I'm addicted to hypomania and mania. It's bad.

I keep intentionally triggering these episodes with Adderall because they just feel so good. I can't stop.

I was already hypomanic when I took Adderall yesterday, but I took the Adderall because I wanted to prolong the hypomanic episode and because I wanted to intensify it. I'm afraid I'm heading toward mania (which isn't necessarily a bad thing for me because I don't get delusions, but I do get mild hallucinations).

The first time I took Adderall, I took it two days in a row, which made me stay up for 4 days straight. I learned my lesson not to take it two days in a row. The second time I took it, I became hypo because I took it only once.

Does anyone else intentionally trigger (hypo)mania?

[still_crazy]

I had a slack psychiatrist who gave me waaaay too much adderall by prescription when I was in my late teens + early 20s. I went to the point of psychosis, but I was enjoying the feeling, even when I hit paranoid spots.

After that, a relative of mine was switched over from Focalin to Adderall. I found the nearly full bottle of Focalin and ran through the bottle in 1 or 2 days. Bad, bad call.

I recommend not taking stimulants. If you have good insurance, maybe Provigil or NuVigil. Those are milder, Schedule IV stimulants, as opposed to the Schedule II stimulants that some of us into Valley of the Dolls.

[bioChE]

It's called addiction to stimulants. Not uncommon at all.

[Shazerac]

Awww sweety be careful. You are flirting with the devil here. Maybe you should not have a script for adderal if you tend to abuse it. Stay safe.

[LifeInProgress]

I used to chase hypo and mania with a vengeance. 30-40 cups of black coffee a day at one point, plus any other stimulant I could get my hands on. Not a good time in my life.

It feels so good, but it can spiral out of control. Be careful.

[Moose72]

This is why I don't understand stimulants and us.

Yeah, I used to be a lot worse and refuse to take meds at all because I was chasing the manic high but now I just occasionally go off my meds to trigger (hypo)mania. I'm still addicted to my manias but I'm slowly realizing they're not as great as I think they are.

[raspberrytorte]

No. Overall my ups always feel really bad.

[Victoria'smom]

I love my ups even though they're horrible. I don't try and induce them.

[CloserToTheMid]

I used caffeine. The question is, bluebicycle, what are the stakes? Can you afford a manic episode in your life? Are you married? Children? Do you have a career? Do people depend on your stability? If not, then although it's risky at least your stakes are pretty low. I suppose you could say that you can afford to do it.

I cannot afford to do what you're doing. I have a wife and children who need to me to be as level as possible. I have a job to support them which needs me to be stable.

I hate to be a bummer, but using stimulants to trigger mood malfunctions is not normal or healthy. It's sounds like you're becoming an addict. Meth and Coke in your future I see.

Nah, not married, no kids. I'm 25. Have a career, but people don't depend on my stability.

I won't use meth or coke. Not my thing anyway. My Adderall is an old script I got a few months back, so it's all legal

I do have an addiction to Adderall/(hypo)mania that's forming, but it's something I have to work through, I guess. I was thinking about giving my Adderall to my pdoc.

[pirilin]

I can't take 5mg without a comedown. Terrible comedown. It lasts three hrs and then, yes, a comedown so bad I was using xanax to kill it.
If there was no comedown, I'll be taking it. And probably abusing it. Watch out.

[mossanimal]

Been there for sure. Still there.. but minus the adderall. It's funny how you can start the morning a little high..and then want to push, push, push. Thankfully... the Adderall was taken away from me. The caffeine is there but I don't really notice a difference. Funny how I only push the caffeine when I'm already feeling up. If I'm down I never hit the coffee at all hours. Unless it's to get some sugar and chocolate (I crave these things when down). Now that winter is here I try to induce by flooding myself with light or going outside and skiing or skipping about or whatever. Which overall is healthy.. but I admit to wanting to induce some hypo.

Adderall has been the worst thing that was ever done to me...

[venusss]

I won't use meth or coke. Not my thing anyway. My Adderall is an old script I got a few months back, so it's all legal

Isn't that basically the same thing? Just because it was prescribed for something else waaayyyy back then does not mean it's dangerous.

Not that I don't enjoy my highs... but I would not evoke them chemically. It sounds too risky to be worth it.

A few months ago I got the bright idea to take Wellbutrin without an AP or stabalizer. I wasn't exactly trying to trip hypo but more desperate for the depression to go away which it did and Hypo came along for the ride and I immediately called my doctor, stopped the Wellbutrin and started an AP. Now I'm just waiting to adjust to the AP so we can add a small dose of Wellbutrin and I'm really confident the combo will be life changing in a positive way for me. Before I knew about triggering hypo I did it unintentionally all the time. Hypo is a good feeling and since I'm usually dangerously depressed, it's also safer than depression....but it can lead to mania and that is just a wild card I can't trust or count on. ((((Hugs to you blue))). Be safe.

[BipolaRNurse]

I looooves me some hypomania, but it's too risky for me to induce it because I never know when it'll kick me into full-blown mania, which is bad. My manias are nasty and mean and loud, and I'm absolutely useless as a human being. Not worth it. But that doesn't stop me from wishing for it.

[CarriB]

That's a slippery slope. Be careful! I'm not a fan of hypomania so I try to stay as middle of the road as I can.

[bizi]

blue,
It is good that you recognize what you are doing. that is the first part.
If you feel it is wrong then do something about it.
bizi

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I could of wrote the OP myself. I got bad on stims last year. Well lately i was missing hypo so bad that i asked for my script back last month. Ughh. You're not alone. ((hugs))

[MissCathryn]

Originally Posted by bluebicycle

I'm addicted to hypomania and mania. It's bad.

I keep intentionally triggering these episodes with Adderall because they just feel so good. I can't stop.

I was already hypomanic when I took Adderall yesterday, but I took the Adderall because I wanted to prolong the hypomanic episode and because I wanted to intensify it. I'm afraid I'm heading toward mania (which isn't necessarily a bad thing for me because I don't get delusions, but I do get mild hallucinations).

The first time I took Adderall, I took it two days in a row, which made me stay up for 4 days straight. I learned my lesson not to take it two days in a row. The second time I took it, I became hypo because I took it only once.

Does anyone else intentionally trigger (hypo)mania?

I try to trigger mania too. It usually doesn't work though. How much do you have to take? I've taken 40mg with little success

I have 20mg Adderall XR. Is yours IR or XR?

I think (and maybe someone else can confirm) that 20mg of XR is equal to one 10mg IR dose plus a 10mg dose that slowly releases over 12 hours

[MissCathryn]

Mine are 20mg IR

Much more potent than XR.

[BipolarMama31]

You aren't alone.
I've started doing this recently too.
It feels so good.

I'm glad you see the signs tho.

[franz kafka]

If I'm already hypo I tend to do things that will make it worse, but I would never cause it from a stable state. My manias are too destructive and I don't ever wanna go back to hospital.