[Cdnstargazer]

...I'm struggling. I know in winter when all the beautiful greens fade to browns and the weather becomes cold that I get this way.

I am having trouble accepting my shortfalls. I couldn't manage to get out of bed this morning. I fell asleep after a morning coffee and slept on and off for 11 hours. Ugh.

I've started taking fish oil and vitamin d supplements... and I exercise 3-4x a week (but even that is a struggle...)

My thoughts are slow, my concentration is worsening. My memory- what memory. I can't remember what I ate most days. It causes issues in my relationship.

I'm afraid.. the last few winters have been rough.. and last winter in January I slept and worked... but ended up in the hospital for psychosis and depression.

I'm currently taking 50mg Seroquel and 2mg of abilify. I have a psychiatrist but he's part of public health so I see him about ever 2-3 months. No other psychiatrist would take me.

I don't want to fall so low that I can't function and our finances go down the toilet because I'm incapacitated again.

**** this. I hate depression.

Any advice?

I get depressed mid December usually....it starts pecking at me around thangiving and by Christmas it's usually full blown. I plan to add Wellbutrin to my cocktail when this happens as I've tried super supplements and saw very little improvement overall. I will need the meds. I'm thinking about talking to my doctor about one of those SAD lights and using it too. I've heard they can cause mania in susceptible individuals so I need to talk about the pros and cons of at least trying it. Depression is just awful and my heart goes out to you. Are you safe?

[Cdnstargazer]

I am safe. I'm doing everything right, trying to stay away from alcohol (except for special occasions and the occasional glass here and there.) I am attending therapy. But this bone weary exhaustion is maddening.

I know my partner knows I get like this but when I see her face because I'm too exhausted to have sex some nights or go out and do fun things in the mornings because I'm bone weary tired, it's hard. The look on her face or our kids when I'm this tired or irritated is heartbreaking.

Like it makes me feel not good enough. I wish my partner didn't have a partner who struggles with mental illness and highs and lows. She deserves better but she obviously loves me because she's still here.

I work a physical and emotionally tolling job in Healthcare and days in the fall/winter are hard... ugh.

I wonder if my dr would give me an antidepressant just for the winter? You think he would try it?

Back in October I just got out of the hospital for high hypomania (mania?) So I almost don't want to ask because he'd say no anyway.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Have you tried a SAD lamp? I have one that is adjustable in intensity so that I control how much light I get which lets me prevent mania. I don't use it if I am manic or mixed so some years it doesn't get used at all but when I am depressed this time of year it really can help. Like I said, it's adjustable so I usually use it at 5-10% (I think they recommend 50%) and for 8-15 minutes (they recommend 15 minutes). It really does help.

[still_crazy]

I think wellbutrin is supposed to help with seasonal depression, if your doctor thinks drug treatment is the way to go. Not everybody does well with wellbutrin, and some people are higher risk with it than others (history of seizures, eating disorders, tapering benzodiazepines, etc.).

Hope you can find something that helps.

Originally Posted by Cdnstargazer

I am safe. I'm doing everything right, trying to stay away from alcohol (except for special occasions and the occasional glass here and there.) I am attending therapy. But this bone weary exhaustion is maddening.

I know my partner knows I get like this but when I see her face because I'm too exhausted to have sex some nights or go out and do fun things in the mornings because I'm bone weary tired, it's hard. The look on her face or our kids when I'm this tired or irritated is heartbreaking.

Like it makes me feel not good enough. I wish my partner didn't have a partner who struggles with mental illness and highs and lows. She deserves better but she obviously loves me because she's still here.

I work a physical and emotionally tolling job in Healthcare and days in the fall/winter are hard... ugh.

I wonder if my dr would give me an antidepressant just for the winter? You think he would try it?

Back in October I just got out of the hospital for high hypomania (mania?) So I almost don't want to ask because he'd say no anyway.

Have you considered light therapy? I respond well to Wellbutrin but I need an AP on board to take one. If you are stable but depressed, discussing an AD couldn't hurt. Have you responded positively to any AD's in the past?

Originally Posted by Cdnstargazer

I am safe. I'm doing everything right, trying to stay away from alcohol (except for special occasions and the occasional glass here and there.) I am attending therapy. But this bone weary exhaustion is maddening.

I know my partner knows I get like this but when I see her face because I'm too exhausted to have sex some nights or go out and do fun things in the mornings because I'm bone weary tired, it's hard. The look on her face or our kids when I'm this tired or irritated is heartbreaking.

Like it makes me feel not good enough. I wish my partner didn't have a partner who struggles with mental illness and highs and lows. She deserves better but she obviously loves me because she's still here.

I work a physical and emotionally tolling job in Healthcare and days in the fall/winter are hard... ugh.

I wonder if my dr would give me an antidepressant just for the winter? You think he would try it?

Back in October I just got out of the hospital for high hypomania (mania?) So I almost don't want to ask because he'd say no anyway.

I feel the same way about my partner when depressed....that they deserve so much better than me. But my husband has his own problems and feels the same way about me....that I deserve someone better. And to me he is more than enough and to him I are more than enough. Depression gives us distorted thinking which makes us believe our partners would be better off without us. When in fact they would be very sad and so would we which makes it a lose , lose situation.