[gris212]

Hi, I feel defeated and a waste of air. For the life of me I can't hold down a job because of my anxiety. I used to be a Kindergarten teacher and I walked away from it because I was so depressed and anxious. I've tried twice to work for non profits and the anxiety gets to be too much and I quit that after 2 months.

I have over 10 years of experience working with children. The only job I've been able to hold down without any anxiety is as an on call part time nanny yet it's been real slow and I haven't worked for almost a month.

I'm a smart woman but at this point I have no idea what I'm capable of doing to make ends meet. If it weren't for my parents I would be out on the street. I don't know what to do.

I feel like a total loser. Sometimes I just want to give up. I've thought more than once of just sitting in the car with the engine on in the garage. It would break my family's hearts but at least I wouldn't be a burden.

As I write this, the waterworks have begun. I use to be so strong and fearless what happened to me??

I have a loving boyfriend who accepts me and the mess that I am. I am training for my 1st marathon and somehow finding the energy to run 4 times a week. I want better for myself, but I am my worse enemy. I don't know what I want to do with my life. But everything I seem to try I am defeated by my anxiety.

Help!

[Victoria'smom]

Can you be a para or substitute or work in an after school program? I know it's only part time but hopefully you'll be able to take the job while your having difficulty. Does your T and Pdoc know how much anxiety is getting in the way?

[Nammu]

Are you in therapy? You could work on coping skills specific to situations that trigger your anxiety.

[lola0987]

I have had the same problem. Just work on it with therapist. I decided I needed a different career. Maybe you do too.

[Woolly Bugger]

Working as a paraprofessional is a great idea. You could be in the classroom, but wouldn't have the pressure of being in charge. Pay is terrible, but it would be a step in the right direction. How is your medication working out? It certainly doesn't sound like you are in balance right now. Best of luck to you. By the way, I am sure that your parents love being able to help you. Accept their help without guilt until you are able to live on your own. That's what parents are for.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. Anxiety is definitely not for the faint of heart. Do you take medication or go to therapy for it? Do you have coping techniques you can use? Hold your head high. This is one area of your life where you are having trouble. You're training for a marathon and it sounds like you have a successful relationship with your boyfriend. Your family loves you and you are not a burden. It would be beneficial to get to the roots of your anxiety in therapy and definitely try medication. I wish you peace and healing.

[Unrigged64072835]

Sorry to hear about the anxiety. I lost my job because of panic attacks. With therapy and medication I'm now stable, but it took about four years to get there. I still can't do any high stress jobs, so I'm still on disability.

You're not a burden to your family. If anything your death would crush them more than you being alive but ill. And it is an illness, not a character defect. Treat the illness first.

[lola0987]

I have been in your same shoes multiple times. Just make sure you go to therapy and keep up with it. Therapy is helped me a lot with my anxiety. I don't know what I would do without her. Also you are not a burden. I thought the same thing but we are not.

[JanusunaJ]

Have you looked into finding other nanny or babysitting positions? A friend of mine, for a side gig, used to babysit quite regularly, oftentimes for the same family. She found her families from an online service. Maybe you could check out something like that?