[Sue31]

Hi. I am a new member and would love some help. I have a spouse that is dually diagnosed bipolar wtih a chemical dependence (cocaine). I am dx'd with nothing nor do drugs. As with most people with bipolar, he has three children from two failed marriages and is quite succesful at his job as CEO of large company=stress. Spouse has played with many med combos over the years and has yet to find the right one. He is always tired, depressed and unmotivated. Currently he is on Depakote and Lamictal. We go to couples counseling one a week together. Here is my issue. IT is getting harder for me to stay with spouse depressed. It is hard not to take personally someone saying they are miseralbe or sleeping all day, not interested in sex. Spouse says he wants me there, but has no energy to work on our marriage. I would like to eventually have my own children. I have done everything from kiss his *** and try to make him to happy, to giving him ultimatitums. Currently, I am leaving him alone and not trying anything. I have little support system as my family and friends do not want me with a bipolar/drug addict divorced father of 3. FYI, he has been clean 140 days and goes to AA several times a week. Please please give me some advice as a spouse. I am finding myself depressed and losing my self interests b/c i am so worried about him. I am desparate for help.
Thank you.

[mydarlin]

I have a question...does the doc know that he is an addict?
So many people won't tell their doctors everything and that can impede progress.

[Rebound]

Before reading on, please understand this is not intended as criticism but merely to increase understanding. When you say he has "played" with many med combos you make it sound like it has not been a serious effort. It's important to understand that it can take many tries before finding a treatment that works since everyone reacts to medications differently. But it is equally important for him to see a doc regularly and stick to the prescribed regimen. Also, please try to understand that his depression is something over which he has no immediate control. Medication and therapy may help, but it's not something one can "just snap out of". I know how hard it is for you to be at the receiving end of this but it is equally hard to be him. The best advice I can give is to educate yourself about his situation and communicate your distress. You may find he is not wholly unaware of the effects the situation is having on you.

[onyx69000]

i am on the other end of your situation except no drugs for fun. marriage is for better or worse right now he's worse. it dose get better sound like he could use some cousling of his own and not just couples councling does he have a doc he sees regularly? thats important. the main thing is right now you have to be healthy to be able to help him not resentful that will never work. sounds like you love him try yo remmeber the reasons you fell in love with him. make time for just yoou two. i have three kids and its rough. no cake walk. please don;t take my frankness as bieng rude i just want to get my points accross to you in a seriouse way. feel free to pm any time like i said im on the other end of where you are maybe i could give you some insight. he's dealing with demonds of his own so don't feel that its you. thats important that you stay strong for the both of you. sorry so long -onyx

[darkeyes]

Just wanted to say that the statement you made, "As with most people with bipolar, he has three children from two failed marriages and is quite succesful at his job as CEO of large company=stress."
Using "most" is a huge generalization, I think "some" would be more fair to say.
This is a difficult time for you and/or your family, I feel for you and can relate somewhat, for I have a brother who has been through a lot, Bipolar was in "re-mission" for about 40yrs. until his pdoc suggest switching his mood stabilizer for health reasons, now my poor brother has been catapaulted back to where he was 40+ yrs ago, making his wife and his life a living hell.
With hope, now that he just demanded to be put back on his life long mood stabilizer and risk health condition, he'll be able to return to himself. Since last summer, when the change in med by his pdoc took place, my brother has been manic and now it has escalated to a horrible pitch.
I can't stress enough that not only does he seek professional care, but that you too seek some counseling or attend some sort of support group, many medical centers can direct you to some in your area.
His pdoc needs to be made aware of his illegal drug use, otherwise this situation will just go around and around, and not arrive at any positive direction, delaying potential treatment. Also, sometimes a person with Bipolar can be suffering with additional disorders, or may have been mis-diagnosed, this is a good reason to possibly get a 2nd opinion from another psychiatrist, if things just don't seem like they are meshing.
As you'll see replies to your postings from our great members, you may get some insight or at least some moral support during this difficult time.
So many situations like this are so individual, so what works for some may not work for others, but just want to encourage you to hang in there and seek professional help for yourself, it may be of great help to you while working through this.
Some members have made good suggestions, I believe in people educationg themselves about disorder(s) when afflicted or a friend/loved one is, is a great tool.
Above are some books listed, and on the internet a lot of helpful websites may be of help.
I'm wishing you lots of luck,strength and peace within.
Please take care,
DE
Stabilization can be a long, trying, process for the patient and loved ones, but is possible to accomplish.