Support

boogiesmash · Dec 16, 2016, 03:11 PM

I am trying some stuff I learned from my dbt workbook but it's difficult today. I keep on feeling down that I will be alone again for the new year. I'm trying to choose not to let it bother me and to do something about it. However I'm struggling. I'm ready eyed thinking of past and worrying about future whether I'll always be alone which i do not want. I want companionship, lover supporter. Why can't I do this.

JustJace2u · Dec 16, 2016, 03:44 PM

*hugs* I met with my therapist last night and we discussed a similar issue that I have. On one hand I like being alone, but on the other hand I also like being around people. My big issue is that I am the shy and quiet type to begin with and have also become very selective who I let in to my little bubble of what I call friends. A good portion of my childhood was spent being bullied by other kids and it caused me alot of heartache, I don't want that again if I can help it, therefore I keep my distance. My therapist is afraid that I will slip back into a deep dark hole and end up back in the hospital again. I am sorry you are dealing with the emotional pain as well.

boogiesmash · Dec 16, 2016, 03:46 PM

Nye 2013 -14 I tried to commit suicide. At that time I was very lonely. Actually past 4 or 5 years I've been alone and it is also my birthday. It hurts a lot.

boogiesmash · Dec 16, 2016, 03:46 PM

I'm sorry I keep posting about being lonely. It hurts.

boogiesmash · Dec 16, 2016, 04:05 PM

I'm not winning. I try to choose happiness but my past is too much to overcome. I ask why am I alone. I used im more messed up than I thought. Co worker called me a hot mess and to use dbt, trying to kick me in the ***. I don't think their is any hope for me. I don't want it but I am thinking I am destined to be alone.

Victoria'smom · Dec 16, 2016, 04:07 PM

Can you go out with people from your dojo?

Moose72 · Dec 16, 2016, 04:11 PM

Are you in any groups- choir, book, knitting, anime, etc - that meet in real life? Try that. You'll meet friends and maybe a love interest.

boogiesmash · Dec 16, 2016, 04:12 PM

Most of the people their are older and have families.

boogiesmash · Dec 16, 2016, 04:14 PM

I'm not tried a few Meetup and people heir pissed me off. Too late to try a new one I wouldn't feel comfortable going to the first one and it's nye.

boogiesmash · Dec 16, 2016, 04:19 PM

I keep looking online and it's the same girls. None of which I'm interested or vice Versa. I'm thinking their is no point. It's making me go back to my vicious cycle of depression.

emgreen · Dec 16, 2016, 04:22 PM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

You don't have to apologize for posting about depression...That's what this site is for. I think the fact that it's your birthday makes today especially depressing. While kids look forward to their birthdays, they get harder as one ages (at least they do for me). As far as New Year's Eve goes, I'm usually asleep before midnight. Sometimes we build these occasions up when, in reality, they're just another day. I know my words won't do much to cheer you up (sounds like this is a tough time of year for you), but hang in there. Depression just sucks...But being bipolar, one knows the worm will turn eventually.

boogiesmash · Dec 16, 2016, 04:28 PM

I hate being alone.

boogiesmash · Dec 16, 2016, 04:28 PM

I'm trying my best to hide it at work but tears keep going down

emgreen · Dec 16, 2016, 04:47 PM

It sounds like you're in a VERY bad space right now. Can you call your therapist or pdoc? If things get too bad, call an appropriate mental health phone line, or go to the ER. Hang in there.

boogiesmash · Dec 16, 2016, 04:50 PM

I'm a f ucking failure.

bioChE · Dec 16, 2016, 05:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by boogiesmash

I'm a f ucking failure.

That's all right. Seriously. Just keep posting to let us in.

HALLIEBETH87 · Dec 16, 2016, 05:22 PM

Do you remember the DBT skill of "coping ahead?"

boogiesmash · Dec 16, 2016, 05:38 PM

Feeling better now. Applying my choice mantra till it goes away. Now how to make nye not be lonely

emgreen · Dec 16, 2016, 05:47 PM

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. Why don't you go out to a movie,or something? Treat yourself for your birthday.

Moose72 · Dec 16, 2016, 05:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by emgreen

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better. Why don't you go out to a movie,or something? Treat yourself for your birthday.

That's a great idea!

boogiesmash · Dec 16, 2016, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

That's a great idea!

Lol my birthday is January 1. I haven't kissed a girl in New Years for about 6 years I think. Is it sad I got dating for dummies?

Moose72 · Dec 16, 2016, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by boogiesmash

Lol my birthday is January 1. I haven't kissed a girl in New Years for about 6 years I think. Is it sad I got dating for dummies?

I don't have a boyfriend. I have a friend with benefits but it's sad sometimes because you don't get the rest- the hand holding and such. Maybe some hugging. Sure, you get hot sex with some tenderness but the whole picture would be nice. I don't have that either.