[boogiesmash]

So my friends wedding is in almost 4 months and I still look the same. I haven't lost weight (maybe gained) and I have no date for the wedding. This is making me so sad. And I don't even know if my new med cocktail is working and I'm just too depressed for it to lift me up. Someone give me a kick in the ***.

If I were single I'd be your date Boogie. If you'd have me of course (((Hugs))). You don't need a date to be awesome...you don't need to lose weight either. By being single you're smart and might get first pick of the bridesmaids.

I'm sorry to make light....I know you are hurting over this. I wish I could fix this for you. (((Hugs)))

Hey, remember me?! Your crazy old drunk aunt?! Scooch up a bit. No, not that much, wassa matter, you forgot the deodorant? So, whatcha wearing? OMG nooooooooo. Not that, you look like a penguin. Ditch the black and white with the coat tails. Lemme take you shopping. C'mon, I know you wanna. Hic. (Stifles burp and tries to push empty gin bottle out of eyeshot). I think you'd better drive. I must have eaten cheese too late last night, I feel a little giddy. Let's go for the drag look. I've always wanted to put make up on a man. First we need to wax everything. I mean EVERYTHING. Yup, that too. Now I'm thinking maybe a gold lame ball gown with slingbacks. And a little itty bitty tiara. Maybe crimp that. Nope, perhaps a wig. A pink one. And some fake nails. A poodle, you need a poodle. To carry in your man bag. With your fan. Wait, where are you going?! Come back, don't run away! Stoooppp

Here's my best shot at a kick to your pants: if you can't pull your act together and find an appropriate date in the next four months, I pledge to fly 5000 miles to Jersey to attend the wedding as your batsh-t bipolar date of identical gender. I'll cross-dress as Courtney Love and spread in casual conversation the wildest disinformation that your friends have ever heard, and that's before I get drunk. I'll turn back the destigmatization of mental illness in the Northeast by an entire generation, and I'll probably get my butt kicked. Better hit the gym, brother, 'cause I'm not bluffing.

[boogiesmash]

Rofl thanks guys. Feeling better and just got done in the gym. Did I mention I'm the best man?

We knew you were the best man...that goes without saying. Congrats on your position of honor...your friend must really care and respect you. Good job at the gym!