Med Compliance Difficulty

So, I find it really hard to be med compliant. There are many reasons but this is one:

When I'm not fully stable (let's be honest, it's been a while), and I'm still somewhat medicated; I still suffer from the major depressive swings. Yet, the amount of medication I take is just enough to keep me from going too high and also very much limits my time up there. So, I only get so far and I'm an addict to a certain level because it feels so damn good after the depressive swings.

I think what you are experiencing is relatively common with BP Depression is hell and we crave hypo/mania so we fiddle with our meds. There have been a few times I have done this and also to increase hypomania as I am having so much fun. Today at least I want to be stable as the mixed state I am in that followed the hypomania is awful. From now I want to be med compliant and get off this rollercoaster. It is better to slowly get out of depression and hit stable than jump out of it into mania as in the end it bites you. Stay safe.