[CloserToTheMid]

Hey guys,

Before treatment, my biggest problem was hypersexuality. I'm married, and my wife and I have never had a good sex life...infrequent and pretty tame. When I went full on manic I slept with a bunch of women. She found out, I told her I wanted a divorce and walked out and lived a manic, drunk, sex-crazed life into I got pneumonia. I leveled out. She'd figured out what I was. In sickness and in health and she took me back with the condition that I do everything I can do to stay well and that I stay away from women I don't have to be connected to. I pretty much shut down sexually...maybe out of guilt. I don't hardly any care anymore. I take care of myself every few days. It's just simpler. Sex is so complicated with us.

Ideas?

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I would suggest talking to her. A serious, long talk. Your sex life was never good? I don't think I could marry someone if we didn't click in the bed. That's a huge part of a relationship. No it's not everything in a relationship, but a huge part, yes. Have you guys ever had a talk about what the other person likes in bed? Or ask each other what you can do differently to please the other? I don't know, maybe I'm just too open about it. But I don't think I'm more open than the next person really. You guys need to learn to be 100% close and open with another. My bf is my best friend. I have to have it that way or else I couldn't be with that person. I have to be able to say what I'm feeling at all times. But who knows, maybe that's just me. Maybe marriage counseling would do you guys some good. Especially given your history.

[Crazy Hitch]

Hey sorry to hear of your struggles. Hyper sexuality is a problem when I'm manic too. That increased libido is insane. There are times I could have crossed the line; but didn't. Congrats to you for turning this around and ending it with the women.

[Artchic528]

I'm always switching between wanting to bed the next man to walk into my life, to "meh...", and back again. Right now I think I'm in between the "meh..." and "sex crazed mad woman" phases. Thank Gaia I've never slept around with random strangers. That can be a one way ticket to STDville really quickly. Not that I'm trying to shame anyone who has, mind you, just that doing this often brings out a more careless side in those who have Bipolar, often to get sexual highs from the thrill of the risk.

Anyways, I'm sending you healing vibes as you transition from the ending of your wilder days to trying to salvage your marriage. It's honorable that your trying, and I admire that of you.

I'm not sure of what advise to give that you probably haven't already thought of on your own. I'm sorry you are going through this.

What does your mind and heart tell you?

[Ocean Swimmer]

I can relate.
It's a trade off for me. Companionship.stability. Someone to grow old with.
I envy people who have a. Rewarding sex life.
Could you try sensual massage. Reading sexy stories to each other or showering together.
The idea being intimate relationship without the sex at first.

[CloserToTheMid]

It's so flipping complicated, or it at least it seems like it is. I was brought up in a pretty strict Christian household. Father was a preacher. No sex before marriage. My wife was very experienced by the time we got engaged...23 years ago, fyi. We waited until we got engaged. I had such mixed feelings about that I eventually turned it down which made her feel so bad about it and herself. A rocky start eventually became a rocky ride.

When bipolar really hit in my late 30s and I became hypersexual, things really heated up in the bedroom. Women were really responding to my sexual energy...sounds kind of lame, but it's true. Then the affairs. Women on business trips, women from twitter, women around town, women from work. Unprotected sex. Public places. Not consciously, I had sex with exactly the same number of partners that my wife had before me. I always felt intimidated and jealous of those guys.

Now, very medicated and just so flipping tired of the complications I've given up trying. I'm hopeful, though, that when the kids move out we'll get it together.

When we have it, it's hot for a little while but I have trouble climaxing which is fine with me, but it really bothers her. Yeah, counseling is what really needs to happen. Oy veh!

Counseling sounds like a great idea. It sounds like you really have some unresolved issues about your wives previous experience. Do you feel you've gotten that part out of your system?

[CloserToTheMid]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

Counseling sounds like a great idea. It sounds like you really have some unresolved issues about your wives previous experience. Do you feel you've gotten that part out of your system?

When I Rev up, I still struggle with women a little bit. No affairs. I just get a little tiny bit wolfish. The wrong place, the wrong time, with the wrong woman could be a problem. I'm pretty starved. Sex once in the last 2 years.

[wiretwister]

well not to go too deep but you have a way yet to reach my dry spell of 4 years ... she has no issues ... or if she does she will not express it .... every other aspect of our marriage is fine ... but just no interest or passion in my life at all .... I just love my meds ... maybe moods can be too stable .... lol

[Ocean Swimmer]

I guess I'm not aloud in the no sex life boat.
Maybe we should hook up with each other. Ha ha.

[CloserToTheMid]

Originally Posted by wiretwister

well not to go too deep but you have a way yet to reach my dry spell of 4 years ... she has no issues ... or if she does she will not express it .... every other aspect of our marriage is fine ... but just no interest or passion in my life at all .... I just love my meds ... maybe moods can be too stable .... lol

Congratulations! You when the booby prize...or lack there of. Yed, my marriage is otherwise wonderful. We are intimate in every possible way but sex.

[CloserToTheMid]

Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer

I guess I'm not aloud in the no sex life boat.
Maybe we should hook up with each other. Ha ha.

Uh oh. Here's trouble! Lol.

Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer

I guess I'm not aloud in the no sex life boat.
Maybe we should hook up with each other. Ha ha.

This made me giggle so much!!! Thanks for this

In more serious news, I hope you do get some sexual healing soon. Let's all sing Sexual Healing together.

[CloserToTheMid]

Part of this is inconvenience. Squeaky bed, thin walls. We sometimes do it in a hotel on a weekend away. Our new house will have a new mattress on more privacy.

Another issue is that she take's it as criticism when say what I like. Her only experience before me was horny teenagerd who require no skill at all. She can't understand why it would be different with a 43 yo man.

[Moose72]

My sex problem is my partner is just a friend with benefits. Awesome sex but don't know how long it will last.

[CloserToTheMid]

Originally Posted by Moose72

My sex problem is my partner is just a friend with benefits. Awesome sex but don't know how long it will last.

Hmmm...that doesn't seem like it has to be a problem unless of course you want more. I've never had an f-buddy because I've been married since I was 21.