I'm Sick of This.

It's like every time I start to get better, I start getting worse instead. Can anyone relate to that? I have rapid-cycling BP, and lately my depressive episodes are happening for two days every two weeks, same as before I went in for treatment. I don’t know why the one today happened, although it was triggered by a dream that I had. My life is so radically different from that wonderful dream that all these bad thoughts just came flowing in. I did forget my morning dose yesterday, but I’ve missed doses before and this never happened, so I don’t think it’s because of that.

I tried talking to my best friend about this, but like always, he just told me to stop wallowing in self-pity and get a grip on myself and do something productive with my time, as if it’s so easy to get out of bed and do things you normally like doing. He also said something about how there’s no point to a year of therapy if it isn’t going to treat me, and what the hell is my pdoc doing? I love my friends and family, but they just don’t know how to react around me when I’m depressed, which is why I rarely ever tell them when it hits me… and then I get lonely, and that makes it worse. Like right now, when I have no one with me. My family is thousands of kilometres away, my roommate is out (somehow she’s always out when I get depressed or hypomanic – how?), and my best friend is probably sick of me. I’m so freaking lonely right now… and I’m feeling really vulnerable…

Sorry for rambling. I don’t know why anyone would bother reading this sob story of mine, but thanks if you did. Hope you have a better day than me.
Swati

I can relate pretty much to what you're saying. I also tend to isolate when depressed because I get answers like these from friends and my family is far away too. Try to remember things that you like and that you can do alone. I know how hard it is when nothing seems to make sense, but you have to remember that it won't stay like this and that when feeling better you will ask yourself why you spent your time grieving instead of doing the things you want to get done. Loneliness also uses to get better when you're occupied.

Sometimes nothing helps and you just have to suffer it. I do too. But as long as I can make myself move I try to go out instead. I don't know where you live, but sometimes when I just want to be around people and tell nothing private I go to couchsurfing events as in my city there are a lot of such events.

Thanks a ton for replying. I'm considering starting a support group for mental health survivors in my city (we don't really have anything of the sort here in India) with one of my friends who has depression... I really think something like that could help me out.

I know the feeling well. And I can relate to being triggered by a dream. That happens to me a lot. It's definitely not easy to just pull yourself out of bed. But I feel it's necessary. I try to fight my depression by doing opposite action. I force myself out of bed and at least onto the couch. I try to do my chores, if only for 10-15 minutes at a time. I play with my son, again maybe for only 15 minutes but I try. It helps a little.

I hope you find some relief soon.

I'm newly diagnosed and can relate. Rapid cycling since Christmas. Can't get off the couch depressed for the last week, and today I feel like I have energy. Tomorrow who.knows?

God this sucks.

There's definitely a chance that missing a med dose could lead to a decline or change in mood. We're usually hypersensitive to change.

I remember when my best friend would call me more frantic than usual about day to day stress (things at work, drama with friends) I would say, "hey, did you remember to take your Lexapro today?" and she would always be like "oh ****, I forgot." When she'd take it, suddenly the worries were deflated. And she'd thank me.

I never missed a dose in 10 years but I did accidentally take two doses in the same day once by mistake.

You're right. Thank you. So many meds..It easy to miss one

No solution, unfortunately, but I do understand the feelings brought on by people who believe they can sort it all for us and also judge us for not following their recommendations. All I can offer, sadly, is my commiseration.

Thanks for replying. I tried working out - I'm a huge workout junkie when stable, I do 1.5 hours a day - to cheer myself up, but couldn't get through more than a minute of it.

Now I'm back to lazing in bed. I skipped college today again... now I feel like **** about it.

Thanks a ton for the support, guys. My episodes only last two days usually, so I'm hoping for some respite tomorrow morning.

I'm sorry things are especially rough for you right now.

The worse 5 words I have ever heard.....

" did you take you're meds "

My husband learned very very quick to not say that, my family knows that's the last thing to ever ask also.

The half lives on most meds will carry you over a missed dose.

Moods shift and it's not always due to Bipolar. If my husband does something stupid and I get mad , is it BP or am I just pissed he did X ? Exactly.

Right now I'm hanging by a frayed rope. It's not Bipolar its chronic pain, unrelenting.

I have days where all I want to do is sleep , it's not always Bipolar

I'm by no means invaliding how your feeling ...It's okay to be mad sad or happy and it have nothing to do with Bipolar or it may all be because of Bipolar

Hope you're feeling better soon.

Thanks, Christina...