[Moose72]

My youngest son is playing the piano as I type.

I'm still in bed. Been here most of the day. Found out some bad medical news (see latest blog post or post about zyprexa here). But it's not insurmountable. I listened to one of my favorite recordings today. Patrick Husson singing Miserere. He's an adult who sings the high solo normally reserved for a boy.

[xRavenx]

I'm on the irritable side lately. I don't quite know what's going on with me. I get so lost in thought that sometimes it takes me a little while for me to really snap back to where I am. Waves of anger or tears come at random times...when I'm driving, at work, etc. My racing and intrusive thoughts distract me. I have a lot of plans I want to put into action, like trips. Sometimes friends will say they want to go, but then they run into financial issues.

I have offered to help them out, but I guess they feel funny taking my money and know my old patterns. I get really frustrated when I can't make things happen and get upset with myself and don't know what my friends are thinking about me. I feel I make a fool of myself. I am craving excitement in my life and have been trying to find it in all different ways.

[Unrigged64072835]

Had traction today and my back feels better. Wish the rest of me did.

I'm feeling kind of down. Don't want to tell my pdoc because she may put me back on the last AD I had, which was expensive and made me anxious. I'm still feeling that midday anxiety so that means the Artane isn't working either.

[bizi]

met with my new therapist yesterday. I liked her. paying out of pocket means I need to be disciplined and focused in my dealings with her.
bizi

[b1ghr0ll3r]

Feeling a bit irritated today it's veeeeeerry hot right now here in Sydney so I guess that isn't helping. Trying my best to stay positive & reassure myself that my life isn't entirely in the crapper even tho it feels like it is 🙄🙄🙄

[gina_re]

Worked an extra long day. I was trying to make up time for leaving work early on Tuesday since I wasn't feeling well, both physically and mentally. Still didn't get as much work done as I would've liked, but I tried. I get so distracted and can't keep a good pace and I second guess myself constantly. Well I guess my boss will let me know Monday when he's back in the office how much I suck and I'll let my pdoc know on Tuesday what's going on. And hopefully my new T works out as well. So it's going to be a lazy weekend except for a little grocery shopping. And I really need to get some vacuuming done!!

[Wander]

Bought a new amp for my guitars today. Just resting now after a busy day then I am going to play guitar and annoy my neighbours for a few hours. I'm a bit tired and sore from all the activity when I was hypo but my mood has stabilised which is good. i have two weeks till university starts again so I am going to try and catch up with as many people as possible then go into hermit mode. Just hoping I can manage the workload of pt study and work. Being too busy has pushed me into episodes in the past. Right now I feel hopeful about this year. I see my new pdoc in 11 days and can't wait to see if he is the right fit and wants to take me on.

My last pdoc is still spouting religion when we meet so I simply cannot continue seeing him long term. He has admitted this is a problem that causes me distress yet is still doing it...idk. I will see him two weeks after seeing the new pdoc hopefully to say goodbye. He just wants to check on me and make sure things are going well with the new one. He is a good guy, just cannot separate his beliefs from his profession which is unethical and untenable.

[ByMySide]

I got off work early, which is nice because my 8 HR shift turned into a 12 HR shift the day before and I was really tired. Came home and went to bed early, then woke up a few hours later to my hands hurting (yay arthritis on top of everything else) and found myself unable to fall back asleep. Melatonin results still pending. (My doctor ignored me altogether when I told her I was struggling w/staying asleep and kept waking up much too early. I don't know how I feel about this. Maybe it's time for a new doc?)

rough night

took a shower today and feel disgusting for it

had a bit of a tummy ache but it's going now

not sure i've much else to say

[pirilin]

Good morning.

[hopeless2015]

Just finishing up a cup of coffee and working on a grocery list. I hate grocery shopping but it's a must! At least it's Saturday and I don't have to work.

Seroquel XR food cravings are starting to kick in. I'm drinking water to combat the munchies!

No weight gain or loss so far.

I will not let Seroquel defeat me! Neverrr!

[Standup2me]

I need to vent, so here I go...and well, I have no where else to vent.
Hubby is a pouter. You know, one of those people who has little pouty fits?
He is also one of those people who always sees the negative. Like, if we won the lottery he would say "oh no, now people are going to start calling us asking for money" rather than thinking, "wow, we won the lottery".
Last night I got tired of the negativity (and I have a high threshold for it) and finally said, "can't you say one positive thing?", and he said "maybe I just won't talk at all"
Which is a blessing because he talks too much anyway, and the silence is good.
So now I have to deal with the big pouty baby all weekend.
I love him but at times I do not like him.
This weekend is one of those times

[Standup2me]

I read my cards this morning and drew the invocation card, which tells me to call to my spirit guides and ask them for guidance.
I think that I've lost touch with them and need to ask them back into my life.
I feel alone

[scatterbrained04]

Having a better day than I've had in a couple weeks. Took my son to the dentist and then McDonalds. Planning to read for awhile and then do some cleaning. Going to cook quesadillas for dinner, and then maybe pull out the sofa bed and watch movies with the kiddo.

Hoping the irritability and guilt stay away today. So done with how bipolar affects my ability to be a stable parent.

[Moose72]

Still fighting this nasty cold, but I think now its turned into a regular cold instead of a really bad cold. I got some cherry Halls today and that was refreshing. I keep telling myself that I need to go exercise but I'm sick and its cold. My bike is at my mom's. I'll have to just drive over there and get on once I'm better in a few days. Bikes are great for exercise! That's how I lost weight before. My youngest son is here with me. His dad isn't getting him until later. We dropped off my daughter at my grandma's church to meet her friend for the weekend/friend's birthday. She got her hearing aid batteries. Isn't that nice of her? (Her friend wears hearing aids.) Tonight, I'll go meet my friend at Starbucks and have tea. I don't think I'll make it to choir/church tomorrow, but its okay because my son will be there with his dad.

I seem to have a distinct "Whatever" Depakote dosage threshold at approximately 1800 mg, and I have exceeded it. It's very nice here. Whatever. If you have an open piece of wall 80 inches high and 100 inches wide, I could sell you something very nice to mount on it. Whatever.

[Gabyunbound]

I'm hitting the edge of my stress tolerance. Because of mudslides here in CA, I'm having 3-3.5 hour commutes to work and work itself has been very stressful lately. I'm at a point where I can't take it anymore. And I worry more and more about continuing on after my cat passes away as she is very ill. This has nothing to do with BP -unless those of us with BP have lower thresholds for stress tolerance. But I am very depressed and my anxiety is through the roof. I don't think meds will help except taking more klonopin for the anxiety. I think I've reached my limit and it's very scary. I can't face the world anymore.

I'm seriously considering taking Monday off from work. The guilt and shame are palpable already. But I'm scheduled for a very very stressful kind of shift at the hospital and I've been having waking nightmares of it. Just can't do it right now, can't face it, can't pull it off. I hate missing work, but my anxiety and depression are too much for me right now.

[Unrigged64072835]

Did housework with my husband. Also wrote two poems. Other than that not much.

[LadyShadow]

Up and down. Woke up grumpy because my sleep is god awful. I wish I could sleep a straight night through. I am really struggling with it. But as the day went on I am just bored. So bored. I wish I had purpose in life.

[Coffeee]

Can't sleep. Got back on here after a looong hiatus. Missed you guys!! Life has been quite hard recently. My dog just got out of the animal hospital, he was there for two days on an IV and meds. He is slowly on the mend thankfully. I've been losing my mind. I had to go to work today, and leave him. It was awful. He was the only one there for me consistently through my pits of darkness times.

I have very little idea about today, and where i've been for most of it

suddenly it's 2 PM and I have no memory of the morning at all

all I can do is try and make up for lost time this evening

[hopeless2015]

Having my coffee, didn't get groceries yesterday so I have to go do that in a little bit. Did some gambling last night and spent more than I should have. I'm trying to not have a meltdown over that. I know better but still struggle with controlling myself sometimes. I've gotten myself into so much trouble with this addiction and now I seem to be sliding again.

[Standup2me]

Day 3 of hubby not speaking to me. You know what? It's nice. So quiet. He talks so much.
It's me and my cats and dog, all snuggled around me, a crock pot full of veggie soup, and a good book at hand. The quiet rejuvenates me. I find inner peace and strength in it.
So, what the he** am I doing being married??? I am beginning to ask myself that

[Standup2me]

I read my cards today and drew the winter solstice card, telling me that the darkness is coming to an end. For a northerner like me, that means hope and light. My inner darkness will be over-powered by nature's light.
Thank you Earth Mother