I have a situation. Please help me.

My husband wants me to go with him to visit his parents on Monday. We'd be coming back home on Wednesday.

Now, if you don't know, I just spent six months up there, living with his parents. It was awful. I suffered extreme depression and anxiety. The anxiety was severe. I've never felt anxiety like that before, and I've been anxious my entire life! I hate that area. The only thing I like about the area are his parents. My husband's sister and husband and our little niece and nephew will be there too, and they live in Kansas, so it's quite a journey for them.

I'm not sure if I can go back up there again. I just can't! I'm worried I'll suffer that extreme anxiety and get flashbacks. Just the thought of going back up there is causing me extreme anxiety, and I don't have any anxiety prns.

And besides all of that it's a five hour drive, on highways, and highways freak me out, and driving in the country freaks me out. Rural areas freak me out too, and it's an extremely rural area. I can't stand all that empty space!

If you were me would you go? Would you stay home?

My husband said he'd worry about me the entire time, but I'm not suicidal right now. I'm not psychotic. I feel fine, other than the intense anxiety I feel about going up there again. It just feels too soon. We just moved back here.

Do you have any friends you could stay with? If it were me in your situation I'd go anyway. My husband doesn't trust me alone for 8 hrs let alone days. I'd probably call him in a panic about "someone breaking in" or some crap like that. Are you going to be okay with your meds? What are they going to say if you don't come? Do you have family around you can stay with?

My husband is going to bring my meds with him and just leave out enough for the three days they'll be gone. I was planning on just staying here alone. I think I'd be fine. I like being alone. I don't get to be alone very often. I'm smothered with family.

And yes, I say I want to be alone, but an hour after my husband and daughter leave I'm going to be missing them.

The man with the shiny black shoes from the county is still going to come over at night to watch me take my meds, so I'll have someone checking on me to make sure I'm fine.

Then stay, someone will check on you daily and if things get to tough you have him to rely on.

Shiny black shoe man isn't very nice in all honesty. I have a strong disdain for him, mostly because he comes to make sure I take my meds and I've never had a problem with taking them, so I stand around waiting for him to come so I can take them. It's so frustrating! I can't wait until my three month hold is over.

But it's someone there if you need him. When is your three month hold up?

In all honesty I don't know. I've never even spoken with my case worker! Everyone just talks with my husband. I think it's up in August sometime, or September.

I am sorry for so much anxiety. what have you decided to do?
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

I don't know yet! I haven't decided. I'm torn.

If it were me, and I knew I would be absolutely, positively safe, I'd stay home. It's unfair to ask one to go through that much anxiety.

I'd stay home and do nice things for myself. For me, that'd be a massage, ordering pizza, and watching movies that I know that my wife doesn't like. Think about what would be nice for yourself. A "staycation" as they say

I think this is excellent advice & im liking the sound of that, for myself.

I like that idea. I think you should stay home. We could also help you through the 3 days alone. You could post here as frequently as you need or want and we could check in on you.

the librium does not help your anxiety? it has a long half life for a sedative which is why we use it in detox.
either way do what makes you feel comfortable

What's best for your daughter? What about your husband?

If I went probably.

So maybe I'm just being a selfish jerk for wanting to stay home.

No it helps to an extent. I'm on a way baby dose of it though. I only take 10mg at bedtime.

I don't think you're being selfish for wanting to stay home. You had a bad experience there. I hate going down to my husband's old hometown because it just reminds me of him and his drug addiction. If I have to go down there I get horrible anxiety and feel awful for the whole day. It's not fun. The only reason I have to go down there is to see my father in law (who is triggering in his own right). I only see my father in law once every three months or so because it sucks so much to go down there.

I think if you're ABSOLUTELY SURE you'll be safe, you should stay home. But you have to be sure. You have gotten into trouble before. You have to make sure you're not going to take all your meds in one day. You don't want to extend your hold any longer.

Can you think of them without name calling yourself? It doesn't have to be all of nothing. Can you think of the trip as a challenge instead of a forgone conclusion of anxiety especially since you like you in laws.

I could. I guess I don't want to get triggered. Right now my anxiety is under control for a change.

I guess I'm just tired. I'm sick of feeling like crap mentally. This past year has been very hard. It was very hard there.

I'm still not sure if I'm going to go or not.

That does sound nice!

.....

Think about it this way - how good will you be to your husband, kids, etc. if you're miserable? Does he really want you to feel that way? If I were him I'd rather know that you were home feeling good and taking care of yourself.

Sometimes being selfish is the healthy thing to do

This is a good point.

Okay, I'm about 95% certain that I'm not going to go. Thanks everyone for the replies.