[xRavenx]

First off, this is in no shape or form directed towards anyone at PC. You've been more helpful and supportive compared to many people in my life.

I'm in need of support right now. Sorry in advance for the long post.

Rant: People complicate my life. They aren't there for me, full of empty promises, go on and on about their problems without much concern for me. I don't want to be emotionally needy and do know I should work on that, but I do feel many people trigger me. Some make me feel incompetent and take advantage. All I am is kind to others, but people seem to take it for granted. Then, there's people I thought were trustworthy, but it blows up in my face. That's the worst when you think you can trust someone and you open your heart up to them. Some even think I am making a fool out of myself when I make certain decisions and like to see them end up going wrong. It's as if they get a thrill, like "Ha, I told you so." They don't understand mania and depression. It's hurtful.

I am referring to many people in my life; not just one. It makes me really sad and triggers depression and anger. It makes me want to shut everyone out in order to protect myself from being hurt and disappointed time after time. Bipolar makes the problem worst. Self-destructive patterns, taking things inward, extreme anxiety. Yes, very severe anxiety and some anger attached to it. A lack of control.

Can anyone relate to any of this? Or....any thoughts at all? I'm really upset.

[Skeezyks]

Depression isn't so much a problem for me... at least not in the typical sense. My struggles tend to lean more toward anger & anxiety. I have shut everyone out... period. I have no extended family... & no friends or acquaintances by choice. (I consider it to be my gift to the world!)

I am married. But I even keep my spouse at arm's length as much as possible. Just yesterday we were out for a walk with our dog... which was nice. But as we were walking along it occurred to me that, under pretty-much any-&-all circumstances, I exist in my own world... walled off from everyone. It's too late to do anything about it now, even if I wanted to. (I don't.) It all just is what it is. In my case, though, I'm old. So it's okay. It's probably not a good way for someone younger to live though. So I send hugs your way with the hope that you will be able to find deep peace within, Raven...

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having complications with the people in your life. I agree with you. I tend to be an introvert and a loner. There are a few diamonds in the rough. They're just hard to find. Maybe pulling back from society for a brief period might help you feel better.

[bizi]

work on your relationships/family. Loving is what it is about.
bizi

[xRavenx]

Thanks all for hearing me out as I rambled and ranted. Today's a little bit of a better day. I still kind of feel the same way, but I'm more preoccupied, which is a good thing. It's when I am left without much to do when my thoughts wander. Family triggers me lately as well. I love them, but I clash with my mother and brother frequently. Maybe it's something to do with my mood swings and medication.....but then again, it's always been that way with them. It's just more intense when I'm going through an episode or bouts of depression/signs of mania. I know I need to seek some kind of comfort within myself.....but it's easier said than done. Especially when people seem to follow me and haunt me. Oh well. It's hard to get away sometimes.

[liveforsummer]

Sorry you're having a tough time- sending hugs your way

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by liveforsummer

Sorry you're having a tough time- sending hugs your way

Thank you. It's been a rollercoaster. Hopefully these type of situations will become less intense (I hope sooner, rather than later). I think I might talk to my pdoc about an increase in meds if things continue to be especially hard to cope with. I had a med decrease a month ago, so maybe that's making things even more difficult to deal with.

[Sliders]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

Thank you. It's been a rollercoaster. Hopefully these type of situations will become less intense (I hope sooner, rather than later). I think I might talk to my pdoc about an increase in meds if things continue to be especially hard to cope with. I had a med decrease a month ago, so maybe that's making things even more difficult to deal with.

Hi Raven. You're not alone; I have Felt similarly to you. I am here for you if you want to reach out.

[Chlova]

Originally Posted by xRavenx

Thanks all for hearing me out as I rambled and ranted. Today's a little bit of a better day. I still kind of feel the same way, but I'm more preoccupied, which is a good thing. It's when I am left without much to do when my thoughts wander. Family triggers me lately as well. I love them, but I clash with my mother and brother frequently. Maybe it's something to do with my mood swings and medication.....but then again, it's always been that way with them. It's just more intense when I'm going through an episode or bouts of depression/signs of mania. I know I need to seek some kind of comfort within myself.....but it's easier said than done. Especially when people seem to follow me and haunt me. Oh well. It's hard to get away sometimes.

OMG this is the illness that is making you feel this way. My friend always feels like this when manic or hypo manic only. He will accuse you of everything when all you are doing is looking out for him whilst unwell but it is always misread as being controlling or interfering. It is so hard for the BP person and just as hard for the BP persons friends or families. Wish there was better meds out there and more knowledge for a better outcome for all.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Sliders

Hi Raven. You're not alone; I have Felt similarly to you. I am here for you if you want to reach out.

Thanks, Sliders. So sorry that this is a difficult issue for you too- I'll definitely keep that in mind. I am trying to take it one day at a time, though it's a struggle. (((hugs)))

[Unrigged64072835]

It's hard to keep sane when you don't get support. (((hugs)))

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

It's hard to keep sane when you don't get support. (((hugs)))

Thanks. (((hugs))) Yeah, that's basically what's going on. I know things can improve eventually, it's just one of those particularly hard times where everything seems to be caving in on me all at once.

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Chlova

OMG this is the illness that is making you feel this way. My friend always feels like this when manic or hypo manic only. He will accuse you of everything when all you are doing is looking out for him whilst unwell but it is always misread as being controlling or interfering. It is so hard for the BP person and just as hard for the BP persons friends or families. Wish there was better meds out there and more knowledge for a better outcome for all.

Thanks for your concern. While I do agree that mania has made me paranoid in the past, this is way different. It more has to do with complex relationships in my life. I do not feel that people are "out to get me." More so, it's an issue where I lack support at the moment. I've had some difficulties in childhood where actually relatives (and even a few close friends) have never gotten the help for different problems that they should have, and that has taken a toll on me. It goes both ways. So this really isn't just the illness. I'm sure my mood swings are affecting people, but if anyone has had to deal with some of the personalities and people that I must encounter daily....well that's a lot for anyone, Bipolar or not.

[Phoenix_1]

xRavenx I've felt exactly the same way many times. I have BP2 and I wasn't diagnosed until I was 59 years old. I hear you. You're not alone. (((Hugs)))

[xRavenx]

Originally Posted by Phoenix_1

xRavenx I've felt exactly the same way many times. I have BP2 and I wasn't diagnosed until I was 59 years old. I hear you. You're not alone. (((Hugs)))

Bipolar definitely leaves me feeling so alone, so thank you. (((Hugs))) It helps to know that you and others here understand.