[thymage]

Here's my story... maybe someone can help see if this might truly be bipolar? ocd? combination of the two? anyone have any similar stories that turned out to definitely be one of the two?

I saw a psychiatrist in November for possible mood issues and OCD. I've had major anxiety / depression issues since high school (self-harm during that time as well). That resolved, but in college I was diagnosed with OCD (couldn't touch unclean things, counting a lot, repetitive thoughts). I was put on Zoloft both times (high school and college) and it seemed to help. I have been off Zoloft for about 7 years.

About 2 years ago I started getting very irritated and moody. Mainly on the weekends it seemed to show more (or maybe because I was off work and my wife noticed more?) We have three little kids... and for someone with OCD that needs the house cleaned and picked up all the time, I feel like I can never relax. The irritability has gotten a lot worse. Sometimes, it seems to come out of nowhere... I snap at my kids and my wife, just want to go in a room by myself, and feel very sensitive (even my clothes bother me).

Very rarely (couple times a year), I feel almost 'high' for a few hours. I feel greatly happy, or uneasy. Feel like I need to run and just never stop. It only last a little while, then goes away. Last year was a very rough year for my family. I was very depressed for a few months. No energy, couldn't do much, drank a lot. Not sure if depression is from the crappy year we had that never stopped, or bipolar.

About a month ago, just one day, I felt like I felt a 'switch'. I felt like I needed to start exercising again, eating super healthy, drinking less. Goal was to lose a ton of weight. When I felt like I needed to do this, I felt very very motivated. Nothing was going to get in the way of it! I felt like I was already DAYS behind my goal and I needed to start right away. I was actually at work, so I did start exercising right away.

At the same time, I also began building my wife's website for her business. I used to build websites in high school, and I don't really like my job right now doing something in another career. So I made her website, and then began REALLLLLY looking into website coding, learning all the different codes.. HTML, Javascript, Jquery, CSS3, Bootstrap... all in the hopes of quitting my job soon and building websites for people. I actually asked several close local businesses if I could build their website pages for them. I offered to build my mother-in-law a page for her business. However, unlike what I read for bipolar symptoms, I never make any drastic purchases or go on spending sprees...

I coded all day. Got irritated when people interrupted me from coding and learning (at work or home). I remember waking up in the morning still thinking about coding. (Mind you, my sleep has been pretty good this whole time though... still get good sleep).

That intense drive for coding and website building lasted about a month. Now... eh. No real passion for it. I feel like.. eh about it. My drive for exercise is also down... don't have the same desire / goal to continue.

Does this sound bipolar-ish to you? just OCD? Both?

My psychiatrist put me on Zoloft 50 mg in Nov. First day I was on it was very brain foggy. Second day I was EXTREMELY irritable, VERY angry, wanted to get away from everybody, never ever felt the ANGER burning inside me like I did that day. Then third day I felt the complete opposite... very happy, optimistic, super giddy. I stopped it and didn't feel my normal self for about a week.

Now he thinks I'm bipolar and wants to put me on Lamictal or Depakote.

I think my OCD can't make me 'assured' that I truly have bipolar. I am very skeptical of medications... I feel like anything I would try would just cause more long-term damage than doing nothing. I don't want to be another pharmaceutical profit case.

Thanks for listening and your time with your replys. I do appreciate it!!

[thymage]

To add to the previous post about my medicine... My psychiatrist said I might not have had that reaction on Zoloft in high school or college because I was under 21... when the CNS in the body and all the neurons are still forming. After around 21, bipolar starts to show and SSRIs can have those affects on patients who have bipolar. So, he says his first guess at a diagnosis is bipolar and OCD (or one of the two..) and wants to try me on Lamictal or Depakote. He said we could try Anafranil for OCD if I wanted, and if I had the same reaction, it kind of points more towards bipolar.

Also, my dad had bipolar and possibly schizophrenia... and his dad died by suicide... both alcoholics. My grandmother on my mom's side was schizophrenic.

Originally Posted by thymage

Here's my story... maybe someone can help see if this might truly be bipolar? ocd? combination of the two? anyone have any similar stories that turned out to definitely be one of the two?

I saw a psychiatrist in November for possible mood issues and OCD. I've had major anxiety / depression issues since high school (self-harm during that time as well). That resolved, but in college I was diagnosed with OCD (couldn't touch unclean things, counting a lot, repetitive thoughts). I was put on Zoloft both times (high school and college) and it seemed to help. I have been off Zoloft for about 7 years.

About 2 years ago I started getting very irritated and moody. Mainly on the weekends it seemed to show more (or maybe because I was off work and my wife noticed more?) We have three little kids... and for someone with OCD that needs the house cleaned and picked up all the time, I feel like I can never relax. The irritability has gotten a lot worse. Sometimes, it seems to come out of nowhere... I snap at my kids and my wife, just want to go in a room by myself, and feel very sensitive (even my clothes bother me).

Very rarely (couple times a year), I feel almost 'high' for a few hours. I feel greatly happy, or uneasy. Feel like I need to run and just never stop. It only last a little while, then goes away. Last year was a very rough year for my family. I was very depressed for a few months. No energy, couldn't do much, drank a lot. Not sure if depression is from the crappy year we had that never stopped, or bipolar.

About a month ago, just one day, I felt like I felt a 'switch'. I felt like I needed to start exercising again, eating super healthy, drinking less. Goal was to lose a ton of weight. When I felt like I needed to do this, I felt very very motivated. Nothing was going to get in the way of it! I felt like I was already DAYS behind my goal and I needed to start right away. I was actually at work, so I did start exercising right away.

At the same time, I also began building my wife's website for her business. I used to build websites in high school, and I don't really like my job right now doing something in another career. So I made her website, and then began REALLLLLY looking into website coding, learning all the different codes.. HTML, Javascript, Jquery, CSS3, Bootstrap... all in the hopes of quitting my job soon and building websites for people. I actually asked several close local businesses if I could build their website pages for them. I offered to build my mother-in-law a page for her business. However, unlike what I read for bipolar symptoms, I never make any drastic purchases or go on spending sprees...

I coded all day. Got irritated when people interrupted me from coding and learning (at work or home). I remember waking up in the morning still thinking about coding. (Mind you, my sleep has been pretty good this whole time though... still get good sleep).

That intense drive for coding and website building lasted about a month. Now... eh. No real passion for it. I feel like.. eh about it. My drive for exercise is also down... don't have the same desire / goal to continue.

Does this sound bipolar-ish to you? just OCD? Both?

My psychiatrist put me on Zoloft 50 mg in Nov. First day I was on it was very brain foggy. Second day I was EXTREMELY irritable, VERY angry, wanted to get away from everybody, never ever felt the ANGER burning inside me like I did that day. Then third day I felt the complete opposite... very happy, optimistic, super giddy. I stopped it and didn't feel my normal self for about a week.

I think my OCD can't make me 'assured' that I truly have bipolar. I am very skeptical of medications... I feel like anything I would try would just cause more long-term damage than doing nothing. I don't want to be another pharmaceutical profit case.

Thanks for listening and your time with your replys. I do appreciate it!!

[Gabyunbound]

It's so hard to say... The only consistent thing to me that puts into question BP is that your high's only seem to last for 1 day and usually they need to last for a couple of weeks. Have you asked your pdoc if he/she thinks you're ultra rapid cycling? This is very unusual, but my understanding is that it exists.

As for OCD, having 3 small kids and OCD sounds maddening! Kids make messes and I can't imagine needing so intensely for things to be clean and neat in that situation and I can imagine it causing you irritability, anger, and even feeling really low.

The moods could be on a spectrum from normal reactions to difficult situations, all the way to the extremes of BP. I would mood chart including 1-10 how intense these moods are and how long they last. You could bring them to your pdoc and that might be helpful. You can also think of triggers that might be setting off these moods. It sounds like you're going through so much pain and I wish you the best.

[thymage]

Originally Posted by Gabyunbound

It's so hard to say... The only consistent thing to me that puts into question BP is that your high's only seem to last for 1 day and usually they need to last for a couple of weeks. Have you asked your pdoc if he/she thinks you're ultra rapid cycling? This is very unusual, but my understanding is that it exists.

As for OCD, having 3 small kids and OCD sounds maddening! Kids make messes and I can't imagine needing so intensely for things to be clean and neat in that situation and I can imagine it causing you irritability, anger, and even feeling really low.

The moods could be on a spectrum from normal reactions to difficult situations, all the way to the extremes of BP. I would mood chart including 1-10 how intense these moods are and how long they last. You could bring them to your pdoc and that might be helpful. You can also think of triggers that might be setting off these moods. It sounds like you're going through so much pain and I wish you the best.

When I look back over the past 6 months or so, I could see 2 instances where possibly I was hypomanic for a few weeks. I started psychotherapy in October. In my first session, she asked about my very early childhood and my parent's divorce. Within about 3 or 4 days, I became very very very driven to find information out about my dad. I do remember having a ton of trouble sleeping, I was going all over town to hospitals, doctors offices, police departments searching for information (ANY information) on my dad. I took time off work because there just wasn't enough time to do everything fast enough. I wanted all the information, and I wanted it NOW. I remember being very upset and determined for about 3 weeks.

Then, all the sudden, I came to a point where I was just 'done'. I was just... not motivated to find out any more information. My therapist asked me about it and she was like "You found out a LOT of information on your dad recently. Some of it was pretty disturbing... how do you feel?" and I told her "Eh. Not really on my mind anymore". Even though it was the ONLY thing on my mind, and DRIVING me to places and talking with people, etc etc... (mind you I have anxiety about being around people, or asking people to do things for me...).

So, hypomanic triggered by starting therapy and her asking about a traumatic experience in my early childhood? or just a very OCD person that finally 'had enough' and wanted to know more about his dad that he knew relatively little about?

Then a few weeks later I started those medications, went crazy for a couple days, then got off them.

Then I was on looking into political ideologies and 'fixing' things about our country. Watching documentaries, looking up political offices I might be able to hold, looking up and reading about American history. I was hoping I could find a political cause to join and quit my job. (I do hate my job and wish I could find another one, but doesn't everyone?) This lasted about 2 weeks.

Then I was 'on' mindfulness for about a week or two. My therapist recommended I try Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction for my anxiety. So I bought Jon Kabit-Zinn's book on MBSR and that's, well, about all I did for about a week or two. Read his book any chance I got, practiced the audio recordings for relaxation, thought about putting mindfulness into EVERYTHING in my day to day practices. Looked into if I could become certified to teach MBSR one day. Switched over to all non-alcoholic beers, reduced caffeine. I was going to FIX me! Then I read a small minor detail in the book that made me question the whole program. I was 'done' with the whole thing about the next day and never really tried it again.

Then, (this may be in the original post...), but about three weeks ago, something 'switched' in me one morning when I was at work. I just was VERY VERY motivated to get back into working out and exercising and eating right. I hadn't been for about a year. My wife always asked me If I would started being healthy again (I used to be VERY fit about a year ago, then crap started happening in our family and I lost it..). Even though I just had the idea to start working out... I felt like I was already 3 days behind and needed to work out RIGHT NOW. I did, right then. Right then, I didn't have any more crap to eat. I worked out religiously every day. Wished I could work out two or three times per day to get results faster. This lasted about 3 weeks, now... not so much interested. Drinking is up a little bit, don't care too much about what I eat. This was at the same time I was very driven to learn about creating websites and learning the web coding languages. So, is this someone that was just motivated to be healthy coupled with OCD that made it so strict? Or hypomania?

Are these all isolated instances of drive? All hypomania? It's hard to say with me being so OCD. But I feel like if I was just OCD, then I would just have some things I do all the time due to OCD (need to clean house, organize a closet just right or something). However, the fact that I can pick out these marked instances over the past six months does have be wonder if it may be bipolar related.

Your thoughts? Thank you, everyone!!!

Before meds.....everyone told me that I needed antidepressants because I looked like I needed them. I mean...when you are feeling good....who complains?

So I go get Wellbutrin for depression....I started getting happy and also more depressed which made them prescribe higher doses.....this happen a few more times to the point I was switching from highs to lows and back again...sometimes several times in an hour or so. It was crazy. I went to a pdoc who then put me on stabilizers (Lamictal) plus a small dose of Prozac to keep me out of depression and help control the highs.

Bipolar and antidepressants do not mix well. You get a med induced mania (hypo).

I spent 2 years in lala land because of this before finally receiving a stabilizer.

They are calling it med induced bipolar and trying to get it into the DSM....but if you ask me....it just exasperates it. No bipolar can take AD....or shouldn't.

On my worse days...I can get psychosis.....but mostly it's hypomanic which is bp2ish versus the bp1 they bestowed on me. Whatever....my meds are working now.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Bipolar and antidepressants do not mix well. You get a med induced mania (hypo)....
No bipolar can take AD....or shouldn't.

Some of us can do very well on ADs combined with mood stabilizers/APs. I was off ADs for several years after diagnosis but it was clear I needed one so I have been on them since. We just adjust my other meds or the dose of the AD to cover any problems that arise from the AD.