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#1
Dec 06, 2016, 07:06 PM
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Hey all. I'm going to be taking a semi-break for a bit.
Traditionally, I get sui this time of year. (Not on account of holidays.) To top off, 2 weeks from today is my SSDI hearing. It's been over 3 years in process. (I don't talk about it or read threads because it is very triggering.) I don't do holidays anymore. Even basic life maintenance is a struggle, so holidays are a no-go. Simply can't relate to shopping, having holiday obligations, etc.. We don't have tv or listen to radio or even hardly go out at all, so the commercial innundation scarcely exists for us. It's another ******* circle around the sun. More getting older, falling apart, and getting sucked down an economic vortex. The hearing is essentially life or death. I'd like to think that I'll finally be heard, but all I feel is despair. It's not depression talking, just plain facts. It's bleak. Not being able to relate to the rest of society is at all time high. Like being somewhere not being able to speak the language or understand anything, or convey what I'm going through. I'm terrified. (I have a T appt on the afternoon of the hearing day. A tether to spinning out? We'll see.) Which is all to say that my head is just not in the game. Brain's scrambly. It could get really ugly. Meanwhile, I'm not much use to anyone. So I'll peek in a bit, but don't foresee participating much. Consider me benched. I'll still be rooting for you all though. Sorry. |
 Anonymous48850, BeyondtheRainbow, BipolaRNurse, bizi, kindachaotic, Moose72, Nammu, raspberrytorte, Skeezyks, still_crazy, Takeshi, unaluna, Unrigged64072835, Wander, Wanderlust90, Wild Coyote, wildflowerchild25, wiretwister, xRavenx
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 bizi, Takeshi
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#2
Dec 06, 2016, 08:40 PM
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IZ ((((( hugs ))))))
I'm so sorry you're having this ********t swirling around in your head, I get it I really do. I'm always around if you need to vent rant and rage, or a shoulder. Please be good to yourself 
__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
| Anonymous45023, Wild Coyote
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#3
Dec 06, 2016, 09:10 PM
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Sending lots of
 your way.
__________________
Dx: BP2 and MDD Current meds: 100mg Wellbutrin; 200mg Lamictal; 400mg Seroquel at night; Xanax 1mg/PRN; 100mg/PRN Trazodone at night for insomnia Diagnosed in May 2016 |
| Wild Coyote
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#4
Dec 06, 2016, 09:33 PM
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HUGS to you
__________________
Current Meds Lamictal 200 mg x2 Seroquel 100 mg |
| Wild Coyote
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#5
Dec 06, 2016, 09:59 PM
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Hugs, innerzone.
I'm too having a hard time right now. Hopefully things get better for us.
__________________
The darkest of nights is followed by the brightest of days. 😊 - anonymous The night belongs to you. 🌙- sleep token "What if I can't get up and stand tall, What if the diamond days are all gone, and Who will I be when the Empire falls? Wake up alone and I'll be forgotten." 😢 - sleep token |
| Anonymous45023, Wild Coyote
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#6
Dec 07, 2016, 01:41 AM
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(((((INNERZONE))))) I'm only a PM away if you need me.
__________________
DX: Bipolar 1 Anxiety Tardive dyskinesia Mild cognitive impairment RX: Celexa 20 mg Gabapentin 1200 mg Geodon 40 mg AM, 60 mg PM Klonopin 0.5 mg PRN Lamictal 500 mg Levothyroxine 125 mcg (rx'd for depression) Trazodone 150 mg Zyprexa 7.5 mg Please come visit me @ http://bpnurse.com |
| Wild Coyote
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#7
Dec 07, 2016, 04:06 AM
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 (((((( Innerzone )))))) I am sorry for your pain.  I can relate to every word you.ve written. In fact, your post is a close description of how I feel, too. WC |
| Anonymous45023
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#8
Dec 08, 2016, 06:08 PM
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Thanks, guys.
I'm having such a struggle to not be paranoid. In so many ways. It's like people are playing games and messing with my head and either don't care or are purposely ******* with me. And I don't know why. They know I'm going down in flames. And so what? Their lives will just go on just the same. (This is about IRL stuff regarding the hearing.) I feel like an idiot believing anyone in this. What people say, and what they do (or rather, don't.. when will I learn?) I don't know why I bother at all. Seems like crawling under a rock would be as effective. Sorry. |
| Nammu, Takeshi, Wild Coyote
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#9
Dec 08, 2016, 07:45 PM
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((((((((( innerzone)))))
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| Wild Coyote
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#10
Dec 08, 2016, 08:06 PM
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(((((Innerzone)))))
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| Wild Coyote
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#11
Dec 08, 2016, 11:00 PM
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__________________
Qui Cantat Bis Orat ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 3 mg Gabapentin 300 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily Mania Sept/Oct 2024 Mania (July/August 2024) Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) |
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#12
Dec 08, 2016, 11:15 PM
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(((((((HUGS))))))
bizi
__________________
lamictal 2x a day haldol 2x a day cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, fish oil coq10 multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine Remeron at night, zyprexa, requip2-4mg |
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#13
Dec 08, 2016, 11:26 PM
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((((((((((( IZ )))))))))
__________________
Helping others gets me out of my own head ~ |
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#14
Dec 09, 2016, 01:25 AM
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Thinking of you and sending hugs
__________________
Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD  "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
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#15
Dec 09, 2016, 01:33 AM
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Okay playa, please consider yourself benched. I don't know where this came from, I'm posting this 'cuz I want you to do your best at the SSDI hearing.
“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” This Monroe's quote don't mean nothing to me except the line that saids "... to trust no one but yourself...". Being an alien freak may be the only option, robo talker/thinker wouldn't understand things the way some of us do. Some of things you said like "crawling under a rock" or "feeling that you're no use to anyone", these are not fact-ish, it is only plausible to trust few things in life, going against the system, the best attitude might be to try to sneak in, I don't mean to confuse you but lies are all around us and I refuse to be flipping out about these sort of things. You're still gonna need to prep for the game two weeks from now. Practice balls and hoops, don't go offence dunk on yourself at this point please, review things real quick if you have to, don't get shook or it'll show. Doubts, cowardice, these can be a big hindrance to your performance, psych yourself up. The mixed state of your mind, the knowable is almost the only thing you can count on. 
Last edited by Takeshi; Dec 09, 2016 at 01:47 AM. Reason: cksum IZ; nice -20 tar cvf large_file.tar largefile |
| Wild Coyote
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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