[Wild Coyote]

I have many strikes against me, both psych diagnoses and other painful physical medical diagnoses. It's been a long haul. Over 30 years of disability and all of the difficulties that brings.
I have been very strong, I know, to have made it thus far.

I have been trying to survive another nasty depression. BP-II. Other conditions are under control. It's the severe depression that is out-of-control. The depressive episodes are both lengthy and severe.
I feel like I'm now all "pumped up" on stimulating meds and it seems to not be helping enough. (I will revisit med options with my pdoc.)

We have important projects scheduled for this summer, with very real deadlines, and we are already falling behind because I cannot do my part.

My "household" has been very understanding and patient; yet, they are now showing signs of getting discouraged. It's usually my job (I take it on) to keep them up and hopeful. I am usually available/ready to pick up the pieces and move on by now. I am, when not ill, a leader. I have a lot to do with the morale here. I've kept them very informed of all I'm trying in order to recover.

How do I help them to have any hope when illness is so chronic?
How do you help your family/household to not get terribly discouraged?

Thanks, ahead of time, for any response.

WC

[vjdragonfly]

I'm so sorry you are going this right now WC. You are strong, I have seen it in your other posts. I believe you can get through this, it just takes time. Sending uplifting vibes your way.

[Wild Coyote]

We all have to be strong people or we would not survive, I feel.
It's possible/likely we are maybe stronger than those around us, because of what we live through.

We may struggle to hold onto hope for ourselves.

How do we help our families/households to hold on to hope?


WC

[Victoria'smom]

I try to do little things "your special" for my husband no matter my mood. I remind them this wont last forever. My husband is upset seeing my mobility decrease rather drastically, eventually I will be in a wheelchair permanently. I think keeping him informed helps him not be so scared. There's not a lot I can do to cheer them up about that. Distraction of a board game, movie helps. Days I feel well I make sure I do more.

[jacky8807]

I wish I had an answer but truth is I don't.
I just want to support you. you are such a supportive presence here I can only imagine how you uplift you family when you are well!
I try and fake it for the kids but that's not always possible.
like even if I was dead in bed all day staring at a wall, right before they came home from school I would crank music and start to bake something for them.
sigh I don't suggest faking it either. that's not fair to you.

i just hope this episode goes away for you

You are such an inspirational person WC. You have given me hope on more than just a few occasions. You give me hope just knowing that people like you exsist in this world which can feel so bleak and full of people without compassion. I can see you are a leader and one I'd gladly follow and I assure you I don't feel this way about too many people. I'm neither a leader nor a follower but I do relate to being the person most responsible for morale sometimes. Lately it's been my husband and son keeping my morale up....they do it simply by seeing the real me beyond the illness....by reminding me how much I'm loved and appreciated just for being the person I am. They do it simply by being their authentic, beautiful selves. I'm crying as I write this because I'm just so grateful to have such beautiful people in my life. I can honestly say that I do the same for them....I see the real them, I truly know, love and appreciate who they are and I show and tell them often. That is all it really takes to keep hope and morale alive I think. All else is secondary. Be kind and loving to yourself and ask for help when you need it. You know you'd gladly help others and you deserve the same in return. I read in the update thread and understand you are struggling and I'm so sorry. Don't be hard on yourself. Much love to you and yours.

[franz kafka]

It's hard when you're usually the one motivating others and you're struggling with depression. I guess the best thing is to take things one day at a time. Do what you can do, and forgive yourself for what you cannot. Be kind to yourself, and that will help you care for your household.

[hopeless2015]

WC you give so much support here as well. It's ok to step back and ask for help once in awhile. You deserve it!! Sending big hugs your way.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having such a terrible time. I wish I had some great advice to give you as you've always been an inspiration and given support to so many others. I don't know except to remind your household that you've been through these before and that you will eventually come out of it. Please be gentle and compassionate with yourself and take it one baby step at a time. You're not alone. So many people on this forum care about you. I hope you start feeling better and get back to leading soon.

I think you just keep fighting. As long as you are fighting there is hope. Rest assured you will get through this.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl

I think you just keep fighting. As long as you are fighting there is hope. Rest assured you will get through this.

Thanks. I feel this is true and when I read it a lightbulb went on.
They may be feeling discouraged because they sense I'm discouraged.
My state has an impact, of course.

I'm still processing responses. Thanks everyone. I am touched.

WC

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl

I think you just keep fighting. As long as you are fighting there is hope. Rest assured you will get through this.

I agree with this and it brought tears to my eyes because of the truth of it. I always tell my family I'm fighting and will make it out...even when I don't believe it I tell my kids I promise I will get better. My son told me yesterday how happy he that I'm doing so much better. He asked me why the nicest people are the ones to get mental illness. I'm crying just thinking about it.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

I agree with this and it brought tears to my eyes because of the truth of it. I always tell my family I'm fighting and will make it out...even when I don't believe it I tell my kids I promise I will get better. My son told me yesterday how happy he that I'm doing so much better. He asked me why the nicest people are the ones to get mental illness. I'm crying just thinking about it.

My mistake was I'd started being honest and had told DH I "didn't know If I am going to ever get out of this depression." I don't usually talk without hope.

Big mistake, it seems.

WC

[bioChE]

My family doesn't respond well to hopeless comments either. I think I spend so much time and energy masking symptoms that the normal me they see is a very different normal me that is in my head. I always try to be positive. When I do let the errant hopeless comment slip, it's often met with denial or shrugged off.

Not trying to complain, just empathizing with your situation.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by bioChE

My family doesn't respond well to hopeless comments either. I think I spend so much time and energy masking symptoms that the normal me they see is a very different normal me that is in my head. I always try to be positive. When I do let the errant hopeless comment slip, it's often met with denial or shrugged off.

Not trying to complain, just empathizing with your situation.

It's tough to always be positive if/when we are going through months of a truly grueling depression. We must mask it for those closest to us, too, it seems.
I can see both points of view -- tired of masking on the one hand and family being scared/discouraged if we don't.


WC

[bioChE]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

It's tough to always be positive if/when we are going through months of a truly grueling depression. We must mask it for those closest to us, too, it seems.

I can see both points of view -- tired of masking on the one hand and family being scared/discouraged if we don't.




WC

Yeah, the masking, be it a lot or a little, helps those around us cope. I figure if I'm slated to be miserable, the least I can do is try to minimize its impact on those closest to me.

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

My mistake was I'd started being honest and had told DH I "didn't know If I am going to ever get out of this depression." I don't usually talk without hope.

Big mistake, it seems.

WC

WC, I told my husband the same thing. I think we have to be able to be honest with our partners, otherwise the relationship isn't worth beans. I was very sick though....if it's a small depression or something tiny that regular folks deal with them being Pollyanna 24/7 is a realistic option. My husband says he is grateful that he can use his skills and love to help me and doesn't mind that I'm honest with him.....which is good since I don't have the clarity sometimes to even try to be my best self. My family is understanding thank goodness. They are genuinely kind people and that matters. My son deals with mental illness also so I get it from both sides (being the bystander and the person afflicted) I see this horrible disease from all angles. (((Hugs to all those who suffer or care for someone afflicted)))

I would never want my son to lie about how he's feeling. People die that way.

There is a poor homeless lady who screams non stop in my neighborhood for people to get off of her. I think it would be rather pathetic for someone to say "suck it up lady and stop driving the people around you crazy". While I'm very much a person who tries to keep my madness from effecting others, it's almost killed me trying and is very unrealistic when dealing with severe episodes. I also don't go around assuming that other people don't try to not effect their families so I will admit this thread is feeling a bit strange to me. I know, I know....it's my guilt talking.

[Fuzzybear]

[Naynay99]

Good topic

[Unrigged64072835]

My husband has MS, so we're basically each other's cheerleaders. So far his disease hasn't progressed much, but it's always there. Same as my MI: I might be stable but it's not necessarily a permanent state. We're enjoying the time that we have.

It's harder when people expect you to be well or get better. My husband and I understand that there's going to be highs and lows. It can still be tough at times.