[ajreacs]

Hey guys! It's late here and so I apologize if I'm not the most coherent in this. I have known something is wrong with me my entire life, but have never been able to work out what it is. Recently though, I had an aha moment that convinced me it could be bipolar disorder-- or at least bipolar tendencies. I have had a multitude of episodes of depression throughout my life. Really it only seems to take so much to plunge my mood way down, and then it seems impossible to bring it back up again. I also do have periods in which I'm much much happier, motivated, and excitable than usual. Since I can remember, every once in a while, I've had a day where I'm so incredibly excitable and erratic that all my friends notice. I've never minded this that much though-- it's always felt abnormal, but I don't mind being on top of the moon those days honestly. I am of course, not going to get all of my information from an online forum, nor am I asking for a diagnosis by any means. I'm just asking a few clarifying questions. (Don't worry about giving me professional opinions; I'll get those from professionals. Just speak personally, if you will.)
1. Are you periods of mania less recognizable than your periods of depression, or was it like that before you knew you had the disorder?
2. Did you doubt that you could actually have the disorder even when you heard about it earlier in life, or did you know quickly?
3. Were you put on antidepressants prior to your diagnosis that wrecked your normal mood patterns?
Any other helpful words of advice would be much appreciated. Sorry for such a long post! Thank you so much for reading!

[bioChE]

1. Yes. My mania was undiagnosed for a long time; I sought help for the depression.

2. I questioned my diagnosis for a long time. Occasionally I still do.

3. Yes, I was put on antidepressants and experienced "kindling" that made the hypo/mania worse.

[Trippin2.0]

1. Yes, myself and everyone else just thought I was a very daring crazyass extrovert (Risky behavior)

2. No, I kept a mood tracker and it was apparent how they fluctuated in quite an extreme manner, without any external triggers

3. Yes, I went a lil nuts and it was fun, but I doubt it made things worse long term. Personally I prefer to go without them though, so I am trying monotherapy

[rwwff]

Originally Posted by ajreacs

1. Are you periods of mania less recognizable than your periods of depression, or was it like that before you knew you had the disorder?
2. Did you doubt that you could actually have the disorder even when you heard about it earlier in life, or did you know quickly?
3. Were you put on antidepressants prior to your diagnosis that wrecked your normal mood patterns?

1. I think it started that way, but circumstance may have allowed that previous mania to just look like having lots of physical things that had to be done in fairly short order. The last one though... it was going "for the money" as it were, but I'd also promised myself to see a doc, so I went anyway, and she stopped it before I broke my life.

2. My depressions always got better in a reasonable amount of time, and bipolar people switch by the hour or day, right? A few months down, an occasional "ability" to work incredible hours with incredible levels of energy for a few weeks, that's just me being healthy and awesome! yes?

3. I've never been on an antidepressant. Kinda hope I don't have to use one. Most of the academic stuff I've read&watched gives me the feeling that half the problem is an AD making things worse, but the withdrawal effect making it very difficult to get the patient off. So, if I can end up on my stabilizer and maybe an AP for the paranoia, I think I can sleep discipline and CBT myself safely to the other side of the void.... (course, I'm still mildly 'up' so I might be overestimating myself again....)

fwiw, I am recently diagnosed, relatively old.

[jacky8807]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

1. Yes, myself and everyone else just thought I was a very daring crazyass extrovert (Risky behavior)

2. No, I kept a mood tracker and it was apparent how they fluctuated in quite an extreme manner, without any external triggers

3. Yes, I went a lil nuts and it was fun, but I doubt it made things worse long term. Personally I prefer to go without them though, so I am trying monotherapy

Hi trippin
So I know you were off meds for quite a while. What made you go back on? Do you go back to meds in severe episodes and then taper back off? I'm doing pretty good right now off meds but know it's possible I will use them short term in the future

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by jacky8807

Hi trippin
So I know you were off meds for quite a while. What made you go back on? Do you go back to meds in severe episodes and then taper back off? I'm doing pretty good right now off meds but know it's possible I will use them short term in the future

I hit a severe depressive episode and was encouraged to go IP, but it was more like an IOP, in that I got to roam around the facility and come home weekends. It was mainly to get some rest and recalibrate, get back into a routine (quite strict might I add) because the one i had, was screwed up by my job at the time. (Working shifts, erratic off days, double shifts etc)

Anyway, after two weeks the HOD said he couldn't let me stay there (its state so its free) if I didn't at least agree to taking one med, as he couldn't break the rules for me.

So I agreed to trying a small dose of a new MS.

I swore I would taper off as soon as I got out, but then I got a new job, and I figured I'd try working while medicated and see if it helps alleviate some of the strain. Maybe give it a year. It's almost a year and I honestly don't know if my job is just better because my employers and environment is very forgiving or if the meds help, or if its a combo. So atm I'm at a cross roads...

Haven't met my new pdoc yet (old one was in favor of the year trial since I did three years med free until that job drove me nuts), but who knows if new pdoc will agree with that sentiment.

The only med I use PRN is Ativan, maybe every 3 months when I feel my wires sparking. Lol

[xRavenx]

1. My periods of hypomania (in the beginning) where not as recognizable. Friends and people just thought it was my "crazy side," without really giving it much thought. My periods of actual mania though have been at least as recognizable, especially while in "Mixed Manic" episodes, where I tend to be in complete crisis mode, where everyone knows something is very wrong.

2. When I first heard about Bipolar, it sounded like me, but I did not want to believe it. I avoided reading at first since I was scared of having such a serious "label."

3. Without knowing that a previous Therapist had something written down in my records about having BP, I went to my primary care doctor for the first time to inquire about meds for the very first time when I was around 19. I told him I had a history of depression and anxiety. I failed to mention any mania or how I had experienced psychosis before. He did not ask many questions and prescribed me Zoloft. The episodes got worse, and then I ended up in a full-blown manic episode with psychosis. That was when I began to learn to accept I was Bipolar.

[Victoria'smom]

1. My periods of mania are recognizable if you're looking for it. The depression feels like I'm getting sick.

2. It was a yeah, I thought so moment

3. I became homicidal and almost hospitalized. I can't take an antidepressant without an antipsychotic.

[mossanimal]

I constantly question it and analyze my moods.. which probably makes it worse.

My first diagnosis (when I went to a therapist for depression).. like 7 years ago..was ADHD and I was given adderall. Which did nothing after the first couple of weeks. Yet for some reason I kept at it until last summer when I went in for depression again. This time they tried an AD and it kindled me right into the hospital for my bipolar diagnosis.