[jtassar93]

So I've been told I have psychosis because of the blunted affect, hallucinations, and the delusions. I haven't been officially diagnosed yet though. It's been manageable so far. The delusions have been somewhat serious but somewhat mild, it depends. The seeing things has been hard. I'd say about 40% of my day I'm either seeing or hearing things. Now it's increased. It's starting to get hard to tell what's real and what's not. There are some times where I feel completely fine and everything seems normal. I don't know what to do anymore.

I hate to say this but it sounds to me it's time to seriously consider IP. It's getting worse, it's bad, you're losing touch with reality. You need to be seen right away I feel. I'm so, so sorry. I really am. I wish I could make it all go away or teach you something to help but I can't think of one thing. (((Hugs)))

[jtassar93]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

I hate to say this but it sounds to me it's time to seriously consider IP. It's getting worse, it's bad, you're losing touch with reality. You need to be seen right away I feel. I'm so, so sorry. I really am. I wish I could make it all go away or teach you something to help but I can't think of one thing. (((Hugs)))

I know that in my head but I just can't seem to do it. I'm so scared. Plus I'm worried about the cost. Most of our money goes towards bills and my meds.

Ask your pdoc about low-dose Haldol. It's old school like lithium, but it's enjoying a revival over here in low doses, and I doubt it's as expensive as all the shiny new psychotropics advertised on the telly.

Put the money stuff out of your mind completely....money can always be made in the future.....I understand you are scared and I'm sorry....but some things just MUST be done and I think you are at that point. (((Hugs)))

I agree, I really think it's time for ip. Sometimes there's nothing that can be done outpatient if you're deep into psychosis. I agree with Elsa worry about the money later. There are programs that can help. I'm so sorry you're struggling so much. Hugs!

[jtassar93]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

Ask your pdoc about low-dose Haldol. It's old school like lithium, but it's enjoying a revival over here in low doses, and I doubt it's as expensive as all the shiny new psychotropics advertised on the telly.

I'll ask him about it, thanks.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

IP can help you get things worked out quickly and let you actually feel better. As for expense they have social workers who can help you get onto any programs you are eligible for, including assistance through the hospital which is sometimes available (at my hospital if your income is low enough care is free; they also help me get hooked up with the right people to use my Medicaid (I have to spend a certain amount before it kicks in).

I think you really need to just give in and go IP and get things straightened out. You've been fighting this for months and it isn't getting better. I know you want to get better so why not just take the plunge and do it?

[jtassar93]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

Put the money stuff out of your mind completely....money can always be made in the future.....I understand you are scared and I'm sorry....but some things just MUST be done and I think you are at that point. (((Hugs)))

I just don't want to put my mom through that. It's just us and I don't work, so money is tight. My mom doesn't know how bad it is for me so I'm afraid of what she'll think of me.

I know but I just don't want to put my mom through that. It's just us and I don't work so money is tight. I've lived with this for so long so I'm going to try to make it through and maybe it'll go away.

[jtassar93]

Originally Posted by rose1985

I agree, I really think it's time for ip. Sometimes there's nothing that can be done outpatient if you're deep into psychosis. I agree with Elsa worry about the money later. There are programs that can help. I'm so sorry you're struggling so much. Hugs!

Thank you. I'm going to try to give it time to go away first. Then I'll consider ip. Unless my T or pdoc insist.

[jtassar93]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

IP can help you get things worked out quickly and let you actually feel better. As for expense they have social workers who can help you get onto any programs you are eligible for, including assistance through the hospital which is sometimes available (at my hospital if your income is low enough care is free; they also help me get hooked up with the right people to use my Medicaid (I have to spend a certain amount before it kicks in).

I think you really need to just give in and go IP and get things straightened out. You've been fighting this for months and it isn't getting better. I know you want to get better so why not just take the plunge and do it?

Thank you for the information. Ip is just terrifying to me. I'm going to hold out until I'm forced to go. :/

We can't force you but we are encouraging you. (((Hugs)))

[jtassar93]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

We can't force you but we are encouraging you. (((Hugs)))

Thank you. I know I really should go. Maybe my T or pdoc will recommend it so I don't have to go in myself.

When will you talk to them? Soon?

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I just don't know what else to suggest to you. I don't mean that to be mean, I just want you to get help and feel better and while I understand fearing the hospital I know from experience that there is a point where nothing else will help. I also know that it is truly not that bad. I don't mind it at all. I don't seek it out but I don't have a problem knowing that I seem to need to go in from time to time. And I was once TERRIFIED of it. I just think if you were in a bad place and getting worse there isn't much else that we can suggest on the board.

[jtassar93]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

When will you talk to them? Soon?

T is next Wednesday and pdoc is in like 2 weeks.

[jtassar93]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I just don't know what else to suggest to you. I don't mean that to be mean, I just want you to get help and feel better and while I understand fearing the hospital I know from experience that there is a point where nothing else will help. I also know that it is truly not that bad. I don't mind it at all. I don't seek it out but I don't have a problem knowing that I seem to need to go in from time to time. And I was once TERRIFIED of it. I just think if you were in a bad place and getting worse there isn't much else that we can suggest on the board.

I know you're just trying to help and thank you. I know I'm in a bad place but it doesn't always look like it so I don't want to seem dramatic. How long is a typical stay? I want to get out of there as soon as possible. Will I have privacy... There are so many questions I have.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I think at most hospitals 3-5 days. I go to a mood disorder unit and it is 3-7 days. The doctors work with me to determine when I'm ready to go. They can change meds really fast in there so it's like 4 months worth of pdoc visits all done in a few days (maybe even longer if you are like me and can never have drastic changes without supervision because of med issues).

I've had a private room once and doubles the other times (I've been in 4 times). However last time I was so sick that most of the time they kept me from having a roommate so I could be alone and quiet. At my hospital you get a private shower (although supervision if you want to shave) and I've mostly felt like I had enough privacy (and I'm a very private person). You get to wear your own clothes from home and can bring in books, cards, drawing things. Some of those may be supplied; there are always coloring things and other simple crafts out on my unit. Last time I took my own tea bags in because I don't like theirs. You can have your own soap, shampoo, etc. which I've found helps with feeling comfortable.

For the most part the staff I've dealt with have been fabulous and the ones who weren't didn't seem to last long. The food used to not be great but now it is quite good with lots of selections.

If it tells you anything I was TERRIFIED for many years of being hospitalized. 7 years ago I think today in fact I wound up there. I was so afraid but I got there, was shown around, the nurses went through a billion questions and forms and I was given a lunch tray while they did this and then I was left alone for a little bit. I started crying because it was so good to be somewhere safe, to have someone taking care of me when I just couldn't anymore, and because I didn't have to dread it anymore. I cried for a long time and then did art therapy where I immediately started learning some coping things and pretty much that's how it has always been.

Can I/we answer specific questions?

I hope you just go. It's not that bad. You'll be ok there.

[jtassar93]

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I think at most hospitals 3-5 days. I go to a mood disorder unit and it is 3-7 days. The doctors work with me to determine when I'm ready to go. They can change meds really fast in there so it's like 4 months worth of pdoc visits all done in a few days (maybe even longer if you are like me and can never have drastic changes without supervision because of med issues).

I've had a private room once and doubles the other times (I've been in 4 times). However last time I was so sick that most of the time they kept me from having a roommate so I could be alone and quiet. At my hospital you get a private shower (although supervision if you want to shave) and I've mostly felt like I had enough privacy (and I'm a very private person). You get to wear your own clothes from home and can bring in books, cards, drawing things. Some of those may be supplied; there are always coloring things and other simple crafts out on my unit. Last time I took my own tea bags in because I don't like theirs. You can have your own soap, shampoo, etc. which I've found helps with feeling comfortable.

For the most part the staff I've dealt with have been fabulous and the ones who weren't didn't seem to last long. The food used to not be great but now it is quite good with lots of selections.

If it tells you anything I was TERRIFIED for many years of being hospitalized. 7 years ago I think today in fact I wound up there. I was so afraid but I got there, was shown around, the nurses went through a billion questions and forms and I was given a lunch tray while they did this and then I was left alone for a little bit. I started crying because it was so good to be somewhere safe, to have someone taking care of me when I just couldn't anymore, and because I didn't have to dread it anymore. I cried for a long time and then did art therapy where I immediately started learning some coping things and pretty much that's how it has always been.

Can I/we answer specific questions?

Thank you so much for the description. Is there any way I can guarantee a 3 day stay? I feel really uncomfortable anywhere but home. They won't check on you while you shower? I'm a very very private person. Will the med changes be given back to my pdoc? I don't like not knowing what I'm going to get. Plus I have to worry about the cost. I'm also a very picky eater. If I don't eat will they force me? Also do I have to attend group activities? I have extreme social anxiety and would prefer not to.

When I was in a psychosis I was thinking every organization, business, company etc had ppl in it from an organization I was abused in drugging and raping ppl. I was terrified of the hospital. But I trusted my family. My mind was completely gone. I could not get it to stop racing with just horrid, horrible thoughts of the abuse I went through. Luckily the pdoc I saw in the hospital was really handsome and kind. Gave me zyprexa right away. I had 2 of my sisters with me so I felt safe. I hadn't slept or eaten for 5 days. I was exhausted.

Not trying to sound mean but if it's bad enough imo you'll go. I hope you do. You'll be safe.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

They can't make you do anything.

The last time I was there I had a roommate who felt very anxious and was discharged very quickly because she felt it was not helping to be in the situation. They did a few med changes and she left in a few days. I don't know how common that is although I can think of 3 or 4 people in my last 2 stays (my last stay was 15 days so I saw a lot of coming and going; it was a major med overhaul instead of the usual in and out trip).

I've never had anyone even knock on the bathroom door while I was in the shower. They do know you are in there at my hospital because you have to ask for a towel and to be let in.

When they send you home they fax a bunch of stuff to your regular pdoc.

They won't make you eat. The first time I was in there I came in without an appetite because of severe depression and then didn't regain it because of a side effect of a med. They encouraged me to eat and I saw a nutritionist once or twice but that was it. Honestly the menu where I go has enough you can generally find something, even the picky people.

They'll encourage activities but again, they can't force anything. You can explain the social anxiety. I can't tolerate noise and sometimes this is really bad so that I can't spend time in the common room. I just explain this so they don't think I'm isolating and everyone is fine with it. My last stay I missed a lot of groups because I was too ill to attend. On my unit group participation is more encouraged than on other units as it's part of the "mood disorder" thing they have set up. (Not that you'd have the same experience on another mood disorder unit).

They are really nice about giving night meds when you want them (within reason) so you control sleeping.

They are used to anxious patients.

Another things they may be able to help with is rides to appointments. I think you really need a social worker and the hospital is a great place for that.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Also, honestly you don't sound so comfortable at home right now. Again, not trying to be harsh, just honest. Last year people being honest on here with me when I didn't want to hear it saved me some serious pain. I just want you to feel better.

Something you can do is google the hospital you'd go to and see if they have information about their behavioral health units. Some will even have pictures which helped me to know what to expect.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Oh, and you usually can do laundry on the unit so they only want you to take a few days of clothes. I take enough to have a tshirt and sweatshirt daily as it can be quite chilly.

And they have snacks and stuff. They have phones for patient use (I think this is a law) during any time there isn't groups. I remember taking money for snack machines and a phone card and needed neither.

I agree with the above poster that you should have a social worker and perhaps they can help you organize rides to and from appointments in the future....it would be worth it just for that.

My experiences with the hospital have all been different. Some had private locked shower rooms, others had a half door on the shower. Last time I told them I could not sleep because my roommate moved around too much (truth was I was paranoid of her) and they let me sleep in the Rec room alone with a locked door and kept checking on me. They accommodated my needs. Good food everytime and they didn't force me to eat but kept note of how much. They never forced groups but did encourage me to attend. They will try and make you as comfortable as possible most likely...that has been my experience.