[Flutterby11]

i dont know what to do i am feeling really suicidal. i tried contacting an online helpline only to be told after waiting nearly an hour that they didnt have time to speak to me and to call a friend. i want to give up i already felt completely worthless but this has just confirmed it. no one seems to even want me around anyway could it be such a bad thing if i wasnt.

[Fedor]

I care If you want to share with me I am a good listener

[BipolaRNurse]

Please go to your nearest emergency room, NOW. You deserve help because you're a worthwhile human being. I'm so sorry the helpline fell down on the job. Know that you have a place in this world...you may not know where, but you belong.

I know how wretched this feels. Just know that what you're going through is temporary and that you'll come out of the darkness. In the meantime, go where you can be safe until the worst is over. (((((HUGS)))))

[sunnydisposition]

There's always a solution for every problem. But Depression is a merciless disease, it takes away the one thing that we need more than oxygen, food, and even happiness, its our ability to hope. It feels like living in a sunless, cold and grey world, that appears to stretch way into the future as far as we could see. I often remind myself, just because I cant see or feel hope doesn't mean its not there. One thing that helps me more than anything is to focus on what i can do with my life from here on. If i dwell on all the bad **** thats happened to me i'd be drowning in a sea of pain within seconds. what happened, happened. I cant change that (as much as i'd like to). What i CAN still change is the life thats here and yet to come. Focus on what you can make of this precious time thats offered to us day after day. Let go of whats lost, and gone. Making this subtle change in what you choose to focus on day after day, will rekindle the flames of hope that's been almost burnt out down to its very last embers.

[FallenAngel454]

Please seek help IMMEDIATELY!!! You ARE worth it and you DO deserve to live. You deserve the help you need to get through this. Nobody should ever feel like they have to end their life!! I've been there before and it feels horrible.

I really hope you get the help you need. People DO care about you!! Good luck with everything.

[usehername]

I hope you went to the ER. For future reference, crisis text line: 741-741. They won't turn you away. I can't believe someone did. That's deplorable.

I am sending hugs.

((((hugs)))))

[Flutterby11]

thanks for the replies i havent gone to the ER. i am trying to just keep going hour by hour if i start crying again i might go but i just feel like i would be bothering them like they have to deal with real emergencies this is just me and i dont really matter i dont want to take a bed away from someone else even if it was just for the night.

[usehername]

You do matter.

Originally Posted by Flutterby11

thanks for the replies i havent gone to the ER. i am trying to just keep going hour by hour if i start crying again i might go but i just feel like i would be bothering them like they have to deal with real emergencies this is just me and i dont really matter i dont want to take a bed away from someone else even if it was just for the night.

it's their job at E.R to help you.

no matter how big or how small.

I hope you have a lot of good distraction methods you can use to help you

(thanks to busy, we actually now have a good thread with methods in it I think should be a sticky)

[bpfighter250]

Suicidal thoughts are scary, but once your depression lifts they will go away. If you are feeling unsafe, it's best to seek out some medical attention.

[gayleggg]

Originally Posted by Flutterby11

thanks for the replies i havent gone to the ER. i am trying to just keep going hour by hour if i start crying again i might go but i just feel like i would be bothering them like they have to deal with real emergencies this is just me and i dont really matter i dont want to take a bed away from someone else even if it was just for the night.

You need and deserve help. You are worth it. I'm kind of feeling the same way but keep fighting the thoughts. I know that when I'm out of the depression I will feel differently. Sometimes it takes a hospital visit to bring it home to me that I am worthy of life and of feeling better. I'm considering it for myself, but not quite ready. So I listen to music that reminds me of better times. Please reach out for help. May peace be with you.

[Flutterby11]

thanks everyone i tried to sleep but only got 3 hours i found out i am supposed to be seeing my mental health worker today so i will try and talk to him but he is also not very good at his job he never replies when i try to contact him and last time i saw him was with the psychiatrist who told him to take all my meds away from me he didnt do that either. the last time i told him i was feeling suicidal he told me to just wait until we meet in person like i could just turn the feelings off. anyway enough of my complaining i am just hoping he wont make things worse today cause if he does that is not going to end well.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Flutterby11

thanks everyone i tried to sleep but only got 3 hours i found out i am supposed to be seeing my mental health worker today so i will try and talk to him but he is also not very good at his job he never replies when i try to contact him and last time i saw him was with the psychiatrist who told him to take all my meds away from me he didnt do that either. the last time i told him i was feeling suicidal he told me to just wait until we meet in person like i could just turn the feelings off. anyway enough of my complaining i am just hoping he wont make things worse today cause if he does that is not going to end well.

Can't you go to the psych ER? Especially if your pdoc is going to make things worse.

[Flutterby11]

[QUOTE=Moose72;5464936]Can't you go to the psych ER? Especially if your pdoc is going to make things worse. [/QUOTE

it isnt the pdoc it is the mental health worker although the pdoc isnt great either if i am being honest. anyway the mental health worker works through the states health service which is connected to the hospital in other words even if i went to the hospital he would be called so i kind of cant avoid him plus even if i tried to cancel he would just show up to my house it is complicated and ridiculous to some extent but i am stuck with it for now.

[Unrigged64072835]

I hope you get the help you need soon. You deserve good treatment.

[Flutterby11]

well the mental health worker made things a lot worse i am so done right now.

[Musician1980]

Originally Posted by Flutterby11

well the mental health worker made things a lot worse i am so done right now.

What happened? Tell us if you can and please hang in there. We've all come out of terrible depressions and gotten to states of mind that make us look back and say "what was I thinking, life is great." Things can only get better from here, trust me, I've been to hell and back and am still here.

[Flutterby11]

Originally Posted by Musician1980

What happened? Tell us if you can and please hang in there. We've all come out of terrible depressions and gotten to states of mind that make us look back and say "what was I thinking, life is great." Things can only get better from here, trust me, I've been to hell and back and am still here.

i dont even know where to start he was rude and it was just horrible he basically said it wasnt his job to support me which it is because he cant be bothered. i am so done he said that if i was feeling bad then just go to the hospital even though that is supposed to be the last resort i am just so over it i really cant take this i am literally crying as i type this and i have zero support right now nobody even knows how terrible i feel and i want to scream it hurts so so much inside everything seems so dark i feel like no one wants me around like they are all just saying go ahead we would all like it better without you anyway. i dont know what to do maybe there is nothing i can do maybe that is all there is.

[Musician1980]

Originally Posted by Flutterby11

i dont even know where to start he was rude and it was just horrible he basically said it wasnt his job to support me which it is because he cant be bothered. i am so done he said that if i was feeling bad then just go to the hospital even though that is supposed to be the last resort i am just so over it i really cant take this i am literally crying as i type this and i have zero support right now nobody even knows how terrible i feel and i want to scream it hurts so so much inside everything seems so dark i feel like no one wants me around like they are all just saying go ahead we would all like it better without you anyway. i dont know what to do maybe there is nothing i can do maybe that is all there is.

Your life is too important and too much work and learning have gone into you becoming a person for all of the tomorrows. If it feels like no one wants you around, that is just temporary and will change over time as you find people who are better suited to connect with you, especially compared to this person who was rude.

[bioChE]

Per the recommendations earlier in this thread, I think you should go to the hospital. I hate to say it, but he may have been right.

[Flutterby11]

i really dont want to go there everyone will be mad at me if i go there.

[bioChE]

No, everyone will not be mad at you.