[Naynay99]

Hey. So I was just wondering why, when things seem to mostly be going okay,
perhaps a bit dull but overall good, that every once in a while I get this itch to do something I know is stupid, follow a bad idea, make a mess, basically self destruct a little bit.

Nothing huge. But it's like hey, seems like a good time to wreck my stability by do something i know will probably result in a future mess or suffering. Do I hate myself that much or do I just not care about consequences at the time??
Like getting totally **** faced drunk, hooking up with my ex, blowing $ I don't have on something dumb I don't need, etc.

Just wondering what the hell is wrong with me. Went out with a friend and had 7 beers; was feeling good at beer 3 and could have stopped then. but even as I was drinking the last two I knew I was being an idiot. And yet I sort of wanted to be irresponsible and reckless even though I knew I was going to feel ****** the next morning. Idk why I do this sometimes.

[usrname]

Nothing's wrong with you. Especially if you're bipolar and hypomanic, these are really common things for people to do. We're more impulsive and everything you listed is common (like I waste money when hypomanic and I have friends who binge drink a lot and everyone bipolar seems to sleep around lol)

I hope you can learn how to control it better and have better coping mechanisms etc but don't feel like there's something wrong with you because plenty of people do stuff like this. It can really hurt you though, and it worries me that you're drinking a lot and the way you're doing it. I'd definitely talk to a therapist about this and try to curb self-destructive behavior and make sure to limit alcohol in general (not good for mood disorders, can trigger episodes, dangerous with most meds), have safer sex and maintain healthy relationships, etc. The key to emotional stability with bipolar disorder is a stable environment, with consistent behaviors, sleep, exercise, food, meds, and so on. You know on one level what you need to do, you just need to work hard with a professional to enforce it

[Naynay99]

Hey usrname- thanks. I don't know for sure if I am bp. But I do know I do dumb **** like this sometimes. I can be impulsive, and I seem to always remember the good part about something but not the bad after effects. I am actually pretty good most of/some of the time at ignoring these self destructive feelings and being responsible. But sometimes I just don't care.

As for the drinking, thanks for the concern, but I almost never drink. Because I know that I enjoy it a little too much. I used to binge drink in college a lot but now a days that is a rareity for me. But even if it's not often, I know it was a few too many and I shouldn't be doIng that.
Anyway, have a good night.

[hahayeahtotallylol]

What's your question.

No one here can say what's wrong with you. Maybe you're just immature or in arrested development. Maybe you have SAD. Maybe you're very emotionally reactive.

Chances are, you don't know who you are, either. It is normal.

Go see someone who was trained to understand you.

[bioChE]

For what it's worth, I used to be self-destructive and act on impulses a lot. It's been helped a great deal by being properly medicated, but I still sometimes get urges to do something stupid. You're not alone.

[VanGore28]

I was self destructive in my mid teens. But I'm bipolar with schizo tendencies too or "schizoaffective" is the apt term. I slept with inappropriate people and got into risky situations that a girl in her right mind would never have done or the "me" when thinking clearly. I stopped caring about everything, I got drunk more nights than sober when I turned 18. If I hadn't been admitted because of an epic psychotic breakdown, I could easily have moved onto harder drugs, but it interjected. But the unsavoury characters that lurked around the psyche ward could also have led me down a dark path or one that I would never return i.e.6feet under.

Sorry to digress. But getting tipsy is not really that destructive. If you had got blind drunk, popped some pills and ended up the police cells for fighting that would be self destructive lol seven beers for a Scottish person is just a night in the house

But even getting legless sometimes is okay, as everyone needs to blow off steam. Of course getting drunk has the dreaded hangover the next day.

But yeah your exhibiting a typical bi polar attributes - blowing money when you cant afford it, sexual activities that you could do without that just muck up your equilibrium, and of course the drinking but you do say you don't drink that much anymore

Do you regret it when u hook up with your ex or are you just like, hey hes/shes me friends with benefits now?

But maybe your just going through a small crisis like a , I have to grow up at some point kind of one. Go speak to the GP anyways

[Unrigged64072835]

I was self-destructive for quite a while. I have stopped recently due to having a good med combo and a lot of therapy.

[Naynay99]

Hey. So I realize this was not really a qs, more me thinking aloud or asking myself why I sometimes do this. But thank you for sharing your own past destructive behaviors. It is helpful to hear others experience.
I know I'm not doing anything overly bad- just a little bit reckless I suppose. It's not like I'm doing meth or sleeping with a bunch of random people or dropping $1000s. When I hook up with my ex bf, at the time I don't regret it. But afterwards I feel a touch of self loathing bc I know it's a bad idea. It's complicated bc we still care about each other; but I also just really enjoying sleeping with him. I mean sometimes sex is just good fun.

I suppose it seems a little out of character to me bc I am usually prettty careful about making good decisions and being responsible. So I just wondered where the urge to rock the boat and mess things up comes from. Maybe it is a part of hypomania. Or maybe the responsible vesrion of me is out of character and this the real me and I only let her out rarely.

I just sort of assumed that when people were hypomanic and did dumb **** they didn't have the insight to know that what they were doing was a bad idea. It's like I know it's a stupid idea or behavior and sometimes just do it anyway, seeming not to care. Idk. I suppose i will discuss this and try to work on it with my T. Thanks.

[VanGore28]

well there's the missing part to the formula - the lack of insight at the time. It is like getting carried away . Afterwards the realisation hits and the guilt or shame sets in.
Yeah I think rocking the boat maybe could be a touch of self-sabotage, you know everything is going well, so i'll be reckless.....
Its normally harder for women to have casual relationships and not realise they actually have feelings underlying, I think guys are exactly the same but they just deny theirs. That's cool if your both in it for fun.
So, to sum up - focus on that lack of insight part, could be the tipping point