[Unrigged64072835]

Went to church; it wad good. I have a good pastor. I asked him if I could volunteer and he said to call him this week. Also talked to the associate pastor.

Did a load of laundry and wrote a poem. Was hoping for some more inspiration but mind is not coming up with anything. Maybe need to read someone else's work. I've been reading these books that are supposed to help with creativity, but they're pretty airy and trying to remain positive on things.

Right now I'm sitting here with my cats. Will be making dinner here soon.

[Moose72]

My mom helped us transport a coffee table we got at Goodwill today and then stayed to clean out apartment with us! I feel better just having things clean.

This was after the most vivid visual hallucination I've ever had. She just disappeared when I looked down then back up in a fraction of a second. There was nowhere she could've gone. She'd been making mean faces- evil grins and such- the whole time too. Looking me right in the face across from me.

[xRavenx]

I didn't really sleep last night. I did not spend the night at home and forgot my medication, so that's probably why. Oddly enough though, I'm feeling pretty up and energized. I am not really tired. I even got out to see someone I haven't seen in a while to go out to eat. Hopefully, tomorrow will be okay too. It's a change from just a few days ago where my emotions were all over the place. I will definitely take my medication tonight though, and I'm glad to be home in my own bed.

[MobiusPsyche]

I'm tapering off Trileptal because my severe anhedonia seems to have coincided with the start of that med. Doing okay, slow taper, no withdrawal effects so far. Anhedonia is still with me though, hanging on like a bear. Except now I'm more upset/distressed by things than I used to be. Hoping the coping skills I've learned in the 18 months since I started Trileptal will carry me through. Sad tonight.

Sunday: Accomplished nothing and don't care.

I wonder if, at the end of my life, I will blame myself for all these wasted years, or if I will be able to remember that wasting them hadn't been a choice. I recently formally apologized to my wife for my mental illness, the various challenges of which she certainly did nothing to deserve. It was only later that I realized that I hadn't deserved them, either.

Take two grams of Depakote every night and don't care.

[ByMySide]

Sleep is evading me again tonight. I slept twelve hours yesterday. Not tonight, though. Oh no. Not when I have a busy work week ahead of me. Why can't I manage to get twelve hours of sleep then?

I had a few hours of feeling hopeful and bright. Now I'm back to numb. We'll see what the morning light brings. I honestly don't even know anymore.

[Wander]

Been busy with work, socialising and playing guitar. Last night I stayed over a friends house and only got about 2 hours sleep. Was just having a good time and didn't feel tired. I slept from 5am-7am. Couldn't sleep anymore so got up and got into my day. Today has been great. I have surfed the net, gone for a long snorkel and played with my new amplifier for a few hours, having it all set up to perform with mike stand and all. Years ago I did perform but illness took me away from music. Now I am getting back into it. Still quite rusty but improving every day. Tonight I will try and wind down and get a good sleep. Overall I am doing great, stable and content with life.

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Wander

Been busy with work, socialising and playing guitar. Last night I stayed over a friends house and only got about 2 hours sleep. Was just having a good time and didn't feel tired. I slept from 5am-7am. Couldn't sleep anymore so got up and got into my day. Today has been great. I have surfed the net, gone for a long snorkel and played with my new amplifier for a few hours, having it all set up to perform with mike stand and all. Years ago I did perform but illness took me away from music. Now I am getting back into it. Still quite rusty but improving every day. Tonight I will try and wind down and get a good sleep. Overall I am doing great, stable and content with life.

Wander this is so great to hear from you.
Not great that you only slept 2 hours.
The cat woke me up.
Some how the door must have been ajar.
It is way to early to be up. my alarm is set for 7am I think...i had better check that. I went to sleep at midnight. 4 hours is not enough for me.
Need to get back to bed. Drank 2 big glasses of water just now because I drank wine too much tonight and did not drink any water before going to bed. So am lucky I do not feel hung over.....
heading back to bed.
bizi

[rwwff]

Off to the doc again in a bit, first time ever getting blood drawn to check the level of a med. Dreary misty weather today, but I've felt comfortable the last few days, honestly haven't felt this at ease in several years. (eg... waiting was stupid!)

[LadyShadow]

8:24am another night with no sleep and I have work today. It's my first day. In a manic dizzy haze. My meds got upped but it made me depressed so I started taking half now I am manic and all over the place. My brain won't shut off. I am obsessed with things, with chatting and people. This desire to connect is overwhelming.

[ByMySide]

I slept about 6 hours. I woke up feeling fantastic this morning. I had plans forming in my head before I even opened my eyes.

[Moose72]

I saw Pdoc this morning. She reduced my zyprexa to 7.5 and increased my Rexulti to the max dose of 4.

[hopeless2015]

Think the bronchitis I had a couple weeks ago is back full force, have Dr appt at 4:30 today. Coughing my head off, I can hear myself wheezing and I get very short of breath. Uggg

[Unrigged64072835]

Hope you feel better, hopeless2015.

Went to T and did grocery shopping. Cleared out the large freezer to defrost. Wrote a poem. Tried to work on a program I have. Tried to nap-didn't happen. Anxiety was up again. Almost missed my afternoon meds. I need to figure this out. I won't see pdoc again until end of March.

[Nammu]

Coasting.....did get to the bank, grocery and drug store today....so outa the house, yay me!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by hopeless2015

Think the bronchitis I had a couple weeks ago is back full force, have Dr appt at 4:30 today. Coughing my head off, I can hear myself wheezing and I get very short of breath. Uggg

How did your doctor appointment go?

[hopeless2015]

Prescription for steroid, steroid inhaler, cough syrup with codeine, pharmacy can't fill cough syrup and inhaler until tomorrow. Chest x-rays tomorrow morning. Uggg

[Moose72]

Sounds like me lately. Chest x-rays twice. Up doses of two inhalers. Offer antibiotics but I refused.

[b1ghr0ll3r]

Ran out of valproate yesterday. Have the money and prescription but I just don't have the energy to get dressed & go to the pharmacy. Will pick it up tomorrow. It's also Valentine's Day & I'm spending it with my family because I don't have a partner (second year in a row) it's not as grim as it sounds tho. I'm about to have a muffin and a cup of tea

barely noticed it's valentines day.

passed like an average day for me

actually I think that valentines day is overrated, even if I had someone I don't think i'd dedicate a certain day of the year just to be with them (as it should be every day)

[hopeless2015]

Trying to get myself to shower, I need to go get this chest x-ray done (stupid bronchitis), then I need to go try and work the rest of the day

[Standup2me]

I keep thinking about what a great weekend I had. Hubby was not speaking to me, so I just did whatever I wanted all weekend.
I read, went for walks, had a nap on my comfy chair. It was fab!!

I've been coping with Seroquel hunger really well! Thanks to everyone who have given me wonderful suggestions!

Been chewing down on fruits and veggies to satisfy this intense hunger. lol. I've also been chugging protein shakes like nobody's business. It's the only way for me to force myself to eat healthy.

No noticeable weight gain or loss! Yeah!

[12AM]

I feel okay today. A part from having anxiety

The three surviving members of the family business (I, my wife and MIL, NNITO) met after Trump was elected to determine the course of the business going forward, given that the main executive of our core competency was nearing retirement and market demand for our services has been steadily declining for years. We narrowed down our options to orchid cultivation, traditional handmade Japanese paper fabrication and porn production. After a quick look at the numbers, everyone voted for porn production. We've since assembled a consortium including a San Francisco entertainment attorney, a team of psychiatrists from UH Medical School and a retired CIA psychological warfare officer. Most of our content won't be conspicuously branded, but look for the label Mindf ck. Expect us in your heads. We're going to manipulate human sexuality and lower world birthrates. We're going to alter the institution of sex. We're probably going to need more lawyers.