[Ripose]

I was different as a very young child in ways such as finding other kids to be very childish, rude, mean and cruel, I also found some adults to be very childish as well. To make a long story short I was always ostracized by everyone I knew because I was so different and I ended being left alone from a very young age with no friends or family around. I grew to enjoy my time alone but being ostracized in school was more than I could bear and I often felt suicidal.

I never could understand why nobody liked me since I was nice, polite, and respected everyone. It's not like I was psycho or anything but people just did not like me.
Things have not changed even today 50 years later. Now I can't stand stand to be around anyone unless necessary like a Dr. appointment. I don't know how I have survived all these years.

Now I even feel ostracized here on PC, so my question is ; what is it that everyone finds so weird about me? Weird enough that nobody wants to be around me or even talk to me?

[DechanDawa]

I have never found your comments to be strange in any way. They are often insightful. However, your avatar is rather cold and a bit scary. That's just me. You know how PC is...many different opinions. Others may find your avatar interesting. The point is, this is a online forum, and many people come and go, so your thoughts about being ostracized here might be self-generated and unfounded. I think the only way someone might feel ostracized on PC is they make inappropriate comments, and maybe moderators might private message them to stop doing that or they will be asked to leave.

[Ripose]

I guess it shows how I feel about myself on PC and how it is true in IRL.

I made my avatar myself using movie quality software, but it never dawned on me to smile when it came to incorporate my own picture.

[bizi]

I am sorry you are feeling that way.
Do you still have suicidal thoughts?
Have you been in therapy over the years to try to make some peace with your past/present/future?
Journaling can help.
bizi

[hopeless2015]

HUGS, sorry you feel that way...keep posting, we will support you here

[Ripose]

Originally Posted by bizi

I am sorry you are feeling that way.
Do you still have suicidal thoughts?
Have you been in therapy over the years to try to make some peace with your past/present/future?
Journaling can help.
bizi

No suicidal thoughts at all.
I have been in therapy once but since we only get 10 visits in Alberta I don't bother with it. No pdoc either my GP handles everything.
Ever since I started Lamictal I have problems writing anything. I may try again though.

I just a general aversion to outside help.

[Moose72]

I was going to say the same thing: your avatar spooks me.

[Ripose]

Okay I changed my avatar,

[neodoering]

It sucks to feel ostracized. I don't see any reason, from what you posted, why anyone would consider you weird or not someone they would talk with. Just for the record, I also thought your avatar was creepy and off-putting. With the rays of light it suggested you thought you were God.

[Wild Coyote]

Hi Ripose,
I am so sorry this continues unresolved. You have written about feeling left out here before. Many have tried to reassure you they value your presence and comments.

Speaking for myself, I find your comments often very intelligent and insightful. When I check in here and see you have written, I quickly go to read your posts.

I'm glad you've had the courage and the insight to openly inquire here. I hope you continue to receive helpful input.

(((((( Ripose ))))))


WC

[Ripose]

Originally Posted by neodoering

It sucks to feel ostracized. I don't see any reason, from what you posted, why anyone would consider you weird or not someone they would talk with. Just for the record, I also thought your avatar was creepy and off-putting. With the rays of light it suggested you thought you were God.

Are you saying my new avatar I just switched too sucks as much as the last one?

[Trippin2.0]

I like your avatars, but maybe that's cos I'm strange and I like spooky stuff, and that's ok with me.

I'm sorry you've been feeling left out, I for one enjoy your post, which are always insightful and well thought out, written in a style that is unique to Ripose.

If there anything I can do to make you feel more welcomed, like one on chats /pms please let me know.

[bioChE]

You don't need to feel ostracized by us. We're here to accept you, whatever state you're in.

You're not weird, Ripose. Not that I can tell anyhow. Certainly no weirder than me.
I'm sorry you feel ostracized. I agree with others that it is a perception issue. I've heard one of the things they say in DBT is, "feelings aren't facts". Our brains seem to like to convince us otherwise.

Nice job on the new avatar! How does the software work? Does it automatically just convert from a picture or do you get to play with it too?

Fellow 50- something. I've been odd one out since forever except for about 4 years, but that was decades ago. Same thing-- nice, but guess it takes more. You say you have trouble reaching out. Do you tend to be a private person? Yes on both counts over here and I suspect that's a significant factor. I don't share much and consequently don't really connect. Honestly, I don't feel a lot in common with the majority of people, so my motivation is low. Mostly I'm ok with it. Like you, I learned well how to keep myself amused. You strike me as a rather private person. Would you say that is so? Do you think it gets in the way of connecting at all?

[Ripose]

I don't remember at all how I created my current avatar but it was online.

Yes I am definitely a very private person, I hate having people other than my wife in the house. It really bothers me to have to talk to unwanted guests.
Of course it gets in the way of connecting with others, but so do many other of my behaviors.

I'm just plain weird I guess.

[Unrigged64072835]

I don't think you're weird. But I've been called weird too, and I don't care.

Your avatar is fine. You're not going to please everybody, so stick with what you like.

I'm an introverted, shy, and socially awkward person. So I can understand.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by Ripose

Are you saying my new avatar I just switched too sucks as much as the last one?

I think your new avatar is fine. The rays make you (your avatar) look very alert! When I was first on PC I had an avatar that sent out lightning bolts. When I changed it people said they were relieved because the lightning bolt avatar felt demonic. I have opted for calming avatars now and they are really more reflective of my personality. I like your new avatar. Does it reflect your personality a bit? I bet it does. Just kidding. I hope you enjoyed the many positive comments you got on this thread.

[bizi]

I like your new avatar.

bizi

[neodoering]

Originally Posted by Ripose

Are you saying my new avatar I just switched too sucks as much as the last one?

Sorry, but yes. I have had several days recently when I had extended delusions that I was God. So I looked at your avatar, and I said, "This guy has been there. He's still there. Any moment now he's going to give the command to open the Book of Revelations."

[Ripose]

Actually the blue rays just mean I am full of life force and it is reaching out to others. It has no religious connotation for me at all.

[DechanDawa]

Wow, if we started discussing everyone's avatars there would be no end to it! Mine is actually some kind of goddess of the spring archetype or something. Guess to me it signifies we are always awakening to new and fresh parts of ourselves.

[Ripose]

Well this thread has definitely got me feeling better, which was the original point of all this.
Maybe we should start a new thread about avatars and if they trigger people. I would be curious.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by Ripose

Well this thread has definitely got me feeling better, which was the original point of all this.
Maybe we should start a new thread about avatars and if they trigger people. I would be curious.

Cool idea.

[wiretwister]

Originally Posted by Ripose

Now I even feel ostracized here on PC, so my question is ; what is it that everyone finds so weird about me? Weird enough that nobody wants to be around me or even talk to me?

always have and always will consider you a friend ... pm anytime ...

avitar ... I have a Korean singer as mine ... just do whatever you want ...

peace brother ... Tigger .

[Fuzzybear]