Recovery Time

Finally on solid ground after about 6 weeks (plus lead up time) of being more unwell than I ever have; terrifying, madness that brought me close to death. Now I feel stable, I feel exhausted and teary. This ride has been almost more that I, or my parents, could bear. My mother got so stressed she had a serious blood-pressure emergency and was prescribed her first Benzo in all her 66 years. I feel so guilty but it was out of my control. The only real harm done is having my parents see me so unwell - it is embarrassing. My behaviour was bazaar, obsessive and delusional.

Now I am close to stable I can see things so clearly and I weep over so many things. It just hurts. I have had to recover from some pretty serious episodes before so I know it will take time, and that I will be ok. However, this is going to be the toughest I have ever done so I am not sure how gently to proceed. Things like, when do I go back to work? Do I ask to reduce my weekly hours to reduce stress on me. I could scape by on a lower wage as I get some disability. I don't want to EVER be that ill again and I think I need to live life at a slower pace to allow for studies next year.

After a severe manic, even psychotic episode how do you put the pieces of your mind back together? How do you recover and not break again?

Sigh...I feel so deeply broken. Yet, there is hope with Lenard Cohan's Anthem;

'Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.'

I know how you feel about your parents, although my parents live far away. I hated when my mom was here last weekend after I was discharged from the hospital because I was ashamed and embarrassed by it all. Glad to hear you're becoming more stable.

... Tigger

I'm sorry you went through this.

I'm glad you are starting to feel better. You've really had a rough time.

oh wander this has been such a hard year for you.
I am glad that you are having some stability.
I am hopeful for you that this mix of meds will help you maintain so level of sanity. I think part time work is fine, ease into it if you can. Don't know what type of work you do, though so really can't say.
I guess you know best.
look at a budget.
bizi
(((((HUGS))))))

Thanks Bizi. Really hoping the meds are the right ones too. Hopefully see my pdoc today and can discuss discharge and meds then. Not sure what his plans are.

Contacted work and I will call early January and sort out a schedule then. My job is secure thank god. I work in the printing, copying and photography department of a Office Supply chain. They are happy covering me another month which is a relief.

I have a budget but with so little coming in it is difficult to overspend yet planning is key. Due to goo budgeting I do have some savings (which I save for emergencies like now when a chunk of my income stops), and a disability income to support. Have a few things around the house I need/want. Might freshen up my flat when I go home and buy a few things like an IKEA chair to chill on in front of my large iMac screen. I am lucky, I don't have much but I have all I need.

It's good to hear you're feeling a lot better now. It sounds like you had a really tough time coping with all this, but you made It very far. Though I'm sorry to hear your mother struggled so much

I hope your work situation works out for you. It sounds like you have a really caring and understanding employer who wants to help you get back on your feet.

Just spoke to my pdoc and he is reducing Lithium to 1250mg and keeping me on Ritalin 30mg, Lorazepam and Abilify. He said I could wind back Abilify to 10mg PRN instead of regular so I won't have to take so many drugs when not needed. Been taking high doses of Lorazepam while IP so will be having to wind that back bit by bit. So basically my main meds are Lithium, Ritalin, Abilify and Lorazepam.

My diagnosis is severe mania and PTSD. He said it was so much more complicated than that (and OMG it so it, I may have to do a PTSD triggered Bipolar post to see if others have had this experience), he is just filling out insurance papers.

Finally, my doctor told me to focus my energies into my recovery and 'life'. That, I intend to do

BTW. Does anyone have an idea how long it takes to recover from a severe mania (PTSD) episode? Did the stability stick? Did you get depressed? Just curious. Trying to find my path.

Glad to hear things are turning around for you. You've sure had it rough. Give yourself time to recoup

Thank you so much. When I discharge Wed I will have been IP two days shy of 6 weeks so when you factor in the crazy weeks leading up to admission it was clearly a long stint. Time to recoup is definitely on the cards!

Take your time and be patient/kind with yourself. Big episodes take a while to recover from, but it's possible to move on.

I don't want to scare you, but after my last big psychotic/manic episode I crashed into depression that I cycled in and out of for the past 6-7 months. I might finally be crawling out of it with the help of a new medication. I hope this doesn't happen to you.

I had a bad manic episode in Sept 2012 where the police took me to IP twice in 72 hours. After stability, I was a depressed wreck with tons of anxiety for about a year. I found good balance and stability after about 18 months and have been in remission since Summer 2014.

It was rough at first. Hang in there.

moogs

The possibility of depression does scare me. Is there anything I can do to avoid it or is it inevitable? Hope this new med pulls you out.

So sorry you had to go through this. The mania then the depression. It is the severity of the mania I had for about 7-9 weeks that scares me. For the last week I have been stable, hoping I've dodged a bullet but most people's experience show depression following severe mania. this scares me as I am do drained already.

Heading home tomorrow after 40 days IP. Feeling ready but very fragile. Still only sleeping 3 hours a night. My pdoc and I agreed to give it 9 days till I see him next and hope my brain heals and sleep is naturally restored. I rather the low med approach. Still worried about depression coming on in response to the mania I experienced but my doctor and I agreed the best thing I can do is throw myself into life. Nervous but anyway, here I go.

Hang in there Wander!

We're rooting for you. For me, Bipolar stability only happens in Sobriety.

Good Luck!

moogs