[franz kafka]

Seroquel has been super effective for me in terms of squashing mania. I've had a few isolated moments of hypomania, but rarely lasting longer than a couple days.

I know this is taboo to say, but I miss it. I miss it even though my manias are bad enough to include psychosis and need hospitalization. Even though I hurt everyone around me. Even though I spend myself into debt.

I miss feeling like I have superpowers. I miss feeling like I have the whole universe figured out. I miss it even more because I still experience depressions (with psychosis). What good is treatment if I still get psychotically depressed but no highs? Does anyone else ever miss being manic or hypomanic?

I'm currently medicated and manic. I thought I'd dipped out of it but I'm at least hypo and still delusional even though I'm on some heavy hitting medications. I'm glad I do have my mania. I suffer with debilitating daily pain when stable or depressed. While manic this pain is lessened a bit to completely depending on how high I am. I need the pain free days to see a point in living. I do not wish to go too high and I need to be careful with the allegations I make at this time because that can be harmful but I'm rather harmless in my current state. I'm much more dangerous to myself when psychotic and depressed. That is a nightmare. How we treat this illness is unique to all. I try to medicate it away but it has a life of its own regardless. So I ride the waves and wear a helmet. My husband also keeps a watch on me but mostly he just plays video games or we watch TV together. It's not like he's standing guard or I'm some psycho or something. Everyone's situation is different. I tolerate mania because I have no other choice for a variety or reasons.

[Gabyunbound]

I miss it miss it miss it!! I just want to find that sweet spot where I'm euphoric, deeply know everything, am smarter and funnier and cleverer than everyone else...my anxiety having melted away. Full of sparks and light. Dancing to music anywhere and everywhere... Oh just all of it. But it has to stay that way and then, eventually, after I've had all the fun, go back to baseline, instead of what too often happens, which is it turning into terrible agitation, paranoia, and then into full-blown mania. In short, yes, I miss it so much, I just wish I could have it and with none of the ugliness that can go along with it. Is there a pill for that???