[ComfortablyNumb5]

I'll be turning 30 in may and I'm thinking so much about everything including having my own family. Is it bad that I don't think I want kids? I can't risk being taken off meds. That scares me so bad. I absolutely cannot sleep without seroquel. And even if I stayed on meds while pregnant, what if it harmed the baby? I'd never forgive myself. And ok... if I had a kid with someone and we split, that guy will tell a judge I'm crazy and he'll take my child. Omg I can't imagine. I just don't think I'm cut out for it. I have pets and that's good enough. They're so therapeutic to me like service animals. Maybe I'm being hard on myself. When I was 10 I had to take care of my baby sister but still, that was before the BP. God I don't know. I wanted kids at one time but I've been cycling so bad lately from stress so imagine the toll that taking care of a child would do. My bf and I were talking about this last night and he said "you take your seroquel and pass out and put cigarette burns in things. You can't take care of a baby at night. You'd never sleep." And he's right. I can't even hold down a job so how can I take care of another human being?

I'm about to just throw my hands up and welcome the lonely life. My dad won't have grandkids, and I do feel bad for that. But I just don't think I'm cut out for my own family. I've always been a loner and did my own thing.

[JustJace2u]

I'm sorry you're feeling that way, but I know exactly how you feel. For the longest time I kept trying to convince myself that being alone was ok, but recently it has started to make me a little sad.

[unaluna]

Im turning 65 in february. I'M going to die alone a lot sooner than you!!

Seriously, anything can happen in the next 5 years. You never know. But you'll be 35, and i'll be 70. You COULD be a new mom then. I might be roller skating on the moon, so to speak!

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. Boy i wish i understood that for reals then.

[Victoria'smom]

If you don't want kids that's perfectly valid whether you have BP or not. Maybe become a "big sister" if you really want to. It doesn't mean you'll die alone.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Yea I just can't imagine quitting my meds. I've never been unmedicated and sober at the same time. I always self medicated when I didn't have my meds. I imagine me being pregnant in IP somewhere lol. That would suck. Yea but maybe down the road. Studies show that my generation is getting married and having kids later in life. I can't imagine living in the days when a woman is expected to marry by 22. Oh god.

[Moreta]

I'm married and I don't want kids and my husband is fine with that. I tried and ended up in the psych ward because I came off most of my meds. I'm never trying that again. It's totally not worth it for me.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by Moreta

I'm married and I don't want kids and my husband is fine with that. I tried and ended up in the psych ward because I came off most of my meds. I'm never trying that again. It's totally not worth it for me.

Right that's what I'm afraid of. Me with no meds is very bad.

[venusss]

Gurrrrl, you are overthinking it. And catastrophizing a big time.

And there are probably meds you can take when pregs, if that is the issue.

I know several people who can't hold down traditional jobs but were wonderful parents. You can't do it alone....you need support.

It's VERY okay if you decide not to have them. Studies do show that having children does not increase happiness in people. It does create bigger SPIKES of happiness but people without children on average are happier in the long run typically.

My friend once asked me a question and I felt it was a very good one. Which do you feel you will regret more? Having children and possibly not being able or not having a child? I've already had a child so I kinda know what I'm in for and would say that for me I didn't know for sure if I would be a good mother but I knew that without having kids my regrets later in life would be too enormous to bare. Your answer may vary.

People of all different types have been having kids for ages. Nobody (and don't let anyone lie and say otherwise) has ever been a perfect parent. It doesn't exist. If you choose to do it will you make mistakes? Bet your behind you will. But you sound like a caring person and as long as you have a strong support system with mental health team onboard, I have faith you will do fine. You need support lined up. Someone to even stay with you for a few weeks after you have the baby to make sure you get sleep.

Being a parent takes patience and understanding and money....lots and lots of money unfortunately. But there are places to make it affordable and ways to get things you will need cheap. When people begin thinking about getting a pet I always warn them to consider vet bills. Pets aren't always healthy and that can be expensive and some people are not cut out to take care of sick pets. The same goes for children....sometimes they are born sick no matter how well you take care of yourself....and not everyone has what it takes to take care of sick children. Something to consider. ((((Hugs))))

Like others have mentioned, there are meds you can take while pregnant. I am very fortunate and was able to take what I feel is the safest route and did not use medication while pregnant. If I were to become pregnant in the future, I would make the same decision. I might end up IP for months but I would personally prefer that to taking the drugs. I'm paranoid about medications much worse than most people so I'd even choose 9 months of being strapped down in a hospital bed. But MANY people have taken meds while pregnant with NO side effects and delivered healthy thriving and lovely babies.

[~Christina]

I agree with Unaluna and Venuss.

My daughter has Bipolar 1 she has decided she does not want to have a child and that was before her Bipolar diagnosis. Maybe she will change her mind , she's just 25

It's hard to see the light when your swirling in the dark.

" Try" not to overthink this stuff right now. As for your boyfriends comments ..... That's straight up mean and rude. MAYBE he isn't the right for you. Just because we have Bipolar doesn't mean we have to settle..

((( big hugs)))

[Rabbity9]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with not having kids. More and more people are making that choice these days, and every reason is legitimate. Kids are a huge, lifelong, major commitment, and you shouldn't have them because you feel like you "have to" or because relatives are pressuring you. It's your life and your body!

[TishaBuv]

If you had a stable, supportive partner, you'd do just fine having children. It sounds like you do want them, but are terrified. You'd be surprised how maternal instincts kick in. I didn't know anything about having babies until I did it.

Of course if you choose not to, that's perfectly fine, too.

I think you're a person who draws people to you. So, as for dying alone, nah, you won't.

[gina_re]

Do you have siblings? I don't think I want kids either, but being an aunt is awesome! I get the have all the fun and send them back to their parents for all the stuff I don't want to do.

[Tucson]

Do not rule out children. Look at your options. Your situation may change in the future. I have not dated for close to twenty years due to my life situation. But there will be the future. I understand that you may be running out of time to have kids. IMO you still need to take this one step at a time: mental stability, financial stability, meet someone special, decide with them on whether to have children, and then get married. JMO

[Wild Coyote]

I find it helpful to take one step at a time.

DH and I had decided early on we would have no children of our own; yet, we would "foster" and/or adopt children already here and in need of Love. We did just that. It was just right for us.

We were also heavily into the training of Service Animals, as well as strategizing for changing laws for greater accommodation of both Service and companion animals in rental housing. This was a major undertaking.

Follow your Heart.


WC

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I find it helpful to take one step at a time.


DH and I had decided early on we would have no children of our own; yet, we would "foster" and/or adopt children already here and in need of Love. We did just that. It was just right for us.


We were also heavily into the training of Service Animals, as well as strategizing for changing laws for greater accommodation of both Service and companion animals in rental housing. This was a major undertaking.


Follow your Heart.




WC

That sounds like something I'd want. My dream was always to buy a big ranch and adopt abused retired greyhounds. I've always had a huge passion for animals but I don't know... I never pictured myself having kids. Hell, I didn't even think I'd live past 25 so with that mindset, I didn't even think about the future I'm facing now.

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I find it helpful to take one step at a time.

DH and I had decided early on we would have no children of our own; yet, we would "foster" and/or adopt children already here and in need of Love. We did just that. It was just right for us.

We were also heavily into the training of Service Animals, as well as strategizing for changing laws for greater accommodation of both Service and companion animals in rental housing. This was a major undertaking.

Follow your Heart.


WC

You are such a wonderful person. Those are such wonderful and compassionate undertakings. My husband and I really want to be foster parents once my oldest son moves out and we have a free bedroom. I worry my bipolar will keep it from happening which is a shame because I believe we have so many positive things to offer. (((Hugs and thanks for all you do)))

[bizi]

This has been a rough year for you.
Be proud of yourself.
This is hard work that you are doing.
You are worthy of this effort.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by bizi

This has been a rough year for you.
Be proud of yourself.
This is hard work that you are doing.
You are worthy of this effort.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Thank you. Yes it has been a hard year with a lot of cycling. Probably it's worst. I think that's what triggered the fear of having kids and giving up meds for 9 months. Maybe someday. Just not now. I'll be happy to put 2016 to rest. And putting my 20's to rest. It's bitter sweet. A lot of us had a stressful year it seems.

[bizi]

I don't think there are any age limits to adopting.....
My hubby and I don't have children, our choice.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[Brophy]

Concerning your initial statement I think there are some deeper questions that aren't being answered or addressed.

1. I don't mean to be a bummer, but for the most part everybody dies alone. What mean by saying this is that in the sense of individual consciousness each person dies alone; regardless of physical location, or if they're surrounded by loved ones or if it's a complete accident like an automotive wreck.

2. The kid thing. I think that is a personal choice that many people who don't have mental illness struggle with. I don't have a partner currently, but I talk about with close friends from time to time and I'm not sure that I want to have kids, at least a child of my own. Yes, the alternatives are tougher for people with mental illness but if you have a strong desire to procreate then the best thing you can do is to make that one of your core values, that you want to start a family. Live by that, and if your current boyfriend or any future partners don't agree with that value then maybe it's worth reevaluating that relationship.

[luvyrself]

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

I'll be turning 30 in may and I'm thinking so much about everything including having my own family. Is it bad that I don't think I want kids? I can't risk being taken off meds. That scares me so bad. I absolutely cannot sleep without seroquel. And even if I stayed on meds while pregnant, what if it harmed the baby? I'd never forgive myself. And ok... if I had a kid with someone and we split, that guy will tell a judge I'm crazy and he'll take my child. Omg I can't imagine. I just don't think I'm cut out for it. I have pets and that's good enough. They're so therapeutic to me like service animals. Maybe I'm being hard on myself. When I was 10 I had to take care of my baby sister but still, that was before the BP. God I don't know. I wanted kids at one time but I've been cycling so bad lately from stress so imagine the toll that taking care of a child would do. My bf and I were talking about this last night and he said "you take your seroquel and pass out and put cigarette burns in things. You can't take care of a baby at night. You'd never sleep." And he's right. I can't even hold down a job so how can I take care of another human being?

I'm about to just throw my hands up and welcome the lonely life. My dad won't have grandkids, and I do feel bad for that. But I just don't think I'm cut out for my own family. I've always been a loner and did my own thing.

---response. The hormonal changes from Pregnancy and childbirth can wreak havoce with a bipolr person, and not just short term. Post partum depression knocks many women off kilter long term. I had my first breakdown about a year after my son was born. If you really want a child youll find a way to do it, but i wonder if i would have chosen to have my son if i had known all that would follow. For one thing he and my ex make no effort to understand bipolar. I love my two grandsons hugely, but what if one of them inherits this? They would all resent me for that. But i will know how to hwlp them.
You can have a great life without kids. The most important thing--do not have a child unless the father is a totally solid co parent willing to share all responsibilities no matter what happens.
Luckily, after many years of resenting me for all the drama, after i helped him get a decent house for his two kids, my son is really trying to help me when i need another adult to back me up. He is almost 30, so it's about time we both grew up! Hugs!

[luvyrself]

Originally Posted by venusss

Gurrrrl, you are overthinking it. And catastrophizing a big time.

And there are probably meds you can take when pregs, if that is the issue.

-----Adoption can be a great thing. And who would have more empathy with a special needs child than one of us!

Is it possible to adopt when bipolar?