[JanusunaJ]

I have a dislike for the word resilience. Primarily because its antithesis was used to describe my character. It really makes me hate myself.

At the time that I was described as such, I was admittedly experiencing episodes of depression where I fluctuated between infrequent intrusions of suicidal thought-responses to outside stressors and just feelings of despondency. But, often enough, I was feeling fine. I suppose that moment in my life is best characterized as me experiencing a prolonged episode of ultra-rapid-cycling.

Despite those internal struggles with my mood and adverse life struggles, to me, I seemed to be functioning quite well. I was working, granted just part-time, but I was also actively seeking more substantive work. It was like I was a high-functioning depressive.

I really just don't understand why I was described as being not resilient. It seems to me that I'd overcome quite a lot of adversities that frequented my life, beginning in my early childhood and continuing into my early adult years. I really can't remember a single instance of me giving up and throwing in the towel. I remember tribulation after tribulation that didn't give me substantial pause; and I continued on.

It's really strange to me. I just cannot figure it out. That was said to me six years ago, along with being told that I was a "quitter." I don't really understand why I was described that way. Maybe, at the time, despite what I saw from my own past and despite my self-described resolve at that then-present, I really was and had always been an unresilient quitter?

How long does a person have to be down before or if they pick themselves up to determine and label them as being not resilient? Is it ever okay to just walk away from an experience? It seems that if you do, you'll then be labeled a quitter. Maybe those experiences of my life, even though they seem to me to be objectively difficult burdens and waylaying duress, are in fact very simple things that are quite easy for the vast majority of individuals to overcome.

I suppose it doesn't really matter why that person described me as such.

I've been called unfair names too. Who called you this? Was the person important to you? Their words seem to really effect you as such name calling would likely effect most people. Don't internalize a judgement from someone who doesn't know all the details and is not inside your head and body. If they say something useful or helpful, that's one thing but what they labeled you is not useful or helpful and I'm sorry it was said. (((Hugs)))

[Sunflower123]

I'd say coming up against strong SI and coming out the other side alone makes you resilient. You waking up in the morning and breathing is resilient. The things you listed are examples of being resilient. Please ignore and dismiss the person who told you otherwise. They're incorrect. Best wishes.

Just because someone said it doesn't make it true.

[Unrigged64072835]

Resilience is another buzzword nowadays. Business and the military seem to use it a lot. I don't care much for it.

[JanusunaJ]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

I've been called unfair names too. Who called you this? Was the person important to you? Their words seem to really effect you as such name calling would likely effect most people.

I feel really ridiculous about it. I know I shouldn't care. I don't know why I let the words bother me. But, every time I hear or see them, I get this psychical nausea in regards to myself and question everything that I've "overcome." I know it's absurd, considering the amount of time that has passed.

The woman who told me this was someone with whom I was in a relationship. At the time, it seemed to be an important relationship; now, I don't really remember much about her. I do remember at that time believing without a doubt that she was the one. I have grown up since; I realize the idea of "the one" is a fairy-tale mentality bordering on magical thinking.

There is this dissonance. I am usually my own person. I do my thing and don't let others' opinions sway me. But, those words really make me question myself. And I feel stupid and ludicrous for letting something trivial bother me. Especially after so much time has passed.

[*Laurie*]

You're alive. That means you're resilient. And I'm very serious.

[bukowski06]

Hello
Resiliency seems to be the key word nowadays to describe the ability persist in a long-term goal even when faced with failure and challenges. I've also heard it described as having "grit." Although it may seem like a subjective term that is based on a person's perception, I believe that there must be a way to assess this objectively. Are you being objective or subjective in your self-assessment?

[JanusunaJ]

Originally Posted by bukowski06

Hello
Resiliency seems to be the key word nowadays to describe the ability persist in a long-term goal even when faced with failure and challenges. I've also heard it described as having "grit." Although it may seem like a subjective term that is based on a person's perception, I believe that there must be a way to assess this objectively. Are you being objective or subjective in your self-assessment?

At this point in time, my persistence towards long-term goals is either permanently or temporarily halted. All I can give are excuses as to why I'm in this period of uncertainty.

I know behavior exists on a spectrum, but it seems to me that I see people dealing in absolutes every day, everywhere. This disparity is grossly distressing. I'm either persisting or I'm not persisting. I either make excuses for failure, which can suggest not taking responsibility or I acknowledge my failure sans excuses. This seems to be wildly incorrect. I either fail or I succeed. Does partial failure suggest partial success and therefore reductive success? Does partial success suggest partial failure and therefore reductive failure? Have I failed and succeeded, simultaneously? Am I both resilient and not resilient, simultaneously? That is a deafening dualism. This is the conflict between knowing the multi-state property of being and finding myself "forced" to choose either this or either that.

I don't know if it's possible to be either objective or subjective. I can't definitively say from which viewpoint I'm making my self-assessment. I would say I'm using my apperception. Is it even possible to be fully objective? At what point between objective and subjective is a person either the former or the latter?

[Wander]

You sound like a very resilient person to me based on your posts. We all have our weaknesses and areas where we are not as resilient as others. The person who said this has 1/10000th of the information on your life so you should dismiss their comment. To get this far in life with so many struggles take a great deal of resilience. Look for the positives in your life and you will see you are an amazing person.

[bukowski06]

Usually an objective assessment means that you have a measurable goal, it doesn't have to be absolute as in pass/fail, but it does require a level of competency. If it isn't reached that's where the subjective comes into play, such as identifying which things are/aren't working out, it's not about giving up. I think it also helps to be a little 'quixotic' when you're striving towards a goal too...