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#1
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I felt something was wrong with me from about 4 years age. I got depression at about that age and then severe depression at around 14. I think I experiences hypomania from age 16. Now it is showing more and more clearly. What about you?
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![]() MtnTime2896
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#2
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I'm not sure. I remember being depressed in High School.. but not enough to be treated. I remember wild times and my first obsessions and distractions that caused problems starting in college. But nothing I was treated for.. even though it cost me my pHd and I suddenly quit the Peace Corps and moved to California abandoning everything. If I look at the pattern of my life I feel it has been there from college on. But I wasn't diagnosed until this past summer.
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#3
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I was severely anxious and angry as a child but that was more my circumstances than anything. I was depressed after my father died but of course I would be. I went through about a year and a half in middle school where I was very happy and loved life. Then depression hit in eighth grade and it all went downhill from there. Still, I don't think I showed bipolar tendencies until I was 18. At the time I didn't believe it because I was never happy but now I can recognize that I cycled between bone crushing depression and severe agitation, probably mixed states. After a round of ect it went away for about six years, although looking back I can remember mild mood episodes. Then it all went to hell again right before I turned 25. I'm still not sure what triggered the sudden severity.
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Of course it is happening inside your head. But why on earth should that mean that it is not real? -Albus Dumbledore That’s life. If nothing else, that is life. It’s real. Sometimes it f—-ing hurts. But it’s sort of all we have. -Garden State |
#4
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Oh I wanted to mention... my younger sister was the one who had major issues as a teenager (from an outward perspective). Attempted suicide and getting thrown out of school. But she has since become successful in many areas of her life and I'm increasingly becoming the basket case. Not sure what this mean. Maybe she just didn't like being a teenager.
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#5
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Probably as a teenager. I had emotional outbursts (screaming) and I heard voices that I thought were my sister (separate room) but I'd go to check and she was always asleep.
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Qui Cantat Bis Orat ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 4.5 mg Gabapentin 300 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily Mania Sept/Oct 2024 Mania (July/August 2024) Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) |
#6
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I technically wasn't diagnosed until earlier this year, but looking back I think I started showing signs when I was a teen. When I was in high school I was diagnosed with SAD, but as the years went on it seemed like things were getting worse. Finally I said 'enough is enough' and started seeking help earlier this year.
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Dx: BP2 and MDD Current meds: 100mg Wellbutrin; 200mg Lamictal; 400mg Seroquel at night; Xanax 1mg/PRN; 100mg/PRN Trazodone at night for insomnia Diagnosed in May 2016 Last edited by JustJace2u; Dec 21, 2016 at 06:49 PM. |
#7
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showed up at age 43. some dysthymia from 5th grade onwards but no signs of hypo or regular mania until middle age.
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#8
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Psychosis definitely kicked in before anything else, which is why we're thinking maybe schizoaffective. By 15 I was dx'd psychosis NOS and was hiding under my bed from KFin and 9twoO, my two abusive gollum like creatures that followed me around everywhere, threatened me, poisoned my food, and told me to do certain things that would range anywhere from moving a pen two inches to the right to killing my whole family and myself.
When I was 13 I heard the voices of Gods narrating my actions, but I thought it was a normal thing everyone had. When I was 5 I saw aliens in the backyard. I still don't know if it actually happened, if it was a dream, or if it was a hallucination. The depression started happening when I was probably 16 or 17. The mania when I was 18 I think. I think I had had hypomanias before when I was 16/17 though. |
#9
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Psychosis showed up at 8. I was always an emotional child. I should have been medicated by early teens.
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Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
#10
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Wow. Did you realize it wasn't real?
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Qui Cantat Bis Orat ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 4.5 mg Gabapentin 300 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily Mania Sept/Oct 2024 Mania (July/August 2024) Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) |
#11
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I had symptoms through my teenage years (excessive sex and spending money) plus the ridiculous rebellious attitude.
Psychosis didn't hit till I was 24, which led to my first hospitalization with many more to come.
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Tales of Love, Motivation, and An Interesting Journey - Please Subscribe to my Website on WordPress: Inspired Odyssey's Journey of Grace, Grit and Starting Again |
#12
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I was first depressed/suicidal when I was 9. My parents literally dragged me to therapy, but it really helped. Very anxious for as long as I can remember (perfectionist tendencies didn't help that). Then I felt pretty good until I was 15. Things just built up, another depressive episode and I got put on zoloft when I was 17, which triggered my first mania. Then I started cycling more often. Still trying to figure out what "stable" means.
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![]() JustJace2u
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#13
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I've had symptoms of BP and Aspie as long as I can remember. Maybe when I was very young I din't feel something was wrong with me.
I dodn't start serious treatment until my early twenties though. I had to crash and burn hard. |
#14
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It is hard to say as I had a traumatic childhood but I was depressed and suicidal from age 9 and then it just got worse. I was a deeply troubled teenager but had some hypomanic periods then too. Had a massive breakdown at age 22 which was PTSD related but sent me manic then depressed. Had episodes of hypomania and depression ever since plus severe mixed states till my first psychotic break with severe mania which I just got out of two weeks ago. My illness just seems to be getting worse although periods of stability getting longer. Like one month or so in between rapid cycling. I am 40 now.
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Bipolar 1 with psychotic features PTSD ![]() "Phew! For a minute there I lost myself." 'Karma Police' by Radiohead |
#15
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Definitely have childhood trauma but the BP didn't hit till college
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
#16
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I had was my first depressive episode at the age of 17. I don't know when my first hypomanic episode was?
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Bipolar I /Panic/Anxiety disorder Lithium: 900mg Cymbalta: 60mg Valium: 5mg Latuda: 40mg |
#17
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I made my first suicide attempt at age 8. I don't remember what I did, but it didn't work, nobody noticed, and I was severely depressed for at least the next two years. Can't remember first mania.
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My labels: Bipolar 1 w/ psychosis PTSD GAD SAD ADHD Current meds: 1500mg divalproex sodium 3mg alprazolam 0.5 mg triazolam PRN assorted non psych meds. ![]() |
![]() xRavenx
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#18
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I've been depressed as far back as my memories go. I started causing problems in class from the start. I would deal with severe bouts of insomnia that came out of nowhere and then would sleep a lot a few weeks later. From looking at my journal and now recognizing my BP traits, my first documented manic episode happened when I was seventeen. It was pretty bad according to my writing and a little recollection. A lot of drinking, random partying and committing meaningless crime. I didn't sleep for almost six days straight during this time. However, I was officially diagnosed in September.
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"Give him his freedom and he'll remember his humanity." |
#19
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Psychologist says I had childhood bipolar disorder based on some information I had filled out and based on my school report cards (which included classroom behavior), but all I remember is being depressed and suicidal when I was 12. I'm not sure if it was a genuine episode or if it was situational. Too long ago to remember.
Otherwise, I REALLY started noticing things when I was 16. I would have random crying spells and I was emotionally sensitive during those depressive times. I also had periods of time where I just didn't sleep because I was too revved up. |
#20
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I crashed into severe depression around 13-14. First signs of hypomania around 16-17. Might have actually been in a mixed episode in between.
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#21
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I knew I was different as early as 3 or 4. One of my first memories at 4yrs of age was starting Kindergarten. I realized that all the kids around me were gleefully happy and that this was an emotion lacking in my life. This continued - frustratingly - right through into and during adulthood.
I was diagnosed with Bipolar in my 45th year after a bad nervous breakdow. Instead of fear or loathing in the diagnosis I was actually overjoyed for finally I belonged to a group of people out there. I actually felt for the first time in my life a sense of normalcy. |
#22
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I always I was part of a group of special people like me that I couldn't find.
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Qui Cantat Bis Orat ingrezza 80 mg Propranolol 40 mg Benztropine 1 mg Vraylar 4.5 mg Gabapentin 300 mg Klonopin 1 mg 2x daily Mania Sept/Oct 2024 Mania (July/August 2024) Mania (December 2023) Mixed episode/Hypomania (September 2023) Depression, Anxiety and Intrusive thoughts (September 2021) Depression & Psychosis (July/August 2021) |
![]() usehername
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#23
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Really young too. My mom dropped me off at my grandparents when I was 3.
I hated her new husband at 5. Unhappy at home, ecstatic at relatives. The extreme up and down of life just intensified.
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![]() Day Vraylar 3 mg. Wellbutrin 150 Night meds Temazepam 30 mg or lorazepam Hasn't helped yet. From sunny California! |
#24
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Depression at 9 after about 2 years of mild, reactive instability (severe at about 12; hebephrenic; 7 years in total, of which 2.5 years were spent on recovery), long period of hypomania at 21, mania/mixed and incongruent psychosis and hallucinating people at 25 lasting 1–2 years (after that a less severe mixed state for 3 years, with definitely periods of stability, pretty much, but incongruent psychosis as well). Another period of more pure mania (followed by non-affective psychosis with quite some overlap) at age 30.
I've always experienced very mild hallucinations at least since age 9, but it's not severe enough and it is chronic enough that I didn't recognise it as such. I still sometimes only notice I have been experiencing hallucinations after they're gone. Delusions have been a problem and many I also had not recognised as such, but I was always trembling. It's all been noise and fear that was suddenly gone after I was put on (enough; they tried it when I was manic with 1/3 of what is considered within a therapeutic range, which didn't help much for the mania, let alone the chronic symptoms) antipsychotics. The trembling stopped.
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Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide. See Me, Feel Me, Touch Me, Heal Me. |
#25
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I think I noticed something different at 5. Didn't get properly diagnosed until my late 40s. Most of the time I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
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