[CrystallineComatose]

hello everyone,

i'm new to this forum. i was diagnosed with bipolar 2 since 19 years old ,i am 25 years old and had one child.i want to ask does flashbacks have any associated with bipolar...? i have intrusive thoughts too, and wanted to kill ppl that hurts me during my childhood and teenagers time, and even imagine them.i also fantasize about my other "normal" life. few couple past days i told my husband that i wanted to kill myself ,i've never feel that way where i'm crying and hugged myself while searching for something that can kill me, i really want to do it until i snap myself and brought me to sleep. Frankly i have suicidal thoughts but i never behave this way,i just think of it and then it dissapear but this time it was different. furthermore, i'm having flashbacks of my abusive parents and terrible life ,it's like those screaming and yelling is right next to me then i tell those yelling to stop or i will scream back, mostly i'll burst in tears. for these few days i experienced this kind of smell that remind me of my past life and it's really bothering me ,sometimes those childhood memories that i don't remember suddenly just come across my mind too. i am really tired i didn't get enough sleep because of these matter. i acting so violent all i want to do now is to kill myself or ppl ,i always screaming and slamming doors hardly many times to release my anger.. I'm not on medication ,i can't take any meds because i will suffer heavy chest pain and suffocated hence makes me afraid to take them anymore. i just don't know what to do with my life.

[pirilin]

Hello CristallineComatose,
Welcome to PC bipolar forum.
I'm sorry you are going thru such a hard time. I think your best bet is a therapist or a pdoc. We are neither.
I've never being in your situation so, I personally won't be of any help.
Let's give your thread a bump. Someone more qualified will reply soon. Good luck.

[wildflowerchild25]

It sounds like you might have some post traumatic stress going on as well. If you're unwilling to try medication you need to at the very least find yourself a qualified therapist to help you deal with your trauma. I have heard newer treatments such as emdr (google it) are effective for ptsd. I do not and have not struggled with ptsd but it seems like that is really the bigger issue for you. It won't go away without therapy.

[Hobbit House]

Hello and welcome! I'm not a pdoc either so I'm not very qualified to give advice either. What meds have you tried? Many meds react differently with different people. This is something a pdoc could help with.. It took me a lot of time to get stable and sometimes needs tweeking still. Anyway... good luck

[CrystallineComatose]

Thank you for responding. I've heard of ptsd before but i was unsure if i had this illness until i was been told so .. I have ocd when im pregnant with my child ,and after gave birth i consult with my doc and she said that i had pospartum deppression . i am getting worst every year every age older .

For the therapist suggestion i'll definitely go for it..

Thanks again. Pardon my bad english sorry ��

You've been through so much and I'm sorry life has brought you so much pain. You deserve to feel better and deserve help. A therapist is a great suggestion. If you don't click with your therapist, don't be afraid to find a new one as you deserve to feel comfortable in the therapudic relationship (((hugs)))

[Leia78]

It does sound like you're experiencing symptoms of PTSD but only a professional can diagnose you. When memories of my childhood/teenage abuse started being triggered by situations, I would actually throw up along with the feelings of being terrorized again. Smells can trigger it, being touched or approached a certain way. And rage is not uncommon. Please try to see a therapist or doctor. You deserve to the help and you deserve to feel better. Whatever happened to you was not your fault and your reactions now aren't something you're doing on purpose, either. I hope you feel better.