Why I am truly an idiot...

I sent my pdoc a rational email with a routine update to our appt this thurs. I followed it up with this nonsense:

Also...and this is the part of the email that has not been edited by my mother
my mom so please don't tell her I am sending this part
But I am out of my mind. Like 15 kinds of crazy. Breathing delusions in and out
and an altogether manic lunatic *****. I want to ditch my meds I
Could spew them from my stomach. Whew!

Seriously how ignorant can one person be? I actually have to see this person on Thurs. I am such an embarrassment.

Sorry to have been blowing up the boards lately btw...things have been rough.

You did nothing wrong or abnormal. You are supposed to tell your pdoc how you feel and what you are experiencing or they can't help you. You did the right thing. Really.

Also, you can post as much as you need to; you know that nobody is bothered by that. And I don't think you are posting that much anyway.

Thank you BTR!

It's good you sent that even if it is embarrassing. 6ou need to be as honest as you can with everyone on your treatment team.

I also think it's good you sent that, even though I can understand feeling self conscious afterwards. It's hard to let on how we are really feeling.

I don't think you are an idiot at all....just unwell. I sent my doctor some strange emails recently too I think. Lots of emails compared to my normal which is very few. It's embarrassing but I'm sure I'm far from his only patient to do this and I doubt my email is the strangest he's gotten by a long shot. Don't worry, your doc has seen it all I bet. You are just unwell, not stupid. (((Hugs)))

I don't want to sound trite or inconsiderate........but laugh it off. It was funny......"spew" from your stomach? That's straight gold! And nothing you probably wouldn't have said in person anyway. I once told my p-doc I was afraid I was going to end up in jail because I was "ready to knock someone's block off". I'm sure that raised a red flag or two.

In the annals of crooked verbiage, we're on the low end of the scale. Remember when Joe Namath was on TV and he said "I wanna kisssssshhhh you" to a reporter. Now that was embarrassing.

In short, don't take it too seriously. To me, it was a standard rant that anyone could have penned.

If it helps at all, once my pdoc was going to be at the same place where I was seeing my therapist but she didn't have time to see me. I was really, really manic. She told me to write down how I was doing. I wound up scrawling this 2 page thing but my thoughts were racing so much that it was full of arrows pointing to illegible notations in the margins, so many they were overlapping.

Nobody was happy with this for some reason and I wound up on more meds..........I'd forgotten all about it until something reminded me the other day. At the time I was too manic to understand why anyone was bothered by it but later I realized what I had asked her to read and was so embarrassed.

You did nothing wrong.

We are here to support one another through the tough times.
It's all just fine.

WC

it's good for them to get true insight into what you are going through.
you are not alone in this trust me.
I would have many cringeworthy stories if my pdoc actually did email just put it that way
keep posting

I support you being open and honest on how you are feeling with your doctor. It can be difficult, regardless of what you are going through, to share your true feelings on a subject.

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Please don't be embarrassed. Your pdoc needs to know how you're doing. Your email will be helpful. As Wild Coyote said we are all here to support each other. It doesn't matter how much you post. I hope you start feel better soon. Thinking of you....