[franz kafka]

I'm meeting both pdoc and tdoc tomorrow, and I'm worried they'll want to have me admitted. Here's what's going on...

Right now I'm being stalked by a supernatural entity that has been charged with killing me by forcing me to kill myself. Basically it can put suicidal thoughts in my head and make me think they are my own thoughts. It's a robotic kind of creature, computer-like. It's just doing it's job. For the past few days I've been sensing its presence and seeing signs of it. My reality is surreal and distorted and it's possible I'm in an alternate reality. From time to time the creature makes me think about how I could kill myself, but until now it has mostly just flexed its muscles by showing its presence.

I've had this creature stalk me before and the outcome has usually been me hurting myself and ending up in hospital. I'm really worried that's the direction I'm going in.

I really don't want hospital. Do you think my docs will lock me up? I'm not actively suicidal, just afraid I will become that way.

[Moose72]

Just what you told us here is worrisome. I'd tell your drs about this. Whether or not they want you inpatient is not a worry right now.

[HALLIEBETH87]

Tell the truth honey. A hospital is safe. No one can make you hurt yourself there and they can save you.

[bizi]

print out what you wrote here and give this to them.
see where this takes you. definitely a med change is in order.
((((HUGS))))
bizi

[MtnTime2896]

While my situation is different, I was honest with my T today. We worked out a strategy to better help me through everything.

It's always better to be honest. They'll be able to help you. That's what matters.

[BipolaRNurse]

Being "locked up" isn't the worst thing that can happen when a person is in the kind of shape you're in. Listen to your caregivers and do what they recommend. Your life may depend on it.

((((HUGS)))) to you. Keep us posted.

[Wander]

I agree with the others. Tell your pdoc and/or T all you have told us and let them decide what is best to keep you safe. Things like this can escalate really quickly so it is best to get on top of it rapidly with meds and/or hospitalisation. No one wants to go to hospital but you will be thankful you survived if you are admitted and feel better after treatment. Let us know how things go.

[franz kafka]

No hospital, but docs are keeping a close eye on me. Meeting tdoc 2x this week and pdoc again next Tuesday. Pdoc also thinks I might have schizoaffective instead of just bipolar... not sure what I think of that yet.

[still_crazy]

I don't think there's a huge difference between Bipolar w/ psychotic features and the manic form of schizoaffective. The Sza diagnosis isn't all that great, anyway. Over time, your symptoms may mellow out to more of a mood disorder diagnosis (especially if you change doctors at some point). Treatment is basically what you're on now, so...I honestly don't even see that much of a point in changing the diagnosis. Maybe they'll use a different antipsychotic, or increase the dose? I dunno.

Don't worry too much. I'm glad you've been able to avoid hospitalization. Always a good thing.

I hope things get better for you.

[Wonderfalls]

I'm glad you've been able to avoid hospitalization. Always a good thing.

I don't know how seriously you meant that but avoiding hospitalization is definitely not "Always a good thing." Sometimes it's the only good choice there us. In this case it sounds like they're spending a lot of time and effort to avoid hospital but it doesn't mean they shouldn't consider it if things don't improve quickly.

[Unrigged64072835]

Glad you were able to talk to them and work something out. I hope the entity goes away soon.

[franz kafka]

Thanks, I hope it goes away too. It's still stalking me through the lights. I feel very exposed and I keep waiting for it to start making me think self-harm/suicidal thoughts. Actually I'm confused as to why it hasn't yet. Well... I mean it has, but barely. Nothing like it has in the past.

[bizi]

are you as honest with them as you are with us?
bizi

[franz kafka]

Originally Posted by bizi

are you as honest with them as you are with us?
bizi

Yes. I wrote my pdoc a very specific letter. I don't think what's happening is just "in my head" though so I have limited faith in his ability to do anything.

Hi. I'm glad you are wanting help.

Have you had opportunity to read your original post? Does the description seem reasonable. What are you gaining by not going to the hospital?

[franz kafka]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Hi. I'm glad you are wanting help.

Have you had opportunity to read your original post? Does the description seem reasonable. What are you gaining by not going to the hospital?

I haven't been in hospital since October, which is a long time for me. I don't want to lose that. I won't go until I absolutely have to. I hate hospital, but sometimes need it for safety.