address this at such a young age. I did not get diagnoses until I was 35!!! And one of the hardest things was thinking back on a life time of inexplicable behaviors and experiences and being able to retroactively attribute them to something that, at the end of the day, would have been manageable if I'd had the support and the interest of my parents and surrounding adults.

Also, I had the most TERRIBLE time in school, I went to 7 schools between kindergarten and Jr. High, none of them wanted me, it was terrible. Don't know if you have trouble in school, but I feel for young folks, and have done a lot of work with them in my adult life as a way of making sense and use of what I experienced as young person.

I wish you the best, I hope something about this has been helpful, and if you want to message me off of this thread I am happy to talk more.
Sending you strength!
MT

I moved around a lot in schools as well but that's because I've moved around a lot. I'm an A B student in ap and honors classes yet I failed my major classes last year thanks to what I believe was depression. I simply could not get myself to do the work all I wanted to do was lay in bed and sleep.

We have social workers somewhere in my school I just don't know where. (They move this year) and I would née to make an appointment to see them and its hard enough for me to explain my issues in multiple paragraphs on the Internet by myself in the comfort of my room let alone in a sentence to someone in the student services with five other students their to listen to what I'm saying. The only reason why in middle school I saw anyone or why my parents found out I was cutting in the first place was because an old friend told the school that I was cutting. I'm terrified to talk to someone at my school cause I'm kinda afraid they will call my mom and even though I want her to understand what's going on in my head I'm afraid she's going to jump to conclusion with the very first sentence that is spoken which is normally something along the lines of "hi I'm a social worker at your daughters school..." Blah blah blah blah blah.
Point is it didn't work out well the last time.
In fact the only reason why I even talk to someone outside of school was because I told her it was recommended by the school social worker and I wanted to. My parents just assumed that I stopped cutting just because they knew about therefore I didn't need any help.

I've asked a few times over the past 2-3 years if I could go talk to someone again but she's turned me down every time. I have told her that I feel crazy literally crazy an tried explaining everything to her but she says I'm just a normal teenager. Then I go an tell her something that my friend says about the situation an she says "last time I check so and SOS not a doctor." The irony....

I've thought about going to my school and asking for help but I don't know how exactly to go about that and I'm afraid of just being pushed away again.

The only people who even kind of believe me are the bpeople on this site and my friend who is bipolar. My other friends just accepted the fact that I'm crazy so I don't really know what they believe.

[Manic Trance]

AH!

That is so frustrating. I am so sorry to hear all of that. I knew when I suggested pursuing something through your school that that may not be something you'd want to do, and of course I understand that you don't.

Def keep coming on here!

There are ways that you can pursue free clinical attention that would be confidential as I know there are organizations that provide that. It is unlikely that said attention would lead to a prescription as of course that would require your parents buy in, but just the talk therapy could help. There must be a child protective services agency in your city/town. They will have a hot line that does not require you disclose your identity, and they will be able to refer you to organizations who do this kind of thing. I have worked inside of social services for a long time and I know this to be the case. If you have enough independence, meaning like a car and free time and what not, perhaps that is something you ought to pursue. Otherwise the life style things I mentioned do work.

Always happy to message, and I wish you nothing but the best!
MT

Originally Posted by Kitcatluver

I moved around a lot in schools as well but that's because I've moved around a lot. I'm an A B student in ap and honors classes yet I failed my major classes last year thanks to what I believe was depression. I simply could not get myself to do the work all I wanted to do was lay in bed and sleep.

We have social workers somewhere in my school I just don't know where. (They move this year) and I would née to make an appointment to see them and its hard enough for me to explain my issues in multiple paragraphs on the Internet by myself in the comfort of my room let alone in a sentence to someone in the student services with five other students their to listen to what I'm saying. The only reason why in middle school I saw anyone or why my parents found out I was cutting in the first place was because an old friend told the school that I was cutting. I'm terrified to talk to someone at my school cause I'm kinda afraid they will call my mom and even though I want her to understand what's going on in my head I'm afraid she's going to jump to conclusion with the very first sentence that is spoken which is normally something along the lines of "hi I'm a social worker at your daughters school..." Blah blah blah blah blah.
Point is it didn't work out well the last time.
In fact the only reason why I even talk to someone outside of school was because I told her it was recommended by the school social worker and I wanted to. My parents just assumed that I stopped cutting just because they knew about therefore I didn't need any help.

I've asked a few times over the past 2-3 years if I could go talk to someone again but she's turned me down every time. I have told her that I feel crazy literally crazy an tried explaining everything to her but she says I'm just a normal teenager. Then I go an tell her something that my friend says about the situation an she says "last time I check so and SOS not a doctor." The irony....

I've thought about going to my school and asking for help but I don't know how exactly to go about that and I'm afraid of just being pushed away again.

The only people who even kind of believe me are the bpeople on this site and my friend who is bipolar. My other friends just accepted the fact that I'm crazy so I don't really know what they believe.

[notALICE]

I was very premature. 3 months early, weighed less than 2 pounds. Smallest baby to survive the hospital I was born in (then). However, other family members have BP or depression, including some of my children, which leads to the conclusion that there is a genetic predisposition. Kind of like my familial high cholesterol, that's not diet related, but inherited. Most of my kids have it.

It can take a while to get a definitive diagnosis though. Mine was initially thought depression until antidepressants spun me into mania. Pieces fell together & patterns could be established by looking back. Professionals can miss it, but a professional would know best.

I hope whatever the diagnosis is - they find effective treatment for you. Many of your experiences could fit my own. I agree with the advice already given, find someone else who will listen & get help. It's sad because you've been asking & that takes bravery!

[Kitcatluver]

Originally Posted by Manic Trance

AH!

That is so frustrating. I am so sorry to hear all of that. I knew when I suggested pursuing something through your school that that may not be something you'd want to do, and of course I understand that you don't.

Def keep coming on here!

There are ways that you can pursue free clinical attention that would be confidential as I know there are organizations that provide that. It is unlikely that said attention would lead to a prescription as of course that would require your parents buy in, but just the talk therapy could help. There must be a child protective services agency in your city/town. They will have a hot line that does not require you disclose your identity, and they will be able to refer you to organizations who do this kind of thing. I have worked inside of social services for a long time and I know this to be the case. If you have enough independence, meaning like a car and free time and what not, perhaps that is something you ought to pursue. Otherwise the life style things I mentioned do work.

Always happy to message, and I wish you nothing but the best!
MT

I reread my post... So many weird mistakes... I'm on my iPod so...
Unfortunately I can't drive yet and if mom doesn't think I'm ready come the next few weeks to take my driving test then I'm not getting that privilege for some time than.
My mom hates the idea of me going behind her back but sometimes I feel like I have no choice with how she reacts to things.
As of right now I think I'm either gonna have to wait until I'm 18 or see if a friend or I can track down someone at my school wether or not they will actually talk to me is another story cause saying that someone things they are crazy is probably not enough to get me out of class to talk to them. If I became a danger to myself or others that's a different story but unfortunately schools (along with anyone that doesn't get paid) just does not care about our issues.
At least that's what it's been like in my experience.

[Kitcatluver]

Originally Posted by notALICE

I was very premature. 3 months early, weighed less than 2 pounds. Smallest baby to survive the hospital I was born in (then). However, other family members have BP or depression, including some of my children, which leads to the conclusion that there is a genetic predisposition. Kind of like my familial high cholesterol, that's not diet related, but inherited. Most of my kids have it.

It can take a while to get a definitive diagnosis though. Mine was initially thought depression until antidepressants spun me into mania. Pieces fell together & patterns could be established by looking back. Professionals can miss it, but a professional would know best.

I hope whatever the diagnosis is - they find effective treatment for you. Many of your experiences could fit my own. I agree with the advice already given, find someone else who will listen & get help. It's sad because you've been asking & that takes bravery!

You where smaller than I was (about 2 pounds 2 ounces).
Thanks and maybe one day I'd actually get to talk to a professional about these issues.
I've brought up some of the issues with my doctor but than my mom added her two sense cause of course she knows more about the situation than I do. Funny but seriously annoying. The doctor wound up agreeing with my mom but he doesn't care enough to actually do his job half the time.
I came in once bitten by bedbugs (my mom bought old used furniture) he told us to see this special doctor for a skin condition I didn't have.

[loophole]

What bothers me the most is that you keep saying "I feel crazy" almost like hey if I'm crazy I'm bipolar. .. you don't have to be "crazy" in the head to be bipolar... sorry just read that through this thread and really frustrated me..... I'm not crazy

[Kitcatluver]

Originally Posted by loophole

What bothers me the most is that you keep saying "I feel crazy" almost like hey if I'm crazy I'm bipolar. .. you don't have to be "crazy" in the head to be bipolar... sorry just read that through this thread and really frustrated me..... I'm not crazy

I'm sorry if I offended you because that was not my intent. I don't think that people who are bipolar or any mood personality or any disorder for that matter are crazy, I'm just saying what I feel. Everyone keeps telling me that I'm fine that I'm normal which makes me feel crazy for wondering.
For all I know I am "normal" and just paranoid.

Again I'm sorry I I offended anyone.

[StayinAlive]

Is there any teacher at school who you trust and could ask for help in finding help? Maybe they could set up something one on one with a school psychologist or social worker? Or make the initial call for you? I'm sure many here can relate to the fact that when you are having mental/emotional problems, it is even more difficult to figure out how to get help.

[Kitcatluver]

Originally Posted by StayinAlive

Is there any teacher at school who you trust and could ask for help in finding help? Maybe they could set up something one on one with a school psychologist or social worker? Or make the initial call for you? I'm sure many here can relate to the fact that when you are having mental/emotional problems, it is even more difficult to figure out how to get help.

There's one teacher I trust but going up to her and saying I think there is something mentally wrong with me is going to go downhill fast. I trust her more for music and acting advice.

[vjdragonfly]

Can you see you regular doctor and talk privately (if you can't in front of your parents). Do the mood journal and take it with you. If the doctor feels you need to see a pdoc, maybe your parents will see the importance to get you there. Or maybe speak to a school counselor, mental illness can be more kept at bay if you are properly diagnosed and treated. I hope things work out for you, let me know how things go.

[catman1975]

It is possible you could be bipolar, but there could be other conditions with it as well or it may be something altogether different. You need to be evaluated by a psychiatrist and come up with a diagnosis and a treatment plan that works.

Sounds like you've already had some close calls with self injury. Don't waste any time getting in to get a professional opinion.

VJ's suggestion about getting a referral from your family doc might be a good route to go. Maybe hearing it from your doctor will make it somehow more valid for your mom.