[vjdragonfly]

feel like the only way to get by is to keep a buzz. Life is so hard and I want to be numb. I feel better when I'm drunk or high. I know it is a bad thing but I can't stand life as it is. Does anyone else feel this way? I just can't cope with day to day. I can't just lay in bed cause I have stuff I have to do, so what is the alternative. I just don't want to feel anymore.

[Wild Coyote]

I was never one to drink much or to get high, etc.
However, approx. 2 years ago, I was in a deep agitated depression and I'd started drinking. Irish Whiskey. I drank a lot. I did not tell my pdoc for 4 months. (I see him every week. Secrets. Not good.)
I did not want to be drinking; yet, I'd needed the numbing effect.
As soon as I told my pdoc, he told me I was under-medicated. He'd then increase my meds. I do not crave drinking at all. I go to pubs and never drink.

I do understand the craving for a buzz or numbness.
I was relieved by a med increase.

WC

[Fresia]

I used to have a lot of days where I did not want to feel anymore and did some drastic things to make the feelings go away. I was on a very self-destructive path.

Meds helped as did therapy, and though they did not make the feelings go away, they did make life tolerable with better coping skills for me and easier to live day to day. I also found other ways to channel my energies and feelings making life more interesting and not so taxing.

There are other options. I hope you find something that works better for you.

[Moose72]

I've done that a few times with alcohol or Vicodin. But never habitually.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. There was a period where I was drinking to self-medicate and it was somewhere between infrequent and more than usual so not overly much. My pdoc knew about it and just reminded me that in the short term it might help but long term it would make things worse. I kind of just gradually stopped. Some days when I'm having a really stressful time, I will have a glass of champagne but not very often. What about making an appointment with your pdoc to go over your meds?

I know the feeling you describe. Luckily i live with people here who would kick me out if i so as even took a drink or did drugs but i want to. when we go to weddings or whatever it feels good to drink enough to take the pain away. I've posted at a lot of sites asking if there's a way to get numb without drugs or alcohol. The only answer i ever got was a therapist person who said to practice mindfulness and meditations for this.

[raspberrytorte]

For a long time in my early twenties I self medicated with
alcohol. I understand the feeling. For me it didnt end well though. I hope you feel better soon.

I cannot imagine getting myself into a more altered state than I am when I am on my medication. I say "altered" because it does make me feel different and limits my anxiety. Whether that is regulation or moderation I don't care, it's changing the natural flow my mind and body take.

I've only ever had alcohol once in my life and I thought the taste was awful. I got a secondary high from people who were smoking marijuana next to me while a friend and I played video games. They didn't stick around long though, so it wasn't like I was breathing in something for more than a minute. I did feel a "buzz" afterwards.

[benzenering]

I can sympathize...I drink to numb out, and get high too. I drink often, and alot, and have for years. My counselor says I'm blessed with a strong liver. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Yesterday, I finally consented to go to a SMART meeting. Maybe that will help? It will be hard to break a long standing habit...not sure I want to.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

I was never one to drink much or to get high, etc.

However, approx. 2 years ago, I was in a deep agitated depression and I'd started drinking. Irish Whiskey. I drank a lot. I did not tell my pdoc for 4 months. (I see him every week. Secrets. Not good.)

I did not want to be drinking; yet, I'd needed the numbing effect.

As soon as I told my pdoc, he told me I was under-medicated. He'd then increase my meds. I do not crave drinking at all. I go to pubs and never drink.


I do understand the craving for a buzz or numbness.

I was relieved by a med increase.



WC

Going through the exact same issue. Being sober scares me and my anxiety goes through the roof. I just don't know how to cope right now.

[Naynay99]

While I don't drink much anymore I can relate.
I hope you find some relief soon. Hang in there.

[vjdragonfly]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. There was a period where I was drinking to self-medicate and it was somewhere between infrequent and more than usual so not overly much. My pdoc knew about it and just reminded me that in the short term it might help but long term it would make things worse. I kind of just gradually stopped. Some days when I'm having a really stressful time, I will have a glass of champagne but not very often. What about making an appointment with your pdoc to go over your meds?

The earliest I can see him is the 30th of this month. I can call the nurse line and sometimes my pdoc will make changes on my meds. I just got out of IP a couple of weeks ago and they did a LOT of med changes. I guess it just hasn't been enough time to work. At least that is what I am hoping.

When I'm very unwell I feel this way. Like I need a great deal of constant sedation to make it through. When stable I don't wish to be numb or high. I hope you find stability.

I remember being extra sad one day and started looking through my peripheral vision for some reason because it felt good. Within seconds I had this complete numb feeling sweep over my entire body that lasted about 10 minutes. I sure would like to know what caused it and how to get it back. Best feeling ever!!

Originally Posted by unreality

I remember being extra sad one day and started looking through my peripheral vision for some reason because it felt good. Within seconds I had this complete numb feeling sweep over my entire body that lasted about 10 minutes. I sure would like to know what caused it and how to get it back. Best feeling ever!!

If you figure it out, share the deets. Like a form of meditation perhaps. (((Hugs)))