I really need to hear some success stories right now. My whole life might soon be turned upside down and inside out. I want to get off disability so bad, it might not ever be possible and I might just need therapy to cope with my disabled reality. I want to go back to school and finish my degree. I tested out of high school at age 12. I'm not stupid but I get in my own way and my brain doesn't allow me to think clearly far too often. I'm now on meds and plan to stick with it. I want to know that change in possible, real true lasting change. I want to get out of my own way and realize some of this potential that is inside me. I want to be whole. I'm in my early 40's and have lots of physical and mental obsticles. Anyone ever in my boat and turned it all around? I'd like to hear your successes, no matter how big, or how small. I need some hope right now.

[bukowski06]

Hi ElsaMars,
Have you ever considered an online degree? I am doing my post-grad degree online and I swear that this is the best way to do it. I couldn't handle the anxiety of having a toddler and what's going on with my husband and then going in to class. I only take 2 grad courses per semester and it's still overwhelming but I've been able to handle it effectively. Also the teachers are very understanding if you need accommodations, they just need the paperwork. Don't put yourself down, if you are thinking about it just take it slow so you don't feel like it's too much.

[MobiusPsyche]

I was on SSI for about three years in my early twenties. I finished college and then got two graduate degrees. There is hope but it's really difficult to get off disability without external support like from family.

[jacky8807]

I'm not exactly the story you are looking for as I never ended up on disability although I was 2 seconds from it.
I was able to stay at my former job for ten years mainly because I did 12 hour shifts every weekend and then they paid you an extra 8 hours free
once I moved to full time days things imploded and I got fired. i was cycling a lot back then and in and out of hospitals. they pulled me in th he office a number of times and said your manic go home (they knew about the bp).

finally i was fired. I got worse. threw me into a tailspin of an episode. I was just nuts for a while.Really wierd. I figured I was never working again and applied for ssdi online. my family was in agreement.

this is alreAdy long enough lol but I slowly got better and started working again. it's not easy but I tend to do worse not having something to ground me. I sort of spin off into never never land

school is an awesome idea! you can control the hours and all that

if you can't manage to ever work again there is nothing wrong with that either!

you are an awesome chic no matter what elsa!

[hexacoda]

I'm 37 and was on disability for about 4 years before going back to work full time. I have been stable and working steadily for 2 years. It's possible

[HALLIEBETH87]

I've been on disability for 3 years and I'm looking into working part time.

Originally Posted by hexacoda

I'm 37 and was on disability for about 4 years before going back to work full time. I have been stable and working steadily for 2 years. It's possible

Congratulations! That is wonderful!

I do have my families support but they can't really afford to support me fully on the financial end, nor would I feel comfortable asked.

Thank you for your kindness Jacky. I do better when I have something to focus my mind too....well, sometimes I do better....other times it sends me into overwhelmed mode which quickly leads to lala land territory too.

I think I'm going to ask for my doctors support in trying school....just a couple classes to start. It's not like school can fire me if I fail.

I wish more people had stories to share. I plan to join a support group and hope I can see success stories up close and personal when I do.

[raspberrytorte]

I have the opposite of you. Going on disability is one of the best thing I've ever done. It's better for me and my family. I wish you luck Elsa in turning you're life around! I was thinking about taking some classes too, but they would be an art or creative writing class, something I'll really enjoy.

[cashart10]

I'm with Jacky...you are awesome anyway.

I worked full time, once keeping 5 kids...2 of which were mine...that were 5 and under. Talk about stressful! I really think keeping all of those kids is what caused such a madness in me. Anyway, I worked part or full time for over 10 years (about 8 of those years in denial that I was sick) and held a typical and overall stable life.

Now, I'm with you. Applying for disability but believing I am too young. Losing the first job away from home after just 3 months and feeling like I'll never achieve long term stability. I realize now I will have to make raising my kiddos and keeping my house my carreer. That will have to be enough and it is important any way. I do love doing it but it does sometimes make me crazy.

[Wild Coyote]

(((((( Elsa Mars ))))))

I am hopeful for you!


WC

Raspberry, you need disability and you have a small child...I have no doubt it will be a blessing for you and taking some classes just for fun sounds perfect.

Cash, you have my admiration for caring for 5 kids while working. I would never be capable. I wanted a big family but knew I could not work while having one and I've had mental illness since age 14 at least which always kept me from having the large family I desired.

WC, you are always so reassuring and kind.

Right now the only thing I have going for me is my meds are regulating my sleep in a way I never thought possible. This is HUGE and gives me hope. My nerves are still on fire though, like tiny little beings are inside me strumming in them and lighting them ablaze. I need to get help with this. A lot of my issues are PTSD related and I don't know if it's possible to ease them, but now that I recognize them perhaps.

Our finances are out of control. Living in Northern California on disability is not reasonable. I can't leave my parent though and my mom has so many friends here and says California is her home. How can I move away from them? But we can't afford to stay either. I feel so stuck. My husband has Family in Arizona and it's more feasible financially to move there, plus we'd have built in family if we did. If I could get back to work, I could stay near my parents. I can't imagine being away from them. I've been attacked for being on disability. People look at me and think I've had an easy life....they assume so much based on how I look. They have no freaking clue. I'm not stupid so I judge myself too. My mind is wasted. It had potential, so much if it before I was attacked by groups of people 4 times I was on a much different path. I'm happy with my life in many way, and sad in many others. I don't know what I'm capable of. Working full time is not possible, this I know. But if I found a part time job making 20 bucks an hour I'd be bringing in more than I am currently. What could I go to school for? What could I be? What do I want to do? What am I capable of? What jobs out there would fit me? I don't know the answer to these questions. Does anyone know? Does anyone know where I could find these answers?

My kids are grown....when they were young I had my hands full....they both have special needs....they liked spending time with me when younger but not so much anymore. They still need me so much though. But not in the same ways. I'm not even well inside my house, let alone outside of it. Perhaps I just need to focus on getting well inside first, but I feel I might need something outside to get well inside. Am I making sense? Every time I get my head above water, something happens with the kids or family and I'm drowning once again.

Thank you for listening.