[mossanimal]

Hi folks.. It's been awhile. Mostly because since going on Abilify I've been feeling great. But my father died recently (he was 77 and was in relatively poor shape) and I feel like depression is starting to settle in. So I'm wondering how other bipolars react to this sort of thing. My initial reaction was pretty flat.. and now I'm wondering if that was because of the mood stabilizers. But now I'm starting to descend. It doesn't FEEL like grief in terms of getting super emotional when thinking about my dad even though that happens sometimes.. but without tears. It feels so similar to the beginnings of other depressions I've had. It's been a week since his death.

Another thing that was an eye opener was meeting up with my half-sisters and nieces and nephews at the funeral. Turns out that one of my half-sisters (went to drug rehab in her 20s) was diagnosed with ADHD (at age 50), and two of her kids (in their 20s) are experiencing what seems like bipolar disorder. My niece was hospitalized for psychosis after 4 weeks of not being able to sleep due to what was presumably anxiety. And my nephew had a bad depression last year and when I talked to him about it and I asked him if he had ever experienced mania.. he described periods of low sleep and obsessive organizing. He can also not hold a job and dropped out of college. My Dad was never diagnosed but I believe he was bipolar due to his life history, frequent job changes, periods of depression (he died depressed) and periods of extreme interest in diverse activities. Anyway... I still continue to question my diagnosis... but learning about this was an eye opener.

[still_crazy]

hi. i am sorry about the pain you're experiencing now.

tranquilizers definitely have an emotions-numbing quality to them. many antidepressants do, too. actually...yeah, the anti-seizure/mood-stabilizing drugs, and lithium, do that, too. maybe its most psych drugs?

my personal advice would be to give yourself space to grieve and go through it, but if you start going downhill too deep, talk to your psychiatrist (or a counselor, therapist, etc...). I'm personally trying to reclaim parts of my inner-life, thoughts+emotions, etc., from the "mental illness" label. Not all sadness is depression, not all nervousness and fear is anxiety, etc. Having said that, I also recognize that some problems require treatment. It is what it is, I guess.

Again, I'm sorry this has happened. I hope things get better in your world.

[rewrite05]

Sorry for your loss. You describing your family sounds like me talking about my dad's side.

I'd have to agree with still_crazy. You'll have the natural experience of grief but just like everything else in life, keep yourself in check and if you go too far get some help.

[mossanimal]

Thanks a lot. I definitely realize there is a big difference between grief/sadness and bipolar depression. More I'm wondering if this can be a trigger.

I guess I'm not really looking for advice. Mostly I'm curious if there is any pattern to how bipolar folk react to this sort of thing. Probably everybody is different.. although I did read something about 'funeral mania' that seems to happen.

[wildflowerchild25]

When my husband died suddenly I was devastated. However, I did not go into an episode, at least not right away. I felt depressed, sure, but it wasn't an episode, it was situational. I did go into a depressive episode about eight months later that I had to have ECT pull me out of, but that could have been my natural cycle. I've been episode free for a year and a half, he's been gone for two.

I did find a therapist I could talk to about the grief, though. I would recommend that for sure if you don't already have a therapist.

[*Laurie*]

I'm sorry for the loss of your dad. In my experience, grief is rough on those of us with bipolar disorder. Sadness is normal after a loss, but if you feel too down and depressed, don't hesitate to reach out for help sooner rather than later.

As for your family...doesn't surprise me; mental illness is so genetic.

[hopeless2015]

I'm so sorry for your loss, sending big hugs

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry for your loss. It appears that mental illness runs in your family. Yes, I think the loss of your father could be a trigger for you and could kick you into bipolar depression while you are already going through the natural stages of grief. If it gets worse please see your pdoc or tdoc.

Best wishes.

[Teddy Bear]

Sorry for your lost. When my mom died I was pretty stable. Afterwards when handling the estate is when I got mad. I wouldn't say that the death triggered anything but now I hallucinate my mom in heaven.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree with the others that having someone to talk to is probably really important right now. My recent experience was surprise that situational depression was much different for me than bipolar depression but that's me and different circumstances.

[BipolaRNurse]

Please accept my condolences on your loss. ((((HUGS))))

I think I was very fortunate to stay on a relatively even keel when my husband died last summer. I did get somewhat depressed when fall arrived, but that's not unusual for me as I have SAD. What you have to do to get through a loss is be gentle with yourself; don't expect yourself to "get over it" within a certain amount of time---you need time to grieve, and one of the biggest mistakes we Americans make is putting grief away too soon.

And remember, even if depression is situational, it still deserves to be treated, whether through medication or therapy...or both.

God bless you. Take care of yourself.

[Wild Coyote]

I am sorry for your loss.
Great posts above. I have nothing to add at this time.
Please take good care of yourself.


WC

I'm so sorry for your loss, mossanimal.

Had to think about it for a bit, but yes, I have had such a trigger. (pre-dx, but I can see it for what it was now, because you're right -- they're different). I think you should trust your feelings on this -- you say it feels like the starts of past BP depressions you've had, so keep an eye on it and take positive action sooner than later. (Because we all know how much harder it can become.) Do you have a therapist? Their help could be very useful at this time.

You will be in my thoughts.