I just can't

I'm not in a very good place right now. I'm so tired and done with feeling rejected by my freaking husband. There's always some d**n excuse. I keep getting my hopes up only to have them crushed. We had a great take the other day about how things would be better on his off days because he'd be able to sleep in and not be as worried about waking up early. So of course I'm excited about it. I thought finally we have a compromise and I won't bother him as much during his working days to spend alone time with me. Yesterday was great and then today it's like he could give two ishts about my needs or what we talked about. I hinted around all day to just be turned down again and I'm so freaking sick of it. I'm tired of feeling this way. At the end of the day I just feel like crap, I just feel like disappearing. Just not being here anymore. I can't live like this the rest of my life. What's the point? You don't know how bad I just want to take off out the door running. All the bad thoughts in my head won't stop and I'll probably be up all night. Like usual though.

Hey Girl!

Sorry you're going through it. Relationships are HARD WORK. For some of us more than others. I'm pretty much feeling like I should just give up completely because I'm never going to get it right and I'm tired of damaging other people with my chaos.

I don't know exactly what you talked about (besides spending time together) but I did notice you "hinted" and sometimes men just need to be bashed over the head with the information. What's funny about that statement I just made is that I'm the one who needs to have the info bashed over my head and hubby never does that. He's going to suffer in silence.

Hope you two can have another chat that gets it through his thick skull lol.

I'm sorry you're feeling rejected and lonely. What works for my husband is "I'm going to bed can you please come with me." We stay up in bed talking.

Sorry to hear that you're not getting support. Every time I spiral out of control, I dread the "you're doing this AGAIN" spiel. It doesn't come--my husband is very supportive--but I still dread it. I've had that escape fantasy too--down to when I'm going to stash my stuff in the car without him knowing, and leaving to someplace nicer. Tell the cops I'm not going back. Setting up my own apartment and switching direct deposit stuff. I won't do it, but boy I have it planned.

Is your husband working a lot of hours?

Perhaps talk with your current psychotherapist about relationship counseling?

Consider taking L-theanine. Incredibly safe, it will not trigger any mood swings. seems to work pretty quickly. It will help to calm racing, intrusive thoughts where you're trying to slow your brain down but your brain just won't let you stop.

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time with your husband. What about marital counseling or even bringing him along with you to your therapist? I hope you get things worked out. Best wishes.