Depressed with insomnia and suicidal thoughts

I don't know where to begin. I've been feeling somewhat of a low-grade depression for a few weeks now but for the past four days I've felt severely depressed. Everything takes effort and I feel like I'm starting to wear out my family, especially my mom. My dad at least asks me how I am feeling. My brother is at a loss and doesn't know what to say. At least if I could sleep then I could have some temporary solace. But I'm only getting a few hours a night thanks to 2mg of ativan that my psychiatrist put me on. I don't know if the ativan is making it worse. I keep thinking about taking a handful of pills. But my faith would keep me from going through with it.

Please call someone about those thoughts. They can become reality in the blink of an eye. They did for me.

I second calling someone about those thoughts. It really is frightening how fast they can become reality even if you feel like you're a person who wouldn't ever do it (because of faith or any other reason).

Who should I call? Should I just tell my family? Or do I need to call a psychiatrist? I don't think I want to be hospitalized.

I would definitely tell your family if you're comfortable and feel like they're supportive of what you're going through. It sounds like your dad is. Then I would call your psychiatrist (or whomever is on call at the clinic) and they can assess whether they think you should go to the hospital. It sucks to be hospitalized but sometimes it's the best thing when we get into these places. Let us know how you're doing.

I told my dad that I felt like I don't want to go on any longer but I couldn't tell my mom about wanting to take the pills. I thought I might be starting to feel better but I'm feeling rigidly stuck in this depression.

Depression for me is usually a week-long phenomenon. It started four days ago so there's still time for it to go away. Thanks for being interested in how I am doing.

This afternoon me and my mom made a birthday card for my Dad. Usually I am such a creative person when it comes to making cards but today I could barely find the patience. I am not having as many thoughts about taking pills but have some psychomotor agitation - i feel like i just want to get up and move and it's hard to sit still.

I will keep posting on here periodically.

It's good you mentioned how you are feeling to your dad, if the feelings get worse you should definitely contact your doctor.

I can sympathize a lot wi what you're going through. I'm in a very depressive state right now as well. I'm also a highly creative person but when I'm feeling like this I don't have the motivation or patience to sew or draw or paint or whatever. Even if I try I just give up really quickly. Anyways just wanted to let you know that someone understands, sometimes that helps a little bit.

I finally told my mom and brother about my suicidal thoughts. My mom reacted with worry but didn't really hide the pills from me or anything.

I am feeling a little anxious tonight which seems to be a pattern now during the night. I want to go to bed as soon as it turns dark to escape for a little while.

My dad gave me a little beer to drink tonight saying it would help me feel better. My mom has a friend that's a psychiatrist who told me not drink it as it would make me more depressed. I drank just half a beer anyway. She says that I could consider adding wellbutrin onto my medication regimen to help with the depression. But I already feel like I'm taking so much.

I will have another night with tenuous sleep induced by 2mg of ativan. If I could just sleep better I feel like I'd be in a better place. There just is no relief out of this misery.

I am actually finishing up medical school and was a highly successful student. I can occupy myself with a little bit of computer work that I have to do. It at least gives me something to do when I'm consumed with anxiety and nervous energy.

So I woke up this morning with the feeling that things might be looking up. Instead of wanting to lay in my bed I had the urge to get up and do something. The thought of making a card for my father is no longer totally burdensome. I think (hope) my depression may be lifting.

Normally the depression doesn't lift first thing when I wake up, it's normally a process that happens over the course of a day. But I guess there is always room for firsts.

I feel as if this depression was a signal for me to reconnect with God. I had left my relationship with Him for a while over the course of 2016. Maybe this depression had to happen on the springs of 2017 in order to start afresh and become closer to Him again.

I plan to be a psychiatrist one day. I am interpreting this illness as a way for me to relate to future patients. No longer will I simply just glaze over suicidal thoughts. These are an important issue and the question is so important. I will definitely remember more to ask about them and to act accordingly. Hopefully I'll be able to give better advice too.