[Wanderlust90]

I posted this in the ED forum but I don't know if there's much traffic there & I want feedback.

I'm not dx with ED but I'm good at hiding my eating patterns. I usually fast all day then eat dinner, often binging after but no vomiting, usually just further fasting with appetite suppressants & sometimes lax/diuretics.

I've started losing weight again. , restricting to 1200cal daily which I don't feel is too significant a restriction. I want to get to 50kg by novemberish. I hate the feeling of fullness. Weight loss seems to have fuelled a small fire in me & is REALLY helping my mood for some very weird unknown reason, sooo much less anxiety, more energy & drive, I'm happier, until I binge ��

I don't know if I can keep hiding my weight loss though, coming into summer & im already getting more comments, EAT EAT EAT.

Wondering if any others dx bipolar/panic disorder have found food restriction to help them? I'm not advocating it to be clear!

Have you read Marya Hornbacher's memoirs? She wrote her first one - "Wasted" - about her very severe eating disorder(s), and then years later wrote her second one - "Madness" - after she was diagnosed with BP. At the time she wrote Wasted (young, like 23 y.o) she didn't know she had bipolar. In Madness she talks about how she came to understand that her eating disorder was a desperate attempt to gain control over her moods.

restricting food could be messing with your moods, making you hypomanic (and thus less anxious as well). i'm sure you are aware that this is not a healthy or sustainable solution tho...

i restrict at the moment i am not eating more than 500cal a day it does help my mood and makes me feel better but it is hard to explain but i think i know what you mean so yes it helps me too in a weird way.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by thepterodactyl

Have you read Marya Hornbacher's memoirs? She wrote her first one - "Wasted" - about her very severe eating disorder(s), and then years later wrote her second one - "Madness" - after she was diagnosed with BP. At the time she wrote Wasted (young, like 23 y.o) she didn't know she had bipolar. In Madness she talks about how she came to understand that her eating disorder was a desperate attempt to gain control over her moods.

restricting food could be messing with your moods, making you hypomanic (and thus less anxious as well). i'm sure you are aware that this is not a healthy or sustainable solution tho...

I've read all her books!! Amazing writer!

But I am Dx with bulimia and anorexia. Fasting is very unhealthy and the body will feed off of its own muscle before fat. I at least eat a few bites every 3-4 hours to keep metabolism up.

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

I've read all her books!! Amazing writer!

But I am Dx with bulimia and anorexia. Fasting is very unhealthy and the body will feed off of its own muscle before fat. I at least eat a few bites every 3-4 hours to keep metabolism up.

yes, she is really great I just read Melissa Broder's "so sad today" - if you're into MH you might like that also (not to hijack this post!)

[Wanderlust90]

Originally Posted by thepterodactyl

Have you read Marya Hornbacher's memoirs? She wrote her first one - "Wasted" - about her very severe eating disorder(s), and then years later wrote her second one - "Madness" - after she was diagnosed with BP. At the time she wrote Wasted (young, like 23 y.o) she didn't know she had bipolar. In Madness she talks about how she came to understand that her eating disorder was a desperate attempt to gain control over her moods.

restricting food could be messing with your moods, making you hypomanic (and thus less anxious as well). i'm sure you are aware that this is not a healthy or sustainable solution tho...

I've read them both & loved them. I never really linked fasting & hypomania together though, perhaps this is true. I honestly thought fasting would be increasing my adrenaline/anxiety. I will point out that I've stopped using marijuana in the past 2 weeks also so that will be lowering my anxiety (which I think it was fuelling) & increasing my energy also, but fasting had these effects on me prior to stopping marijuana (although admittedly it was easier to binge).

Thanks for your feedback! You've left me with something to think about.

[junkDNA]

your mood will eventually plummet. ive lived with an eating disorder for 14 years now... its not a game

[junkDNA]

also fasting is not sustainable as youve probably noticed and leads to bingeing. when one restricts or fasts and seriously cuts calorie intake your metabolism will slow down. then when you do finally eat your body is in starvation mode and automatically turns all the food into fat as a survival mechanism

nope.

i've learned my lesson with food restrictions

Possible trigger:

back in 2005, I did like a food fasting thing for a while (I guess I just wanted to die), I did end up shutting down and ending up in the hospital- not just that, but i was messed up for at least a year.. the thought of food just made me ill, even if it was just something little (some soup, or a single potato chip)

now i'm the other way around and eat like their is no tomorrow. I carry some guilt with it, but as I always like to say for anything, "it is what it is"

I don't do any major restrictions intentionally....I don't have the will-power for it. I do go through periods where I can't eat for long periods of time. I will have a few bites of fruit a day but won't be able to eat anything else without wanting to spit it out the moment I feel it in my mouth. During these times, no food sounds good and I just can't force myself to eat. When this happens, I tend to drop weight quickly and I also get this euphoric feeling from it sometimes. But it's not a conscience thing I do intentionally. I also go through periods where I can't stop eating, am always hungry and everything sounds delicious. I will pack on weight rapidly. It is also very common for me to fixate on a safe food that doesn't disgust me and eat nothing but that food for weeks at a time. It will be the only thing I can tollerate and stomach. It's not very healthy and probably dangerous but I don't have any control over it.

I'm sorry you are suffering with this. (((Hugs)))

[RomanJames2014]

OMG I just saw this,

This is exactly my pattern and I only take in about 800 to 900 calories a day. I have done this for years now and until recently never realized that this was an eating disorder. My therapist diagnosed me with an eating disorder and made me take this test and fill the stuff out so weds. I will find out what she says.
That bad part for me is that even though I am aware of it now, i haven't changed my eating habits.
I hope you get well soon.