[Ocean Swimmer]

I'm as low as ever but it's not the crippling depression I've suffered in the past.
On Effexor for 1 1/2 yrs. wasn't really making anything better.
I've been in this weird slump since the bunch of ECT 2 yrs ago.
I used to listen to motivation CDs, but I have no desire to hear the rah-rah.
The guilt is a hard part to deal with.
My current excuse to myself is I'm nursing the kitten after her spay surgery. That was the second time I left the house in 6 weeks.
I'm even having trouble going swimming.
It's going to be till late Jan till I can see Pdoc for new meds.
Does this happen to you after an episode?
My last few ips were for mixed state and black mania 2 yrs ago.

[Moose72]

What's a black mania?

I haven't been depressed in quite a while. Maybe last year in the spring the hospital said I was.

[hopeless2015]

I go through this one or two days a month and I always beat myself up for it. Somehow I only let myself have one day at a time, I think I'm afraid I'll end up ip again if I let it go beyond that

[gina_re]

My current anxiety has kept me in my house as well. I feel ya.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Black mania is what my support group calls depression fueled by mania.
Trigger.
In my case Leeds to attempted suicide.
Now I'm just lower than a snakes belly.
Had a bit of high anxiety at 1 am.
My big cat got in my bedroom and attacked the kitten. I screamed and the big cat busted thru the screen. Now I have to keep the window closed.
I had a few drinks to calm down. I hadn't had any liquor for 3 months ( except on the plane) but bought some when the kitten had surgery.
She is a doll. Don't know if I can keep her safe from my big cat.
Thanks for the reply.
One day at a time is a great plan. I shouldn't assume this state will be forever.
One thing about bipolar. Your mood will change. Ha ha

I have a few ideas; all I learnt from CBT.

Set yourself small incremental goals - and ensure you reward yourself for attaining them. Deconstruct any catastrophic thinking that might be happening (this can be done by listing out worst case Vs likely case scenarios Vs best case scenarios and considering the realistic outcomes).

Make a toolbox of coping skills for anxiety. A personal favourite is a bean bag 'weight' I rest on my shoulder which is comforting for me. You may find a smell to be reassuring or perhaps something tactile like a small stone to rub between your fingers.

[luvyrself]

Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer

Black mania is what my support group calls depression fueled by mania.
Trigger. In my case Leeds to attempted suicide.
Now I'm just lower than a snakes belly.
Had a bit of high anxiety at 1 am.
My big cat got in my bedroom and attacked the kitten. I screamed and the big cat busted thru the screen. Now I have to keep the window closed.
I had a few drinks to calm down. I hadn't had any liquor for 3 months ( except on the plane) but bought some when the kitten had surgery.
She is a doll. Don't know if I can keep her safe from my big cat.
Thanks for the reply.
One day at a time is a great plan. I shouldn't assume this state will be forever.
One thing about bipolar. Your mood will change. Ha ha

------are your felines fixed and well fed? Could you ask a vets advice. I consider all pets service animals for us so you need an assist w your kitties. Hugs!

(((Hugs)))

Years ago I spent a month locked in my room. I thought I hit rock bottom and it couldn't get any worse. About a year ago I spent 90% of my life in bed, in pain and depressed. The 10% of the time I wasn't in my room I was doing crazy stuff I prefer not to talk about. So I was in my bed pretty much for a year straight. This year I've managed to get out of my room 90% of the time so that is an improvement. I'm getting out and going to Appointments and working hard on getting well and trusting doctors. I've stopped doing the stupid stuff and hope I don't go back to it.

So I want you to know I understand. I make small goals and build on them. I'm making a lot of progress but it's slow. My husband says I have a lot to be proud of.....but I have a long way to go.

((((Hugs and I hope you beat this soon))). Pm me anytime. I've battled bad agoraphobia since age 15 on and off.

[Ocean Swimmer]

Yes. The first kitty I adopted after fostering her and her kittens. She's spayed and 6 yrs old, but was semi feral at first. She's been a great help to me and is very protective.
The 26th kitten I've fostered is Silky. I rescued her and she had her spay surgery this past Sunday. I've been keeping her in my room to heal so she doesn't have to be lonesome and stay in the kitty apartment.
I'd like to adopt her. She plays all day and has helped my mood. I read up on scent transfers and some techniques, but nothing is working. My regular cat acts like she wants to kill the little one. I've asked the foundation to find a new foster home for her. I met some of the fostermoms at the hospital, but all are fostering dogs and Silky is afraid of dogs. Plus each have 5-8 kittys in foster too.
Thanks for the cbt advice. I do cook for myself. Took a shower yesterday. My guy is coming Monday so my goal is to swim in the ocean for an hour. Tuesday too.
Yes. Animals are great therapy. I've even considered getting my cat certified so she can travel from Costa Rica to California with me and be on the plane.