[Flutterby11]

i am having a really hard time with something.... taking my meds i dont know why but it is really hard for me to keep taking them. i want to just stop and never have them again. i am finding this so difficult it shouldnt be but it is and i dont know how i can keep taking them.

[Flutterby11]

this is really bugging me it is too hard would it be a disaster if i just stopped taking it?

[bioChE]

Yes it would be a disaster. You've been through this before and ended up in the hospital.

[Flutterby11]

i know but is there a chance that maybe this time things would be ok without them

[bioChE]

No, I disagree. There's not a chance. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over again and expecting different results.

I know it's difficult to be on meds. The side effects suck and when we feel better the tendency is to want to get off the medications. However the fact is that history repeats itself. If you weren't doing well and are doing better on meds, keep taking them. If you feel changes need to be made, talk to your worker or doctor and come up with a plan to do that. If you don't, you're playing with fire.

[Flutterby11]

I guess. I think half the problem if I am honest is I feel guilty for taking them like I shouldn't have to take meds to deal with my problems like I am taking the easy way out and being lazy then there is the issue of wanting things to be natural without chemicals. Basically I just feel guilty for taking them because I feel like I should be stronger.

[IntentOnHealing]

You do realize that thinking you can go off your meds and believing that you'll be fine when you do is a super-common part of the disorder. Right?

Please don't stop, Flutterby, please.

I feel the same way about not wanting to do my yoga and meditation. I don't even know why! Maybe I'm afraid that if I do, I won't be able to keep everything I'm afraid of locked inside. And that's what happened yesterday. I did my asanas and breathing, and almost immediately started bawling from the guilt of what I did in my most recent mania.

Let's do it together. I REALLY need someone to keep me honest with that. Want to sort of buddy up?

Maybe someone already asked you. Idk. I'm in my phone, which I'm discovering is not the best way to view these forums. Plus, I'm still new enough to be clueless when it comes to navigating around here.

Let me know.

[Flutterby11]

I did not know that..... But I still feel like I don't need them. I don't even know why my brain just keeps telling me I don't need them like it was just a one time thing and it won't happen again. Like maybe I am actually fine and there is nothing wrong with me I can't stop thinking this

[IntentOnHealing]

Yes. It is part of the disorder.

You know what else? Mania and depression cause brain damage that your medications can protect you from. Unless of course you'd LIKE a heaping helping of recall problems, inability to organize, remember, or implement information, etc.

And you say "one-time thing!" Well...if you want to keep it that way, you should stay in your meds.

I'm no doctor, though I do think every patient has the right to be involved in the decisions about their treatment. So let's think about why you are being treated for bipolar. You had a manic episode, I take it? I say this because you can't diagnose someone as bipolar without the presence or history of at least one manic or hypomanic episode, although some clinicians will feel comfortable doing so based on your family history. Did you have a manic or hypomanic episode?

You may not be the best judge of that. We are notoriously ignorant of our own conditions when ill. So you'll need professional assistance especially since going off your meds is a medical process and decision you are not qualied to initiate. So how about these ideas you can do with your doc:

1. Write in detail about what happened that got you diagnosed. Try to include everything. It doesn't have to be "good." Just be as complete as possible. Then talk with your doc and/or therapist about how it compares to the DSM criteria for mania or hypomania. Do NOT skip this second part. Then...If the show fits, wear it.

2. Ask your diagnosing PhD why they put the Bipolar label on you and what they think about you going off your meds BECAUSE you think it will never happen again. Ask them if they agree. What they think would happen. How wise they think it is.

3. Remember every detail of what happened last time you tried to go off your meds. How you felt, what you were thinking, the specific actions you took that led to your hospitalization. You might even get those records and review them WITH your doc or therapist.

4. After you've done all those things and you still feel like you should go off your meds, write a list of reasons that support your going off and a list of reasons for staying on. Take both to your doctor. If s/he agrees that your diagnosis is incorrect or that this IS a one-time thing let her/him plan for exactly how you will safely get off your meds. Just stopping can--depending on what you're taking-- cause extremely harmful effects including seizures and death.

Did you notice that every one of these suggestions involves medical/psychiatric assistance?

I am personally hoping you won't go off your meds. I am thinking about your friend--who obviously cares about you and knows your history--and who saw how bad this decision turned out last time. I am hoping that if you decide it's the right thing to do, you do it with med/psych assistance and because you KNOW with complete certainty that the diagnosis is symptomatically and medically unverified/verifiable, not because you "feel" like this is a one-time thing.

All that said....please don't just go off your meds on your own. Please. You will be risking more than just an episode. You will be risking your life and future.

This is a HUGE decision that requires assistance, consideration, and education.

Good luck

[Flutterby11]

Originally Posted by IntentOnHealing

Yes. It is part of the disorder.

You know what else? Mania and depression cause brain damage that your medications can protect you from. Unless of course you'd LIKE a heaping helping of recall problems, inability to organize, remember, or implement information, etc.

And you say "one-time thing!" Well...if you want to keep it that way, you should stay in your meds.

I'm no doctor, though I do think every patient has the right to be involved in the decisions about their treatment. So let's think about why you are being treated for bipolar. You had a manic episode, I take it? I say this because you can't diagnose someone as bipolar without the presence or history of at least one manic or hypomanic episode, although some clinicians will feel comfortable doing so based on your family history. Did you have a manic or hypomanic episode?

You may not be the best judge of that. We are notoriously ignorant of our own conditions when ill. So you'll need professional assistance especially since going off your meds is a medical process and decision you are not qualied to initiate. So how about these ideas you can do with your doc:

1. Write in detail about what happened that got you diagnosed. Try to include everything. It doesn't have to be "good." Just be as complete as possible. Then talk with your doc and/or therapist about how it compares to the DSM criteria for mania or hypomania. Do NOT skip this second part. Then...If the show fits, wear it.

2. Ask your diagnosing PhD why they put the Bipolar label on you and what they think about you going off your meds BECAUSE you think it will never happen again. Ask them if they agree. What they think would happen. How wise they think it is.

3. Remember every detail of what happened last time you tried to go off your meds. How you felt, what you were thinking, the specific actions you took that led to your hospitalization. You might even get those records and review them WITH your doc or therapist.

4. After you've done all those things and you still feel like you should go off your meds, write a list of reasons that support your going off and a list of reasons for staying on. Take both to your doctor. If s/he agrees that your diagnosis is incorrect or that this IS a one-time thing let her/him plan for exactly how you will safely get off your meds. Just stopping can--depending on what you're taking-- cause extremely harmful effects including seizures and death.

Did you notice that every one of these suggestions involves medical/psychiatric assistance?

I am personally hoping you won't go off your meds. I am thinking about your friend--who obviously cares about you and knows your history--and who saw how bad this decision turned out last time. I am hoping that if you decide it's the right thing to do, you do it with med/psych assistance and because you KNOW with complete certainty that the diagnosis is symptomatically and medically unverified/verifiable, not because you "feel" like this is a one-time thing.

All that said....please don't just go off your meds on your own. Please. You will be risking more than just an episode. You will be risking your life and future.

This is a HUGE decision that requires assistance, consideration, and education.

Good luck

I didn't stop taking them before they just weren't working and I was told I had a manic episode. I am trying with everything I have to stay on my meds I really am it is just that my brain disagrees and it is really hard to keep taking them like I get what you are saying but my brain is just like nope wrong you are fine. This is really hard.

[IntentOnHealing]

Originally Posted by Flutterby11

I didn't stop taking them before they just weren't working and I was told I had a manic episode. I am trying with everything I have to stay on my meds I really am it is just that my brain disagrees and it is really hard to keep taking them like I get what you are saying but my brain is just like nope wrong you are fine. This is really hard.

Ugh! I hear you. At least I think I hear you. Your bigger font says, "frustrated and/or annoyed" to me. If I'm wrong about that, please ignore the response and/or let me know.

It's important for me to tell you that's what I'm reading because the rest of this reply is based on the whole "frustration" understanding. I have been struggling with interpreting social context for a while--since this depression started--so please bear with me if I'm a complete numbskull/totally off. Hope that--and what follows--makes sense.

Your situation IS really, really hard. Awful! And, as if just HAVING bipolar isn't enough in and of itself, you have meds crap, an argumentative brain, aaaand some ignorant chick (me) blabbering at you. I'm so sorry, Flutterby. I didn't mean to compound the situation/add to your frustration.

I wish there was something I could do to help. I'm going through meds changes right now myself so in a small way, and to some degree, I understand the part about the meds not working. Not much worse than those! Can I ask...is it depression, mania, side effects you're struggling with when you say they aren't working, or is it just mostly the whole issue with your brain saying you're fine?

I'm sending love healing vibes your way.

[Flutterby11]

Originally Posted by IntentOnHealing

Ugh! I hear you. At least I think I hear you. Your bigger font says, "frustrated and/or annoyed" to me. If I'm wrong about that, please ignore the response and/or let me know.

It's important for me to tell you that's what I'm reading because the rest of this reply is based on the whole "frustration" understanding. I have been struggling with interpreting social context for a while--since this depression started--so please bear with me if I'm a complete numbskull/totally off. Hope that--and what follows--makes sense.

Your situation IS really, really hard. Awful! And, as if just HAVING bipolar isn't enough in and of itself, you have meds crap, an argumentative brain, aaaand some ignorant chick (me) blabbering at you. I'm so sorry, Flutterby. I didn't mean to compound the situation/add to your frustration.

I wish there was something I could do to help. I'm going through meds changes right now myself so in a small way, and to some degree, I understand the part about the meds not working. Not much worse than those! Can I ask...is it depression, mania, side effects you're struggling with when you say they aren't working, or is it just mostly the whole issue with your brain saying you're fine?

I'm sending love healing vibes your way.

well i am still depressed and twice as anxious on the meds that and the meds make me feel sick physically and give me hand tremors and horrible bouts of dizziness i dont know if i can take the side effects but also my brain just keeps telling me i am fine and dont need the meds it is a lot of things i am also very scared of long term effects of taking medication i dont know what to do.

[KristenRenee]

[QUOTE=Flutterby11;5566468]i am having a really hard time with something.... taking my meds i dont know why but it is really hard for me to keep taking them. i want toff ao just stop and never have them again. i am finding this so difficult it shouldnt be but it is and i dont know how i can keep taking them. [/QU
Hi there. I was just wondering what makes you want to stop taking your meds
? Are they not working for you, or do you feel so much better now that you think you don't really need them? I was just curious because i know what happens to me personally when i stop taking mine. I'm a basket case. i definitely know when I don't take mine I can't function too well and go through bad withdrawals that are no fun at all. It took me awhile before the doc found which ones were for me but now that I'm on the right ones, i never want to get off them again. Good luck to you what you feel is right. just be careful.

[Flutterby11]

[QUOTE=KristenRenee;5568482]

Originally Posted by Flutterby11

i am having a really hard time with something.... taking my meds i dont know why but it is really hard for me to keep taking them. i want toff ao just stop and never have them again. i am finding this so difficult it shouldnt be but it is and i dont know how i can keep taking them. [/QU
Hi there. I was just wondering what makes you want to stop taking your meds
? Are they not working for you, or do you feel so much better now that you think you don't really need them? I was just curious because i know what happens to me personally when i stop taking mine. I'm a basket case. i definitely know when I don't take mine I can't function too well and go through bad withdrawals that are no fun at all. It took me awhile before the doc found which ones were for me but now that I'm on the right ones, i never want to get off them again. Good luck to you what you feel is right. just be careful.

there are lots of reasons side effects are a big one but also i just feel like i dont really need them. i have always wanted to find ways to manage without medication anyway but i guess right now the urge to stop them is just really intense.

[IntentOnHealing]

I don't know how long you and your doc might have been trying different medications, but I do know that it's really hard to find the right combination. Especially since it can take weeks or months to know if the meds work, weeks or months to discover side effects, weeks or months to have those side effects go away--if they do at all. And then there's the issue with the fact they give you meds for the side effects, right? That's what they do for me anyhow. It totally stinks. I'm sorry you're going through this.

I was just looking down further in the thread and saw that you feel like you should be stronger. Strong enough to not need meds. I know that feeling, remember feeling like it was a maturity issue or a character thing. I wish it were that simple. I hate the comparison docs and support groups have given me when I told hem I was feeling like that. They say: "You wouldn't say that if you had diabetes. This is just like that. If it were diabetes, you'd take your insulin" or something like that.

While this might be true if I had diabetes, that doesn't change the fact that accepting that you have any disease is a huge process--and one we have to go through over and over sometimes. I don't know if that's what's you're going through right now, but just some thoughts.

Hope today is better.

[Flutterby11]

Just the whole thing is hard it would be easier if I didn't have to deal with all of this but I guess that is not my destiny