Going Down

I'm sitting here online listening to my new CD waiting for the electricity to be shut off. My son is eating stale bread sticks asking me how long are they good for. I want to take to my bed and not come out. But that's not good enough. I'm too awake. He asked to go out somewhere but we have no money so where would we go? Our friend Ken is out at his sister's house as its Tuesday. I don't know when he'd be back. Why couldn't I publish my blog- see below: I changed the layout a bit; looks cool! I'd either sit here and post all evening or go out with my son. I just feel like singing sad songs. I've been listening to people sing sad songs to me. Wellbutrin isn't working but maybe it is? I feel down and hallucinating at the same time? Can you hallucinate with the depression- not just mania? I wish I could write music. That would be a great thing to do the way I feel today! OMG that would just be GREAT!!!

Maybe I'm in a Mixed episode.

Pretty sure I've been told you can have psychosis while depressed. How is your weather....any ponds nearby to feed the ducks or take a walk in the park?

I'm sorry you are depressed

I just can't do stuff. Its all overwhelming. I just blogged and that does help. I feel like I'm just not very productive at 44. I need to be in a home somewhere being taken care of. I can't do life. I can't pay bills. I can't feed my kids. I can't think straight. I hallucinate. I can't adult.

I feel so bad. Like this day will last forever. It will. We won't have any money or food tomorrow. Likely or anything else if stuff gets shut off. Spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin.

The pharmacist called this afternoon and asked me how I was doing on the Wellbutrin. I told her in a chipper voice, "Good! Its great!" Yeah. When does it kick in anyway?

Try to be there for your child. He must be very afraid. What can you do to make sure he is safe and taken care of? Can you call someone to come over and help with the children?

He's up in his room on the computer. I'm downstairs listening to music. He's the only one here right now.

Free things to do...

- most museums allow the under- employed to enter free of charge
- many public art galleries are free; often they have free art classes
- many assistance programs provide a leisure pass to pools, etc
- check on community programming; often they will be free of charge or on a sliding scale to the low-income
- register for programs like Scouts
- look for free youth groups (do you attend church maybe?)
- check on free activities with Meet-Up
- find other children to play with
- contact Boys and Girls Club
- contact sporting associations; they often have scholarships for their sports programs
- contact 'kidsport' or whatever local agency is there about subsidized sports registration/equipment programs
.....

How old is your child? I agree, I think you need help and fast. Does your child have some place they can visit for a small while?

I think you should let your doc know what's going on. When I feel as you do, my husband has to take over for awhile...do you have anyone who can stay with you both for a bit?

He is 15. Tonight my mom and her husband are at work. My daughter is 17 and happily at her boyfriend's tonight.

What should I do? There is an after-hours line my pdoc's office has. I was going to go out with Ken at 8 or 9 but it might be too late dunno. I was just thinking that he might buy us dinner. So what should I say is going on? I feel wound up, hallucinating and depressed?

I just fed him Ramen noodles. I didn't know he likes those, but there aren't a lot of other choices right now. If I call the after-hours, our conversation will go into my file and my pdoc and case manager will see it. The pharmacy called earlier tonight and asked how the new med was going. They've never done that before. I told them it was going fine. I couldn't think straight as someone was knocking on my door at the exact same time. (All that lady wanted was to ask if I had little kids to add to their playgroup.) I may take a shower tonight to keep my bed all clean and put on my favorite fuzzy PJ's. The friend I wanted to talk with is on Facebook (I keep getting notifications on my phone) but can't take a moment to message me back. Meh.

I think you should call and tell them everything ((hugs))