I don't get "happy" mania

I often question my DX because although I fit every symptom of depression and get hypo at times, my mania doesn't fit the criteria it seems. I do get dysphoric when mixed. Everything I read makes mania sound euphoric and spontaneous and sometimes fun. I do not get like that. When I'm mixed/manic, I don't sleep and I become very sensitive to sound. I also hear things. The biggest symptom is uncontrollable anger or dysphoria. I'll start fights over crazy stupid stuff, tell people off without hesitation, drive recklessly beeping my horn in anger. I have to stay in my room when I get like this to keep me from screaming at people. And I do impulse shopping whether I'm sick or stable. But I don't get up and clean or any of that "typical" stuff. If anything I wallow in my home by myself hating life. But my depression is different. I sleep a lot and lose interest in everything l.

There was a manic phase when I was 18. I stayed up for days then had the wonderful idea to sign up for beauty school. Ugh. That was when I was DX'ed.

So am I still BP even though I don't have the same mania as the typical BP? Wishful thinking? Lol.

I enjoy Hypo but it turns very quick.

I don't get the happy rainbow bunnies , puppies and kittens I get the " the world is too loud ! " I'm agitated, annoyed and I have pretty much no patience at all , none.

I questioned my DX (which I need to change in my sig) for awhile because they insist I have BPII rather than MDD as previously thought, but my hypomania isn't your typical happy happy. I assumed they were wrong, until I discovered it's pretty common for mania and hypomania to not be that happy happy euphoria on top of the world feeling. It's not the one-sided "up" like I thought. I suppose there are layers. Maybe that spectrum idea isn't so far-fetched.

Yes. Exactly. When I'm mixed or manic I grow horns and a tail. Like people need to stay FAR away from me!! And if someone triggers my temper, they're in for a world of hurt. I get ruthless and a sharp toungue

I had one time (recently actually) where I was happy, didn't think I was manic, but all the signs said I was. my life was coming apart but I felt fine. but other than that one instance my mania is typically dysphoric like you said yours are. and I've got the hair trigger temper too. if you cross me or hurt me you get what I call "the wrath".

Most of my mania is also dysphoric and angry. Right now I'm having a mixed episode and experiencing rage and hallucinations. I get ridiculously mad over nothing.

I have lost practically all of my biological family telling them a few home truths that I repress when on meds. We all repress our emotions on meds!

As soon as I stop taking them (mood stabilisers) then all hell lets loose. I enjoy it at the time though. It's great getting it off your chest. However, once the Mental Health (or should I say Mental Wealth?) get a hold of me and force feed me antipsychotics I crash to the other end of the scale and can't get up for months on end. This is where I am now!

My last episode was in April this year and I am still trying to get my foot onto the first rung of the ladder.

I have picked myself up so many times before, but really, I don't know how much more of this I can take. You see! I REALLY don't want to continue with life on meds. It wouldn't be so bad if there was a medication that would work for me, however, after decades of various meds I am no further forward.

Sending you a hug x

I almost never feel good manic and if I do it is extremely brief. I have learned to manage the anger but mania is absolutely miserable.

My pdoc told me once that mixed episodes (which is where I inevitably land) is the hardest thing she watches people go through (with a large number of her patients being hard to treat bipolar patients). I believe it.

Well I'm glad I'm not alone. What made me come to this concern is the quizzes on PC's home page. All the BP ones were aiming towards high energy, talking fast, excitement. I don't get that way. So it confuses me.

Did you before meds? I guess I wasn't understanding you completely; I do get high energy, rapid speech, etc. but it does not feel good.

Do I remember right that you have BPD also? It seems that could affect your experience of bipolar and make it somewhat different.

Yes I had mania a few times as a kid, before my DX. I would stay up for days and listen to music in my room. Sometimes drink. And yea i also have BPD. Sometimes I don't know where the BPD ends and the BP begins. I've been DX'ed for 14 years and just now wondering about this. Ugh. Procrastination, another issue of mine lol

I was said to have some BPD traits as well. but BP and BPD have a lot of symptoms that overlap. before I got my neuropsych done I had always thought I had some BPD traits too, that just confirmed it. but if you look at both of them in the dsm they really are quite similar, at least in the types of behaviors one exhibits.

I do, then it turns into hypersensitivity to stimuli, irritability, and paranoia.

I get very happy euphoric mania with delusions of grandeur and I still question my DX. I used to really question it since most people on psych sites said they didn't get happy mania. The reality just is that we all present differently and euphoric mania is definitely not something everyone gets as can be easily noticed from this thread. I get very happy and then it's like I get knocked down off a mountain and belly flop into the pits of hell. Then I'm so embarrassed for everything I did while happy, thought and just pissed as hell because nothing I was even happy about seems real. Happy mania does feel unbelievable but the come down is beyond belief also.

For what it's worth I used to almost only experience dysphoric mania so due to PTSD and BPD was not recognised as BP which led to bad treatment options. I am glad you have the right diagnosis and hope the treatment will be more beneficial to you in the future. No euphoria feels like one big rip off to me. Only a couple of times have I had it and it was AMAZING but that was from my perspective, think i was a lot to handle so hospitalised. Looking back I did make a fool of myself so there is that negative. So happy-fluffy-bunnies mania rocks but can be harmful. Still I'd take it over dysphoric mania any day, hands down. 99% of my mixed states/mania's are of the dark variety and it is hell on earth for all involved.

I currently mentally working on a way to switch on harmless euphoria without having any negative effects like following deep depression and embarrassment over what i have done. Think it will take a while to perfect.

I think as far as the "elevated" mood goes it represents as happy / irritable / impatient / angry....

I'm rarely the happy hypo I'm normally the crabby irritable one. Although I dare say at the moment I've been feel-good hypo ....

When I was first dx'ed bp at 18 I laughed in the doctor's face because I didn't believe it. I was never happy, therefore could not have bipolar. I didn't know about mixed states at the time and didn't realize I had them frequently. In fact I went right on denying it for the next six years. It wasn't until I had my first euphoric mania that I finally believed it. But when I'm unstable I spend 90% of my time depressed or mixed, with only three or four days of euphoria at a time.