[Direction]

Even though I post a lot it is usually in response to someone else's post...

I hurt so much inside...it hurts so...I don't know that I can express more than that know...

Wishing I could be more expressive to let everyone know how it hurts...what hurts...it's sad not to be able to express myself...

You all seem to be able to do it with what appears like ease...to what I feel...Stuff it in because I know what to do...just don't want to do it...so I just keep stuffing and stuffing everything in...it's like a numbness comes over me...paralyzed into doing nothing...

I constantly feel like a fraud...like a hyprocrate...like I constanlty am masquerading...one day it will call come crashing down and people will see the real me...and find that I'm loathsome, uncaring, egotistical, a complete and utter fraud that lied to everyone...

[mydarlin]

You are not the only one who has trouble expressing your feelings. I also have trouble expressing my feelings. I know that sometimes I look at this forum as an avenue to say stuff that I wouldn't normally say to anyone because I am anonoymus to all of you. No one really knows me on here and I can say things that I wouldn't normally say. I know that I say so much on here that no one...not even my T knows...it is ashame that we are not more expressive. I think the reason that we are this way is because we have learned to disguise or detach from our real feelings and masqared as someone who is not really the real person inside. I know that I have done that to the point that it feels like it is normal not to say what I am feeling...I just keep it inside so I don't rock the boat with anyone. My T says that I might be sinking the boat instead....Any how ...I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.

[bipolar_bear]

It is very scary to put yourself "out there" to everyone. I can understand that. Maybe you can do a little at a time? I am sure everyone would like to get to know you in more detail. It sounds like you are very critical of yourself and you may find that others see you in a different light. Maybe it is you that is shining through to us and your perception is a bit skewed? I hope you find in yourself the ability to let others glimpse you even if a little at a time. Take care and we will be here when you are ready to share.

BB

[dreamrunner]

I never reveal the stuff to people in person of what I post in this forum.
If you knew me in person Im actually pretty tight lipped about stuff.....esp feelings.I drove my T crazy because of it Im sure
Just cause you cant express your feelings that doesnt make NOT own them...you still FEEL them right?
Your not a fraud or a hippocrate.....and the wall eventually WILL come down....and people will see that your sensitive,compassionate and above all Human with flaws just like thier own.
I always thought showing emotion was a flaw...never let the bad guys see you down right?Then I had children and I seen that hey needed to learn that sensitivity is important.We apply these rules to our children but not to ourselves.Something to think about.
Good luck Direction

Direction,

My heart and soul lies with you tonight..

Mark

[debbie_tabor]

((((((Direction))))))

[onyx69000]

YOU EXPRESSED YOUR SELF VERRY WELL! MY THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS ARE WITH YOU. HOPE YOUR HAVING A GOOD DAY. SOME AGONY ONLY LASTS A FEW DAYS . YOU'LL COME OUT OF IT. WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU. WE ARE OUR OWN WORST ENEMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-ONYX

[Mouse_]

((Direction)) Your not a fraud just because you post positive posts to others, whilst feeling the complete oppersite yourself. Your just trying to work your way through your own stuff the best way you can. Its ok to feel like a hypercript at times, sometimes life is just like that.

[jattitude74]

I find you amazing, everybit of advise you have ever given to me has always helped. there is nothing wrong with wanting to be possitive for someone else. i understand how hard it is to get out all you feel, i post very rarely only when i need to feel conected to the outside world,sounds kind of selfish when i put it that way,but i am new to bp and anxiety and ocd,so i look to people like you for comfort, advice any response to know that things will be ok...i am sorry that you are having such a hard time and i wish i knew exactly what to say to help...my heart is with you, hope all is well soon...Jen

[Direction]

Jen ... I think you said it...no need to know what exactly to say...just that you said it...thank you