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#1
May 09, 2017, 08:58 PM
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My mom told me I called her boasting that I was driving nearly 100 miles an hour on the express way and that she coaxed me into the slow lane way behind any car with no music playing. I have NO recollection of this. My pdoc tells me I paced in her office for 45 mins straight. I remember that this happened but can't remember doing it. I had to ask my mom what I was doing when things got so bad because I had no memory. She told me I had to leave work and again, I had NO idea. I was sick for 2 days because of meds. I remember that I vomited but I don't remember it actually happening and my mom says I couldn't even stand up which I can not recollect at all.
Has this ever happened to anyone else? I am so afraid guys...I am so afraid that I will end up in a state hospital lost and confused for my life. I feel like dying.
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***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
 Anonymous59125, Sunflower123, Wander, Wild Coyote
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#2
May 09, 2017, 09:07 PM
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My memory is crap. I'm not surprised when I do or say stuff I don't remember but maybe that was why your keys were taken away? It doesn't mean you'll be lost and confused forever. It's good they can talk to you and it you're concerned that means you're getting better.
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Dx: Me- SzA Husband- Bipolar 1 Daughter- mood disorder+ Comfortable broken and happy "So I don't know why I'm tongue tied At the wrong time when I need this."- P!nk My blog |
| Anonymous59125, Wild Coyote
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 cashart10
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#3
May 09, 2017, 09:12 PM
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Yes, my memory is bad during psychosis and people tell me I said or did things that I cannot recollect as well. I relate very much to your fear, panic and utter terror about the possible future when considering all the symptoms you know you experience. I relate to the worry of not coming out of it. Just think back to the times you have. As you improve, make notes of what you did and how it helped or hurt. This will help you form more concrete Game plans to combat episodes going forward. It will serve as a concrete reminder that you do make it through these hard times and see better days. I too went through a terrifying experience recently and I'm still battling symptoms now. My husband kept promising me it would improve and to just keep taking meds and staying in contact with my doctor. I didn't believe it would get better but I listened and guess what...things are definitely improving. They will for you too Cash. Please hang on Hun....please keep the faith. We are here for you.....your family loves you. It will be ok. Go easy on yourself and try not to focus on the future at all right now....there is plenty of time to worry later. Right now just be kind to yourself in the moment. Sending lots of positivity your way. (((Hugs)))
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| Wild Coyote
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| BeyondtheRainbow, BipolaRNurse
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#4
May 09, 2017, 09:20 PM
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Quote:
__________________
***** Every finger in the room is pointing at me I want to spit in their faces then I get afraid of what that could bring I got a bowling ball in my stomach I got a desert in my mouth Figures that my courage would choose to sell out now Tori Amos ~ Crucify Dx: Schizoaffective Disorder |
| Anonymous59125, Wild Coyote
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#5
May 09, 2017, 11:23 PM
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I forget a lot of what happens during my mania. Sometimes I remember it happening but it feels like forever ago and it's all blurry. I don't remember much of my time in psychosis.
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schizoaffective bipolar type PTSD generalized anxiety d/o haldol, prazosin, risperdal and prn klonopin and helpful cogentin |
| Wild Coyote
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| halus1
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#6
May 10, 2017, 01:09 AM
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I get what I call manic blackouts---I simply don't remember a lot of what I did or said during mania. I hate it because someone's always there to remember for me.
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DX: Bipolar 1 Anxiety Tardive dyskinesia Mild cognitive impairment RX: Celexa 20 mg Gabapentin 1200 mg Geodon 40 mg AM, 60 mg PM Klonopin 0.5 mg PRN Lamictal 500 mg Levothyroxine 125 mcg (rx'd for depression) Trazodone 150 mg Zyprexa 7.5 mg Please come visit me @ http://bpnurse.com |
| Wild Coyote
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| halus1
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#7
May 10, 2017, 04:49 AM
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I lose most things that happen during an episode. I have entire years I barely remember or remember as bits and pieces that aren't a coherent story. I try to take a lotof pictures to help me remember.I also try very hard to not forget things with my nieces. That means I re-tell stories over and over and I'm sure my mom wants to clobber me but I need those memories to stick.
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Bipolar 1, PTSD, GAD, OCD. Clozapine 250 mg, Emsam 12 mg/day patch, topamax 25 mg, ,Gabapentin 1600 mg & 100-2 PRN,. 2.5 mg clonazepam., 75 mg Seroquel and 12.5 mg PRNx2 daily |
| Wild Coyote
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#8
May 11, 2017, 01:42 PM
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In my worst episode, I have lost time (no recollection) due to dissociating.
At least some of this is due to my C-PTSD. Yet, it sounds like others experience this sometimes with BP.  WC |
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