what to do?

i am sorry to bother everyone again. i still feel awful and the thoughts are getting worse i was going to try and call a hotline but i chickened out cause i got scared i would end up at the hospital again and i dont want to go back there at all. i am really anxious as well and i feel like i am sinking back down into the deep dark hole again. i dont know what to do i feel like everything is hopeless and like i should just give up i really cant take this.

I am so sorry you are feeling this bad. You do need to get help, even if that lands you in hospital. Are you safe? If not, call a crisis line now. Can you get an emergency T and/or pdoc appointment? Are you able to stay with someone so you are not alone? Your life matters. Please do all you can to protect yourself. What meds are you on? Is there anything you can take right now to calm things down? Any coping skills to use? Hang in there and keep posting. You are not alone.

i am trying really hard to stay safe and i cant get an emergency appointment. i am on Abilify and was on seroquel but the seroquel was making things worse so they stopped that. i am trying all my coping skills they just arent helping. i hate this i feel so useless and horrible everything is all my fault.

i am still feeling horrible but i have also been feeling a bit paranoid the last few days i keep thinking someone is watching me and is going to break into my house to hurt me. i am really scared i dont know i want to cry it hurts so much.

Hey, I'm there with paranoia, too. Also intense SI. Look, if you need the hospital there's no shame in that. I know you don't want to, I don't either. However, if it keeps us safe then maybe it's not a terrible option? I'm here if you just want to talk. Hopefully all of the typing will exhaust you into getting a good rest.

i am really nervous and jumpy and all over the place and i dont know what to do i am a waste of space and i am cursed because i am such a horrible disgusting person.

I can't say I know you, but I wouldn't call you horrible or disgusting.

So when I get nervous and jumpy like this I do a few different things. I turn on music and sit down with a pen and paper. I write about what I'm so scared of and make it as specific as possible. Then I address the likelihood of it happening. What would happen if it did and what would happen if it didn't. (If you want you can do that or even write it here, it's all good). Once I've done that, I do the breathing techniques I was taught to help with my anxiety (I can teach you that if you want). Then I'll do ridiculous math problems, and I hate math, but they occupy my mind. After that, I read.

You're not a waste here in cyber land, it's far to massive for that.

You think you want to try any of those things I listed? Maybe it could help some.

i have been listening to music it was helping but now it isnt.

That happens sometimes. Do you play an instrument, draw or write or anything? If not, there's always something else I do. Two things actually: First one, I drive with the radio blaring (running/walking in my neighborhood isn't really safe). Second one, I blast the music in my ears or house and get lost in it. I'll full on air play drums or guitar just for the sake of releasing the music's energy. Working out is good too, along with bouncing a tennis ball around and sometimes just nervous cleaning.

When I was feeling that way in November I knew deep down that going to the hospital was probably the best thing for me, as much as I didn't want to go. I ended up going thanks to my t who called an ambulance one night while I was sitting in her office.

I am too scared to go there again. Everything is a huge mess and I am the one who ruined it all. It is hopeless I am hopeless.

The hospital is necessary sometimes. It's like a shower: you don't wanna don't wanna but finally give in and when you get out you feel so much better.

i will see if i can make it until i see someone in my care team but i really dont want to go there again.

Hugs, flutter.

You can get things sorted out in the hospital. It seems like the best place for you right now.

I understand not wanting to go. I never want to go either and always wait until it's too late, bad things happen, and I'm forced there.

i will see how i go for the next few days i have so much to do i just have to make it through the week that is all but it is so hard.

I understand how it feels to just need to make it through to the next day. Just don't push yourself too hard.

also i dont know why but i keep getting paranoid that people are going to hurt me and i keep getting scared all the time.