[Theresa1991]

I think my hypo is coming to and end or already did. After two months of barely sleeping and wild new ideas for my life, lots of social contacts etc. I could feel it fading away within the last days.

I got more and more anxious and I feel horribly about the way I am leading my life. I am doing well at work because noone seems to notice my struggle inside. But I don't accomplish any of the things I want to.

I want to be quiet and responsible but instead I go out to drink and smoke. I quit sports. I am in a constant panic mode. I feel love sick. What is the sense to all of this?

I feel I am completely out of control. I am sick of being an adult. I just want to curl up in bed until it's all over but I have things to get done. I don't want to feel this way anymore and I think I am handling my life in a very bad way and I see no escape. I feel like a complete failure.

[spotofbipolar]

Hey Theresa. Are you able to grab some family at the moment?

It's hard. You don't need to be societies depiction of an adult. If you need time then take it. Try not to be type cast by your perceived expectations of you.

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry you are coming down, but it is the nature of the beast. Take some time and get plenty of rest. You are not a failure. Your feelings are running away with you. Are you seeing a doctor if so contact him to see if a med change is in order. If not it might be a good time to get one.Keep posting as it helps to get the feelings out. Good luck to you.

[Theresa1991]

Thanks for the kind answers!

Unfortunately my family lives 600 km away and I just started a new job and moreover have to find a new flat, so I can't relax or rest. I am constantly confronted with new situations and insecurity.

My p and t won't give me meds, just as-needed-medication. I am basically begging them to prescribe me something long term but they say that they still are not 100 % sure I have bipolar and they don't want to treat me like a lab rat. I would love to just try and see if I get better because the limbo in my head is driving me insane.

I feel extremely anxious because of my unhealthy life style and the flat change (still haven't found a new room but I have two months to go). I always try to behave all right, quit smoking and parties and all but then hypo sets in and makes me do whatever or depression and lonelyness stress me out way too much and I am just seeking some relief. Anyway I know I should be more consequent and I used to be but seem to have lost the ability to do whatever I set my mind to.

[spotofbipolar]

The loneliness is tough (and I don't know the answer).

Would a flat mate assist? A support group?

Sorry about you doctor. If they are not convinced re BP might they give you something for anxiety.

[Theresa1991]

Anxiety meds is a good idea! I will ask my t (because my p I won't see until in two weeks).

I do have two flatmates but we don't see each other often. But I am looking for a new room which I want to be in a shared flat as well. I was thinking about going to a bipolar support group. Although they are not sure about what I have it is the most probable and there is no other dx that really fits. Maybe I don't have anything at all, haha.

Loneliness is really ugly, I try to meet friends and all but like many people here (I guess) I am always looking for someone who really understands my troubles (and that is not about self pity). I am missing a person like that so much.

My anxiety needs to be calmed, I cannot concentrate on work and was close to a panic attack in the cantine.

[Musician1980]

Originally Posted by Theresa1991

Anxiety meds is a good idea! I will ask my t (because my p I won't see until in two weeks).

I do have two flatmates but we don't see each other often. But I am looking for a new room which I want to be in a shared flat as well. I was thinking about going to a bipolar support group. Although they are not sure about what I have it is the most probable and there is no other dx that really fits. Maybe I don't have anything at all, haha.

Loneliness is really ugly, I try to meet friends and all but like many people here (I guess) I am always looking for someone who really understands my troubles (and that is not about self pity). I am missing a person like that so much.

My anxiety needs to be calmed, I cannot concentrate on work and was close to a panic attack in the cantine.

It does sound like hypomania leading to exhaustion. A lot of times, getting some rest, having -food- and coffee + a cigarette for me would restore me to the excited optimistic state. It's tricky w. bipolar states that aren't bipolar I because you don't want to crash into deep depression but the hypomania turns more mixed/negative/anxious when your body/brain are still moving quickly but there's physical exhaustion and lack of energy/food. I'd been able to stay in a mostly positive/energetic mood for years at a time in my early twenties and for around 10 years from ages 26-36. It seemed for a while that if what I had was hypomania, it was within a normal/healthy range and didn't do anything destructive (I still only had one "episode" that exhausted me) and I could keep things good with coffee and knowing that if I felt down or tired for a few hours or a day that eventually, things would perk up again which they always did.

I'm only having issues now cause I had insomnia that led to an exhausted crash this summer leading to med changes from the 10 mg Lexapro I was put on 10 years ago not for depression but for chronic migraine. They assessed my episode to have been hypomanic and changed my dx to "moderate mixed BP" and the med changes as well as dx have had me over examining myself and wondering if things could be fundamentally okay. I'm pretty sure had that not happened, I would be sailing by just fine still on 10 mg without feeling so vigilant and imperiled.

With how bad I felt at a few points in my life (age 16 and age 24), it seems miraculous I was okay for so long but it definitely can happen and hopefully will happen again.

[Theresa1991]

Originally Posted by Musician1980

It does sound like hypomania leading to exhaustion. A lot of times, getting some rest, having -food- and coffee + a cigarette for me would restore me to the excited optimistic state. It's tricky w. bipolar states that aren't bipolar I because you don't want to crash into deep depression but the hypomania turns more mixed/negative/anxious when your body/brain are still moving quickly but there's physical exhaustion and lack of energy/food. I'd been able to stay in a mostly positive/energetic mood for years at a time in my early twenties and for around 10 years from ages 26-36. It seemed for a while that if what I had was hypomania, it was within a normal/healthy range and didn't do anything destructive (I still only had one "episode" that exhausted me) and I could keep things good with coffee and knowing that if I felt down or tired for a few hours or a day that eventually, things would perk up again which they always did.

I'm only having issues now cause I had insomnia that led to an exhausted crash this summer leading to med changes from the 10 mg Lexapro I was put on 10 years ago not for depression but for chronic migraine. They assessed my episode to have been hypomanic and changed my dx to "moderate mixed BP" and the med changes as well as dx have had me over examining myself and wondering if things could be fundamentally okay. I'm pretty sure had that not happened, I would be sailing by just fine still on 10 mg without feeling so vigilant and imperiled.

With how bad I felt at a few points in my life (age 16 and age 24), it seems miraculous I was okay for so long but it definitely can happen and hopefully will happen again.

I think also for me coffee and a cigarette and some food is doing the deal many times. I also tend to get better as soon as I break isolation and have some small talk (which I totally want to avoid when in that state, but I force myself). I don't really lack motivation when getting depressed. The worst is the anxiety that sometimes becomes impossible to calm. And the racing thoughts. I also wonder if I have been hypomanic for at least a year and I guess so and normally after like two weeks of feeling mixed I can restore hypomania. Anyway, mine is sometimes of the irritable kind and I am definitely draining myself here, way too little sleep and often risky behaviour, so I am craving for some leveling out.