Don't know what to do

You know how if you are having a bad day at work you think you can just go home and relax and things will be better.

But for me right now everything I do at work feels like it is 20 times harder than it should be. Then when I think about leaving and going home that though doesn't make me feel better either. Because sitting around and relaxing makes me feel anxious. I don't have the energy to do anything else. I try to sleep because that is the only time I feel relief and even that it jus short burst because I wake up a lot anxious through the night. I just can't seem to go anywhere or do anything that helps. I don't know if it is still the akathisia or not. Everything I do takes a ton more effort than it should and I don't know what to do about it.

I know I have been writing a lot and I probably bother a lot of people. I just need to get stuff out of my head and hopefully find some answers.

Could you make an appointment with your psychiatrist or even a doctor at a clinic if you don't have one? There may be a physical cause for why you are so exhausted and it would be good to get your blood tested. Also if you are on a lot of medication, it can cause people to feel slow and "zombie like". Perhaps a medication review would be useful as well.

I know one thing that gets me energized is exercise. I know it is easier said than done, especially when things feel impossible to do, but even 2 minutes of walking or light stretching is better than nothing.

I am not sure how you feel about energy drinks but I have a 5 hour energy every shift because it helps me push through. It is not the healthiest thing in the world, but it's not the worst either. If you're a coffee drinker, coffee may help put some temporary pep in your step.

Excellent advice from scaredandconfused.

You're not bothering us by posting. Feel free to share anything on your mind.

So sorry to hear that you're struggling. My only caution with the advice to consume more caffeine is that it may exacerbate your anxiety (it definitely does for me). Exercise is great advice. When I first started exercising to combat anxiety/depression, even just one push up was a huge chore that took all my energy out of me. But I just kept at it, doing a little at a time, and it was amazing how much of a difference it started to make over time. Just feeling lighter on my feet has made a huge impact on my energy levels. I also tend to stick to a nutritious breakfast with mildly caffeinated tea throughout the day to help keep the fog at bay. I wonder if your work has anything to do with the problems you've been having? You mentioned you feel anxious at home resting... I almost never take time off work because when I stay home, all I do is worry about what is going on at work all day. Is your job very psychologically demanding?

I take ginseng in the morning. I used to NEED coffee, but now I just have a cup because I love it. Ginseng is used to increase energy.

You should give it a try.

I am a scientist and work in a lab. So it can get mentally draining. I used to drink a pot of coffee a day but then cut back to just water slowly over time. Needed the extra water because of the lithium. I will occasionally have tea. I had started exercising but then started feeling really bad again and stopped. Both my T and pdoc want me to take time off work. But I was off most of the last two years so my goal this year was to work all year.

I see your dilemma.

You know what helps me with work? When I take a Wednesday off, in the middle of the week. I'm not joking. Get 2 weekend days, work 2 days, get a "mini weekend" by taking off Wednesday, then work 2 days. Then I get 2 weekend days again. It's enough to help me reset for a bit.

Does the anxiety come about an hour or two after you take your meds? I had akathisia after I took a larger amount of Latuda. It felt like anxiety to me, and I had to lie down for a few hours. Now my dosage is reduced to 20mg, and the akathisia is gone.

You're not bothering me by writing posts. If it helps you keep doing it.

It is all the time. I can't keep self medicating with Klonopin. I see my pdoc tomorrow. Something has to be done.

This seems to happen every time. I never miss sessions with my T unless I am on vacation. Missing sessions is very hard on my. I see her twice a week. So I missed a session this week for the holiday. Today I am supposed to have my next session and it gets canceled. I am not blaming her because the reason she canceled it completely legit. It just seems like whenever I miss a session the very next one gets canceled too. It is like I am snake bit. But at least she is getting me in earlier then my next appt. sorry I just have to vent a little because I could have really used a session today. Luckily I see my pdoc later so maybe that will help a little.

So I feel liked I am damned if you do damned if you don't. I finally find meds that are helping the depression but the side effects are worse than the disease. But it has been forever since anything has helped the depression for more than a couple weeks. I am ready to give up on meds altogether at this rate. How do people keep trying meds over and over. It has been about 3 years for me know and I can't do it anymore. I was stable for so many years before that on just one med. I think those days are long gone.

Good luck with your pdoc appointment today and of course keep communicating here

Good luck with your pdoc today. I know that feeling your describing. It's absolutely torturous. I hope you get some relief.

So pdoc lowered my Latuda some more. He is allowing to continue with the extra Klonopin. I really need these feelings to go away. I really want to talk to my T.

Klonopin, or "KP" as me and wife call it is not self medication.

It is an actual medication. I take them during the day as needed.