[lunaticfringe]

I'm off meds and life is quite honestly pretty rough. I don't work so I can live with relatively little stress, that's the only way I stay afloat. Self care is a full time job.

Lately I've been only slightly considering going to this inpatient facility near where I live, but I'm very scared to for a few reasons.

1) Previous traumatizing experiences in the psych ward
2) Extremely negative experiences with almost all meds that I've tried
3) Paranoia about doctors, psychiatry, hospitals and western medicine in general

Etc.

Also the fact that I'm worried I will lose the will to live without my manias. I mean really, for someone like me, what is the point of living without it? The whole world is grey when the mania leaves me.

Here is a list of meds I've tried: Lithium (the worst), Seroquel (made me hear a chorus of voices at high dose), Invega (gained 50 lbs), Risperdal, Abilify, Trileptal, the one that gave me hives all over my body, Haldol, and probably over a dozen more that I can't think of right now. I got so f*cking sick of the med merry go round that I just said screw it. None of them helped me anyways. And believe me, I was on them for years, plenty long enough for them to work. Are there any new meds on the market?

This is mostly a vent post, but I just don't really know what to do. If anyone can relate or has any helpful words of advice, would love to hear it. Thanks

[hopeless2015]

Latuda is pretty new but pricey. I have a discount card that gets it for $15 a month. Hugs

[wonderluster]

Your best bet is to eat healthy, exercise and get into a regular sleep pattern.
Make your life as simple as possible. Do not have anything to do with people who are not sane and healthy, unless they are seriously trying to get better.
Live alone if it is possible, but have a social life.
Discover the purpose of life and live happily ever after

[NeedHaldol]

You may need to try and get a combination of meds. I am on about 6. I used to be about 9-10. It's all about treating the symptoms, not the name of the illness.

Mental Illness diagnosis are just a way of being able to more aptly identify a set of symptoms.

I don't know what meds you were taking and all of that, but being on meds could save your life.

[BeyondtheRainbow]

Have you tried clozapine? It worked for me when nothing else did (40 plus meds, 70 plus combinations). I've been more or less stable for a year now and am actually getting to reduce dosages of my meds. This has never happened for me before.

[lunaticfringe]

The main problem I'm having right now is having intrusive scary thoughts and images in my mind sometimes, so I probably need an AP. I haven't tried clozapine, isn't that one a big weight gainer though?

It pisses me off that with all the technological advances these days there are still so few good treatment options available for bipolar.

[franz kafka]

Life shouldn't be dull without manias. Do you think maybe you had some mild depression going on during apparently stable times?

[BeyondtheRainbow]

I've not had too much trouble with weight gain with clozapine at a moderate dose. I gained about 10 lbs. inititally and have 5 more that I go up and down with. I'm on metformin and that halted the gaining. My doctor doesn't want me on more metformin because my blood sugar might get too low on it. So while I complain about it because I really hate those 10-15 lbs and the one pants size increase they mean, compared to other meds it's not bad. I'm hoping that as my dose goes down some in the next few months that my weight will too.

I also just accept that I'm going to be on a med that causes weight gain; the ones that don't failed me long ago. I hate it but it is what it is and feeling good is worth some annoyance.

[~Christina]

Dont give up

[xRavenx]

Please hang in there! As frustrating as all of this is, there's something out there brighter than what you are going through now. I went through a particularly hard year with medication changes and losing hope. I'm not going to lie and say everything is perfect, but things are better than before and can be for you too. I know BP is an ongoing roller coaster, but some days are better than others. I hope you find some relief soon.

I have had bi polar symptoms for about 15 years. And they have helped and hindered me in equal measures.#
My doctor actually doesn't believe in too many meds for mental illness. The least you can get away with the better.
Benzo's are quite good for mania, I know they are addictive but are much less heavy duty than anti-psychotics.
I can get away with one tablet - quetiapine when it boils down to it, sorry it doesn't suit you.
I am sceptical about clozapine but I think it is a good all rounder for mood, sleep and mania and depression. It is a double edged sword, as you have to consider do the benefits out weigh the risks?
I forget I am not a doctor.
But yes there is a book called the bi-polar advantage. We are more creative, driven etc.

[neodoering]

Originally Posted by wonderluster

Your best bet is to eat healthy, exercise and get into a regular sleep pattern.
Make your life as simple as possible. Do not have anything to do with people who are not sane and healthy, unless they are seriously trying to get better.
Live alone if it is possible, but have a social life.
Discover the purpose of life and live happily ever after

Ha ha, wonderluster. Do you follow these guidelines for yourself? I find a lot of people talk up the healthy lifestyle, then they go out on the back porch and smoke half a pack of cigarettes and eat a pile of junk food before going into the living room and flopping down in front of the television for six hours. Every day.

Over the past few years I've gotten much healthier, by the urging of caregivers and friends and family. It is possible to live a reasonable life even with MI, but it's an effort. I am always wondering when the next horror will occur: the raving of the voices running me down, the delusions that the police are after me or my friends have money that belongs to me, etc. Every day is a fight. I would like to think that one day I will find the miracle med that will blow MI away, but it's been 11 years, and many meds, and where is the relief?

A healthy lifestyle is important, but you may find that at the end of the day you are in the third of MI people whose illness does not get better. That is a harsh realization, and I hope it doesn't happen to you.

[Slightlydelusional]

Originally Posted by SapphireRed

I have had bi polar symptoms for about 15 years.
But yes there is a book called the bi-polar advantage. We are more creative, driven etc.

Im exactly at 15 years when mine emerged around 30.

I for sure dont know who I am without mania.

I have huge identity issues as I dont have a career, hobby or anything but my illness. If my body wasnt wrecked from injury caused when manic I would love to get back into sports and exercise but Im very limited unless I have surgery, even if I do that would be limited as I trashed one limb quite a bit.

As for the creativity and being driven. Holy crap when manic Im extremely creative, it manifests in me starting complex projects, building websites and making a total fool of myself in the end as I always quit. I then go into depression and have to deal with the debt, shame and what ifs. I hope to break this pattern and not go manic as Im so sick of this cycle.