[newtobipolar]

During a depressive episode, sometimes it is so overwhelming that I have to just lie on my bed, watch TV and just chill for a while.
My 10yo is playing by himself, and I think he is content, but how do I know? Does he miss me? Does he think something bad is wrong with me, bc I just have to be alone and veg for a while?

I always feel so guilty. Anyome else?

I think it's a natural feeling.

I'd be surprised if anyone here said, no.. I don't feel guilty when I have to stop in the middle of something

horrible realisation

[baseline]

I feel the same as you. I missed 3 of my son's solver games because I couldn't get out of bed. Luckily, my husband and daughter were able to go. He did ask why I am in bed all the time. I felt so horrible. I explained that sometimes I just get so tired. I can't hide the depression now that he is older. I try so hard to hide it from him and my family. Its exhausting. I did say that depression is an illness and that I am getting help. I try every day.

[newtobipolar]

Originally Posted by baseline

I feel the same as you. I missed 3 of my son's solver games because I couldn't get out of bed. Luckily, my husband and daughter were able to go. He did ask why I am in bed all the time. I felt so horrible. I explained that sometimes I just get so tired. I can't hide the depression now that he is older. I try so hard to hide it from him and my family. Its exhausting. I did say that depression is an illness and that I am getting help. I try every day.

EXACTLY!!! My kids are pretty used to me sleeping alot.

[newtobipolar]

Exactly!! My kids are pretty used to me having to sleep alot. I feel so guilty, but I try hard to remember I have a disease that I have very little, if any, control over.

((hugs))

[Espurr1989]

Can you invite him to sit in the bed with you and watch a favorite movie? Or would that be too triggering? I don't have kids yet, so I am unsure about how that might go.

[wildflowerchild25]

I feel the same way. My son is only five but he is happy to play by himself. When I am well I take the time to play with him, make crafts with him, etc. but when I am down it's all I can do to lay on the couch. I am a single mom so he doesn't even have his dad to play with him when mommy can't. And he doesn't have any siblings to play with either.

I feel awful when I can't play with him. My mother was depressed growing up and she spent the majority of the time in her room. It messed me up for awhile because nothing I did would make her happy. I felt awful about it. I hope my son never feels that way. But there's really nothing I can do. I force myself to get up sometimes when depressed but it's so hard. I completely understand.

[Unrigged64072835]

I did the same thing when my daughter was growing up. It didn't help that I was a single parent in the military and had to work weird hours at times. She turned out okay and we still love each other, so that's cool.

[vjdragonfly]

My kids are older, but I still do my best to hide my depression even from my husband. I will lay down like I'm taking a nap if I need to break down. I guess it is easier cause my kids are older now 15 & 20. I do feel guilty for what I put my oldest through. She got to deal with me undiagnosed and I was definitely all over the place. I don't know how she felt when she was younger but she has always told me I was a good Mom even when I feel like I was the worst at it.

[sherrimayne]

Exactly!

Like you, my children are older now (2 boys 18 & 16) who do not really need "Mom's Help" fot anything anymore. I am actually okay with them spending time doing their own tasks because they need to learn independence! My guilt sets in especially when my 16 year old son Isaiah, who has Asperger's Syndrome, comes into my bedroom and talk very low and soft to me. He will ask if he can do anything for me. I usually tell him "no" because I can't even think about coming up with a chore for him. Then he will give me the biggest hug and tell me that he loves me. I watch him walk out of my room and my heart breaks. He understands my depression. I've had it longer than he is alive, but he is a fixer like his Dad. He wants to fix. His Asperger's Syndrome keeps him from understanding why he can not just "fix it, although I would appreciate if he could..." I still hope that some day, they will never see me struggle with my anxiety and depression.

Originally Posted by vjdragonfly

My kids are older, but I still do my best to hide my depression even from my husband. I will lay down like I'm taking a nap if I need to break down. I guess it is easier cause my kids are older now 15 & 20. I do feel guilty for what I put my oldest through. She got to deal with me undiagnosed and I was definitely all over the place. I don't know how she felt when she was younger but she has always told me I was a good Mom even when I feel like I was the worst at it.